rnal of Acrians Locket.
The following book you’re about to read is my diary. It is my magickal diary from 3/28/19 to //.//.//. I use an american dating system which goes by month,day,year. It tackles my start as an occultist and my final progression until now. It is not the most flattering book in many regards especially in it’s portrayal of my learning process. At the start I did a few many things wrong. If you have never practiced the occult than by all means read ahead however you may find you need some sort of dictionary on hand. You may also find yourself lost at a few points do to the subject matter I don’t bother to explain. I talk about a lot of knowledge and things of the sort that may surprise reader who is not in the know.
Also while this journal is educational in a few regards I did do many things wrong in the beginning. Not all of these are clarified in the text so keep that in mind should you wish to replicate any of my experiments. At the end of the day this is not a grimoire. I have professionally written grimoires if you want that sort of thing. This is my personal journal with magick inclined to it. That being said this version specifically is shorter than others primarily do to some passages being rephrased and some articles being omitted entirely. This is to make it more accessible. I’m sure you only care about the magick and less about my political exploits do you not? You also probably don’t care about American celebrities whom I’m sure will disappear from public consciousness years from now.
My take on magick and I feel the need to say this, is known as “The Left Handed Path” I am first and foremost an occultist. There are some magicians who are Wiccan, Priests, some who are from other cultures or religions but I work with demons and in the dark. If that upsets you I wouldn’t recommend this book however I do clarify why I work with what I do several times within it. I ask you read such a journal no matter your walk of life as someone with an open mind. Also it’s important to note that not all of the operations tend to these dark things.
I go into elaborate detail about time in retrospect to magick, the Crossroads and the Black Man Ritual to become good at guitar at a point and it has no correlation to demonic magick as frequent in this book. I draul on and on about my experiences with Gods and parasites at several points and they are far from demonic in nature. This book talks a bit about Judaism and the general occult ties within popular music at this moment. In total it is a rather thick book with a total of (####) entries. I want to iterate while some names and quotes are changed or paraphrased to protect my identity, I have not gone back to rewrite anything. Everything you will read is it’s first draft as I wrote it at the time, as I experienced the events. It is a journal.
Everything is very personal. In many regards as you will find I didn’t expect this book to see the light of day. I do however expect this book to last a great deal of time do to my own personal measures that I have ensured. Thus I explain a lot of things about the time period I find myself in, as well as things unique to my culture as an American that affect my operations and expectations. I am in many regards an unreliable narrator and I want you to keep that in mind when you read my exploits. This book is best dealt with notes on hand and reading into things I the writer did not as I was writing it. I also included you the reader with a dictionary at the end. Don’t be afraid to look something up. It holds a lot of basic terms from defining tarot to divination in hopes to aid you in your reading here.
Overall I hope this book serves you the reader well. It served me well for a good deal of time. I have other journals that may never see the light of day and I doubt anyone would be curious to such a regard. However regardless Alon Z.
Journal one: “Let’s just jump into it” – Philip Defranco
I decided to sit down and read Aleister Crowley’s work today. Unfortunately not only was I incapable of understanding it but I felt physically repelled by the book. The book in question is Gems of the Equinox. It’s the fact that the book is written in old english. I can’t understand it no matter how hard I try. The man is very wise but unless someone makes a plain English Comic Sans fronted translation I just won’t be able to understand it. However that is not all. I also felt physically repelled to stop reading. Like something was compelling me not to read it. I don’t exactly know how to explain this.
The book in my possession has some very bold and negative energy about it. I don’t know how to describe it. It irks me and frustrates me beyond repair. On top of this. The entities I work with recently asked me to not go on my favorite deification forum. I won’t mention it here. If you know it you know it. As well as telling me not to follow the magician’s work with whom the forum is inspired by an operates. I agreed but this pissed me off for a multitude of reasons. I understand I don’t take magick entirely seriously. The entities I work with have reminded me again and again about my failures in this regard. However that forum as crazy as some of the people on it were (evocations of aliens and conspiracy theories? really?) was a fountain of knowledge. There was everything from parasitic info to evocation without tools and alot of that stuff actually worked.
Nothing upsets me more in this life than someone who thinks magick is just intent and feeling. I can’t tell you how many tumblr esc “magicians” say that what they do “only works for them but MIGHT work for you” because “not everything works for everyone” and it’s such a load of made up lies. I was actually last night ranting to myself about it in the shower if I recall correctly. If your magick is real it will work for whoever performs it no matter their intent or belief. If what you practise isn’t made up the people who practise it will have results every time no matter what. If it’s real that’s the case. The idea that “only some stuff works and not for everyone” is at best woefully misguided and at worst willful ignorance. The fact that it is spread in the new age movement is terrible.
So that’s how I know this forums magick however out there works. It’s genuine real magick. That’s hard to come by on the internet especially in some of the circles I find myself in. I don’t know why the entities I work with wanted me off of it. I speculate it’s not the source but rather they see it as a contributing factor in my lack of serious inquiry about magick. In other news. I’m still not at the level where I can see or hear spirits yet. On top of this I keep getting spirits confused with each other. Belial straight up told me as of late do to an entity posing as him, very harshly I might add and paraphrasing here “before you work with anyone come to me first” on top of this I’m pretty sure Beelzebub and Belial who I consider to be different aspects of the same entity (he told me they were the same) only want me working with them. I was also told to get his sigil tattood. I originally promised him this when we made our arrangement/agreement however I had thought it not important and irrelevant. I wasn’t entirely sure about this and had forgotten about the matter. However do to my “identity confusion” to put it rather lightly I asked for a sign to verify it was him or else I wouldn’t do it. I’ve been having far to much confusion lately to agree to such a thing on a whim.
I learn from my mistakes. That being said I’m kinda stuck as of the moment. I was told by the entities I work with to gather tools. I have none and avoid them whenever possible. I understand their purpose. They help. But I don’t want to rely on something I don’t use regularly and I’m in a home where I must remain as discreet as possible. Unfortunately outside that forum which I’ve been told not to visit every ritual requires ellaberates that I seem to stumble across. I need to do this frequently and regularly and I fear I can’t keep my ritual tools hidden in such a regime.
I am 21 as of the writing here. I live with my family and have no chance of making it on my own. I am forced to keep my magick a secret for if my mother found out all my materials would be thrown out. I am speaking from experience. I am grateful enough not to be born into a Christian or Catholic family. I was born to a Jewish minority in America. However my mother is rather conservative and with the exception of tarot cards and sage and some psychics its all evil in her eyes. This is the south after all. Point of the matter is I need to keep my magick hidden and tools especially the elaborate ones would be an issue. I heard a voice of a spirit just now say “that’s an excuse” which it might be to an extent but it is the truth nevertheless. My mother doesn’t know the meaning of privacy and last time she found my altar she destroyed its purpose. That being said if I want to be taken seriously (i am not) and I want to be I should have tools. And I should get to that.
Back to the topic of the crowley book I don’t think anything in my home is keeping me from reading it. I have a rather annoying spirit right now. I’ve had parasites in the past who kept me from reading and learning about them or the occult. After all its best to have your prey not know how to fight back or on equal grounds. Anyways this spirit hangs around which I tried to banish to no avail, that keeps “shh” in me at random times. It’s rather trite and annoying and I find it upsetting as hell. It told me “I don’t take kindly to you trying to banish me” to which I responded “I don’t take kindly to you “SHH”ing me all the fuking time”. However once upon a time there were many parasites in my home and they kept coming back.
I don’t think that’s what’s happening here. I think the book itself is enchanted somehow. And I’m just not ready to read it yet. I’ve often been told by spirits and entities “I’m not ready” and when I pushed and pushed I got no answers. The closest thing I could muster was the topic of assent. But nothing more. I asked on the forum I mentioned earlier and all I got were ignorant users telling me “it’s parasites” when notable entities have told me this. Hell if we’re on the topic “Eligos” told me this. If it was merely parasites then serious spirits I encounter would not say such things.
On the topic. Several spirits keep meeting me. They never come alone which I find odd. A group of spirits greeted me the other day within my living room. One offered me a deal on the spot. To “cure” my anxiety. I didn’t recognize him. But he was very charming and had a nice voice he told me we had worked together before. I told him I’d have to think about it. There was a female spirit there as well. I didn’t recognize her. I guessed bune and she said she wasn’t him. She asked me what I looked for in a man and then I told her not in front of the other spirits. I might be a magician talking to ancient gods and demons but my love life nevertheless is something I find embarrassment in. I was exhausted and told her she could test me despite not working with her before.
I will agree to basically anything if I am exhausted enough. I’ve been told I am a pushover. I was talking to Belzebub the other day and I asked him why all these spirits were here. He told me I best pay him for his information. So I sung him a song as he requested and he told me “you’ve drawn attention to yourself” I left it there. Because I wasn’t going to push for an answer. Outside of founding and quickly abandoning a religion as of late I haven’t really done anything of note. I seem to keep drawing unnecessary attention to myself.
There was a spirit in the shower recently with me. He told me he wanted to break me and all I could see from him was malicious intent. Eventually somehow the topic moved on to learning about each other or mostly me. He asked my fears, my values, and he kept asking my name over and over. I think he was asking my true name, I have one but I do not know it. I knew it once as a child and promptly forgot it. I don’t trust myself with that information. I have thoughts I can’t control and often they blurt out information and secrets they should not.
If I knew my true name the first thing that would happen is my intrusive thoughts blurting it in an announcement form to every entity on the planet. That would be grave for obvious reasons. A true name is your essence. It’s you. If someone knows it they can make you do anything they want and have complete and utter control over everything you are. I don’t know my true name. I never want to. That being said I do have a variety of names and aliases I have gone by magickally or otherwise and that often pop into my head when the topic arises.
Acrians is the most notable name I go by. I told him this and he recoiled. He said “I’ve heard of you” and then when I had asked what he had heard it was gibberish. Not in the sense where it was a made up language but rather just incoherent sentences. I was once talking to an imposter entity claiming itself to be a god. I have met enough gods in person and in my dreams to know that it was not one. After a certain point in time you recognize their divinity. Almost instantly. The difference between the Goetia and the gods worshiped today is that they can manifest and meet you if they desire. I’m talking in person not in a ritual format or setting. But back to the point. This entity had not an ounce of divinity about him. Therefor I knew he was to be an imposter. However he told me he knew me when I asked how he said “everyone knows Acrians the madman” a shame it wasn’t the real guy. I respect him quite a bit.
I’ve been trying to get my mind within a meditative state the past few days. It works and when it does I can somewhat hear the entities. I was doing so the other day and randomly heard something along the lines of buha or another filipino word. I popped it into google translate and got “witch” why thank you captain obvious. There are an unfortunate number of entities within my home that for whatever reason won’t go away and keep coming back no matter how many times I cleanse the place. The ritual of the pentagram doesn’t work when the entities are this persistent. And yes I know for a fact that I am doing it right. I remember snapping at an entity the other day. Claiming I was a god in the making and deserve respect accordingly.
That night I had a dream I was searching for “Athenas egg” and I found it but had stolen it so I had to return it. They were many what I assume to be gods there. There was a holographic rainbow escalator stretched out to platform a lot of people. All the gods went on myself included. I heard a female voice say “this is what it would look like but not for you” and then the escalator turned black and I fell off. Then I was with a man who’s head was a rainbow bird. I made a joke about having a dysfunctional family he laughed and said “just watch” and then a chinese dragon engulfed the sun. I woke up.
I’ve been told by either Belial or Belzebub unsure which that I’m mad. Specifically I was in the car and I told myself while talking to my mom “but I don’t have delusions” and then I heard the car on the road roar its engine and it was as if the engine itself spoke saying “yes you do” that’s a form of communication he likes I find. Talking through engines running or roaring past.
Anyways my writing is god awful and rambely as hell but this journal in it’s form right now is never meant to grace another’s eyes. It is my magickal diary and that is all. If by some miraculous event you are a person who is reading it I wish you luck. Maybe you can go deep and theorize and analyze what is happening much better than I myself can. However I digress. That’s all for now. It’s not all I have seen. But it’s all in my environment. And I am tired. Goodbye.
Journal 2: “Fire will cleanse our sins” – Stan Smith
It’s the same day. I have this thing where I like to write multiple entries a day. I’ve been like that with most of my journals all the time. I take pride in the fact that nobody will see this one. While publishing my diary is a daydream of mine and I fantasy I often turn to. It is a terrifying one to make real. Especially in regards to the dark arts. Maybe that is why fantasies are fantasies and dreams are dreams. Regardless I keep getting tested over and over again. It’s rather confusing.
I work primarily with 2 entities, since I have decided to tell no one I can name them here. Belzebub and Belial. Who according to my work are the same entity but different aspects. I just heard an engine claim that was wrong so maybe I myself do not fully understand but rather that is how I think of it however inaccurate. I don’t fully grasp how their can be two versions of the same person. But spirits are not people. And they do not work like people. You can only think of an entity as a human and get so far. They are humanoid. They have feelings, plans, thoughts and actions. But they aren’t people. The second you start to associate them as such things can become messy.
So while I don’t fully understand it I know it’s a thing and that’s good enough for now. I once had a spirit tell me “ignorance is bliss” and I replied to that spirits surprise “it is only blissful for those willfully ignorant. It is hell for those seeking knowledge” and I will say their personalities differ to a degree. They go about things differently and while wanting similar things from me, I have different agreements with each. I see them as the same yet different and it’s not something I fully understand as much as that is irritating.
I think a personal pet peeve of mine is not knowing why someone is doing something or how something works. I’ve had several spirits get on me about asking to many questions. I just want to know. Even if they say I won’t understand I am generally pretty curious. Speaking of questions the other day I was talking to Belzebub. Or at least I presume it to be him. I could be wrong as stated earlier I have a hard time telling spirits apart. His voice was bold and depp with a hint of rust. Anyways I was talking to him and asking a rather awful amount of questions.
I was going to properly summon him but upon realization my evocation method was wrong I decided not to so we talked that way instead. He told me that I should pay him for his knowledge and as I stated before he asked for a song. Singing is my favorite talent of mine. My drawing is mediocre, and my writing is decent however singing is what I take pride in. I want to be a musician. I want a career in music. That’s my life goal. I’ll admit I’m doing it for all the wrong reasons but I am doing it nevertheless.
One of the tests I was given was not to raise my temper at my sisters boyfriend. And I was to caught up in my own anger that I failed spectacularly. I wasn’t told that this was a test until it was made clear to me after it was over. I’m fairly short tempered. I used to think anger was something I rarely felt. But as soon as he attacked me personally and my music I lashed out at him. I still don’t consider myself wrong. I still will not give him an apology. I still won the television and got what I wanted out of the argument from meere persistence alone. Thus I still feel angry and content with my actions.
I keep getting tested lately. I don’t normally understand what these tests are or what they entail. I just keep getting told I’m passing them or failing them after the fact. I don’t even know what they are meant to measure. I was actually told in regards to one test that I only passed it because I was very lucky on the matter. It’s very strange to me. Mainly because I don’t quite have a life. I have no job (which they’ve told me to fix) I have few hobbies or occupations (archery stole my heart but my anxiety is so extreme I rarely attend anymore) and generally outside of the wonderful internet which no doubt won’t exist in the next 8.9 centuries, I have no friends. The only friend of mine who’s voice I routinely hear is my best friend Mia. Who I recently broke up with on a spirits command. He told me “delete your spiritual twitter account, break up with your girlfriend and find a boyfriend” which was all very specific.
I did so even if it was painful in the process. I remember flinching as I unsubscribed from my favorite occult youtuber and he said “oh don’t be so dramatic”. I’ve been debating going back to that forum just for the tool free evocation but if they want me to use tools I should probably grow up and re-read the keys of solomon to make them….and if it’s just not doable I will find a way to do so with exceptions. Some things in magick are pure symbolism and thus can be substituted but some are not and cannot be changed.
Do not ever break a formula unless you know and every part of it like the back of your hand. Speaking of my hand I have on spiritual tattoo on my right hand. It’s the eye of providence. I plan on getting another spiritual tattoo on my wrist per agreement with an entity but I have to triple dog check first because I don’t want to repeat past mistakes. I have to wait until my birthday but that’s in 2 months within May so I have time. I do worry about the tattoo.
Publically I lie and say I am an atheist. I plan on being a pretty public musician and internet persona. One day the internet won’t be here. But that day is not today or within my century. I think if I’m ever confronted about it I will say “if you know you know” and leave it there. I am quite bad at talking to others so I rehearse what I am going to say in case topics arise. It’s also rather paranoid of me to assume random passer bys on the street or in the industry have enough occult stamina and knowledge to understand what it entails. But I am a very paranoid near mad person thus these fears persist despite my knowing they are irrational.
Regardless I will figure it out. As a comfort I enjoy telling myself that I always do. I’ve been seeing alot of signs lately. One thing I am rather bitter about is ancient grimoires don’t have identification for modern signs. Times change. Thus omens also change. People will fight me on this but between you and me journal, omens have adapted to modern times. At Least in some senses of the word. An omen for political discourse that would make sense in ancient greece or rome would not make sense today. And while it is true that some signs still persist in cultures where the magick is preserved ie, a white buffalo for some native tribes. In a fairly christian America which is where I am writing this from, such signs cannot persist in their true intent. Unless of course you practice hellenism and are aware of all of them and their intended meaning. Regardless signs can take modern connotations. Some that I have found that nobody talks about are bicycles, pizza.and cars. I don’t know what they mean.
Nobody is tutoring me on the occult saying “this means this and that signifies that and clearly this is what your doing wrong” I mean I have spirits I work with but it is not the same thing as a human instructor and by no means given my limitations would I receive the answers I desire. Maybe a more skilled magician could receive such answers. I’m sure if a skilled magician was reading over these notes he would scauf. I know one day I will be beyond my level now. Hopefully if I can keep up with it this journal will show such a progression. However as of this date 3/28/19 I Acrians Locket aged 21 have not yet achieved such knowledge or secrets.
7:01 PM 3/28/19
Journal 3: “Sometimes you need some controlled crazy in your life” – Hi I’m Case
So I wasn’t going to write this one up until after I called Belial today. I have discovered since my clear-audience skills are null, void, and non-existent that flipping channels through the t.v is a good way to get messages across to me. I realized something upon watching a basketball game today. That I have always had magick in my life and that I picked up on it at a young age. I remember rather clearly being in middle school with my best friend Tall Claire, and we were on the playground. She was holding a piece of wood in her hand that vaguely resembled an eye shape she said “remember how you said the eyes were always watching you?” and I said “yes” and then she took the woodchip with a serious glance and broke it and bent it in her fingers then threw it away. I brushed it off and we returned to our playing on the playground.
We had often joked that claire was a “seer” I say joking out of habit but she had clear visions of the future. Come to think of it most of my best friends throughout my entire life with the exception of J.C Howard all were incredibly magically inclined. Every person I grew up with from Alexandria to Sophie had something to do with magick even if they pretended they didn’t. Alexandria was a just an overt fan of a book series about the greek gods at the time, with delusions on the side. I bet she’s gay now. Only because most greek mythology obsessed kids end up gay but what do I know. Point is I had a lot of friends growing up and they all were in to magick. At least the female or non binary ones. I don’t recall Jack h. or Jack D. being sorcerers. Though Noah and that Daniel in middle school tried to get me to pledge allegiance to nature to join their magick club and even then I wasn’t that stupid to agree.
Point is there have always been spirits surrounding me and my family since I was born. My brother thought he was blessed. He often had orbs in photos growing up. They only surrounded him. It’s funny how my brother never went into magick. There was a time I thought he was doing so, he showed me a metal song called “He is” and I had supsians. But at the end of the day I fear him a Jew. I’m sure he’s experimented here and there. But he isn’t a magician like I. As I typed this an entity said to me “I wouldn’t be so sure”. Funny. I do have suspicions about J. But it’s not like he’ll ever see these logs so I have nothing to worry.
Like I said I’ve been using my television in order to receive messages by entities. Beelzebub was communicating with me this way earlier. He keeps communicating to me through Christian “God” imagery. I don’t see him as god ie, the christian one. I don’t. I have no idea why he’s doing this. I asked him if there was a reason and he said “There is” I do have intrusive thoughts related to Demonolatry. But I don’t know if that’s related. Alot of entities ignore my intrusive thoughts, intrusive thoughts are involuntary thoughts you can’t control that pop into your mind which are obscene, violent, sexual, inappropriate, or otherwise distressing. Mine take on a spiritual or sexual form. And while the entities I work with ignore them they still, much to my dismay take them into account. Which is irritating. I don’t mean them. I feel like my intrusive thoughts are half looking out for me in the worst way possible and half trying to mess me up and sometimes a little bit of both, it’s rather exhausting.
I know there are far more spirits in my home then I am aware of. I find this odd because I tend to do banishings rather often. However it’s a thing. I decided I need to make up a lie to achieve a fabric for a perfect solomon circle. Writing the letters shouldn’t be too hard given I used to be able to read Hebrew given my Jewish upbringing.
Sorry. I know this is rather abrupt but I took a break from writing that section. To do a proper evocation and talk to Belial. I feel proud of myself? I feel kinda guilty for being proud of such a small thing. I made a plain circle in blue chalk. With the triangle in front of the direction I was facing. Then I took three white candles and lit them among the circle. I gave him an offering of tomato soup. And had incense burning. I was actually able to communicate this time! God it was wonderful. I should mention I was also in a meditative state. I asked him my questions.
The most burning being why he wanted me off of that forum. His answer was one I had received before in a less formal setting. That was “it was misguiding you”. I know the creator of the works is the real thing. I will not deny that he is a legit magickal occultist. We work with the same entities and once I was critiquing his marketing in the shower and the spirit took issue given he is legit. So it is not his fault. But rather it is the people who watch his videos and the forum itself. He told me the forum had false information on it.
I won’t deny that the forum has some rather odd balls. I once read a thread about how a guy sold his soul to aliens it was rather odd. He is not his fanbase. So if Belial thinks theirs misinformation or I was being taken in the wrong direction from the forum I will oblige off of it accordingly. I also asked about the him and Beelzebub thing. He told me some time ago they were the same entity. This confused me since they are very VERY different in a lot of ways. However further research showed me other people had also made this connection. He told me they were different “versions” which was a word I had brought up before, of the same entity. They go about their goals differently but they are the same. They don’t share information, for example if I trust something to Belial, Beelzebub doesn’t actually know it. I found it very fascinating but didn’t push further.
I asked how I was receiving such attention. He told me when magicians do magick they receive attention and not to take it personally. I can’t say I’m not disappointed but it makes sense. He gave me a task to do. It’s one he’s given me before but somehow I also seem to mess up the execution of. Go to the park and write his name in stone. He clarified saying write his name in stone on the sand.I told him there were no parks I knew of near me like that, the only one I know is East Cobb Park which is too far away to go to, and the dog park which is covered in gravel. I asked him to show me the park so I could go to it and he said he would since it’s necessary.
I asked him if there was more to do and he said “we’d cross that bridge when we come to it” which is a phrase I often use with my spirits. For those not familiar it’s a southern American saying that means “we’ll take care of that problem once we’ve done whatever else we need to do progression wise, to make it a problem” so it’s a phrase about a situation or a hypothetical that will only become an issue once we’ve made progress and not to worry about the hypothetical issue until said progress is made.
I asked him about my X-friend M##@%#. I asked him if we’d ever become friends again. He said Yes and no but not in the way I’m thinking. He said I would know him again but we wouldn’t be friends. I should’ve figured that. I keep dwelling on this relationship with this person who was god awful and borderline emotionally abusive like it will make me feel better. But I know that it won’t. I was codependent. In a lot of ways I still haven’t let him go. He knew that. He fuking knew that and left without a word anyways. He knew I had abandonment issues. And he left without a goodbye. Knowing him it was intentional. Or possibly he willed himself not to care. He was a self admitted sociopath in the end after all. Yet I, someone with hyper emotions clung to him like a wet tshirt.
I don’t recall if I mentioned this and don’t quite feel like scrolling up so I’m not going to check but I had lucifer’s sigil flashing in my head when I closed my eyes. Belial told me it was Lucifer reaching out. I remember talking with an entity about how I really wanted to work with him but didn’t know myself well enough and wasn’t prepared to throw my life into turmoil in order to. The spirit said “I’ll tell him you said that” and I guess they did because yeah. I really really REALLY want to work with him. But I know this entity or god depending on your take well enough from research to know he exposes and brings up all the ugly shit about you when you do.
He exposes you to YOU. In order to grow which is what you would call on an entity like him to do, you have to face the worst in you. I wrote a song a long ass time ago (a year) called to paraphrase the title “a song for people who perform” one of the lines to paraphrase was “if you practice in this darkness you will face the worst of yourself” and I know if I call on him that is what will happen.
Another barrier about me is that I know myself better than the average person. I don’t really “KNOW” myself. But I kinda know alot about me? Think of me as a fan reading up on minimal trivia and wikis about me. Like I know as much about myself as a decent shane dawson fan knows about him. Speaking of fans. I was watching “Hi I’m Case” one of my favorite musicians streaming. They do a lot of streams. And their music is insane. I’m surprised it took me this long to see the spiritual themes in their music? But maybe that’s because I didn’t focus on the lyrics to much, or because only their latest album is drenched in Christian ideas and spirituality.
Also I’m not “grammering wrong” if you are reading this book in English which you should be since it’s NOT going to be published and meant for MY eyes only. Then you should know that transgender people, people who are people born one sex that identify as another, often use “they, them their” pronouns in this year 2019. It’s a gender neutral term in english. I don’t know how gender will be seen years from now, or milenia. I take comfort in the myth “Ishtar and the Underworld”.
But back to the point. Case is on to some stuff. I was surprised by how Christian they were. In a lot of ways it unnerved me. Because how can you be this in tune to the occult and magick and spirituality and still pick that path? I felt the same way about Max. Max was my X-best friend. He was a schizophrenic spiritual person. In a lot of ways he was right about a lot of stuff. But in a lot of other ways he had parasites attached to him, heard voices, had disorders, and delusions and was content on calling all of that crap magick. He was diagnosed with it and still thought a fictional video game character was possessing his body. Nevermind that possession doesn’t work that way. He messed up my spiritual growth in a lot of ways. I believed everything he told me. Well almost everything, he thought a popular anime was a telling of his reincarnations and that I was the evil father dude from it.
But now we’re getting into dissociative identity disorder and I don’t feel like bringing up that sort of past. I tend to go on and on about things like people know what I’m talking about. I talk about evocation like you know what that is. Evocation is summoning a spirit normally a demon to manifest in front of you. I talk about Belial and Beelzebub like you know who they are. They are demons. Not Satan. Not the devil. Not evil. Just demons.
All a demon is, is a God (such as a pagan deity of worship) that christianity didn’t like and thus literally as the word suggests “demonized”. A demon is just a powerful spirit (normally a god) that christianity took issue with and robbed of it’s status. Pushing a villainous title on to it in order to rob this god or goddess of their rightful place and tribute. If you don’t believe me see what Juedism did to good old famous greek god Apollo aka the demon Abaddon or Apollyon.
He is a pretty well known god that got turned into a demon. And while he’s still worshipped by many helenists today, he also exists in other forms as a demon. And I don’t see many people claiming the greek gods are evil or of sin. Don’t come at me with your christian assumptions. Not everybody believes the way you do. Not everybody thinks the same as you. Not everybody follows the same path as you. And if you are a christian so far up your own ass that you PUSH YOUR FAITH upon other people and PUSH YOUR IDEA OF EVIL OR SIN upon other people because you just DON’T UNDERSTAND or are WILLFULLY IGNORANT you are the problem not magicians or occultists. That being said if that isn’t you, you should not take offence.
Demon isn’t a bad word. I was actually recently browsing a Satan worshiper forum. Satan isn’t an entity I care about at all. However I was looking for alternatives to that forum I keep mentioning. There was a thread on the Goetia that equated to “don’t use circles it’s disrespectful, don’t use tools its rude, don’t ask things of them, treat them like gods” and that’s terrible advice for so many reasons. Never before have I seen a more ignorant take on the Goetia. The Goetia is a book I use. It’s a magickal grimoire which is a big book of magick. It’s really really really old and often censored.
It’s a book of stereotypical black magick from a very Christian perspective and shouldn’t be used until more research is done on the matter. One of the biggest issues is commanding spirits. There is a power dynamic when working with demons. You should be the center of the universe in your magickal operations. You should be treated as a god or a king when you summon these guys. However you should NOT command them, they won’t tolerate you for long if you do that, and most people who try it don’t even do it right. Seriously? Your trying to command a demon with you voice alone? GOOD LUCK. So the lesser keys of solomon and the Goetia as a whole is a very odd book with lots of good knowledge but should not be used without some kind of outside info.
If you follow that book to a t you will get things pissed off at you. I won’t say don’t do it. That’s like saying “don’t be stupid stupid” which is my favorite Philip Defranco quote. If you want to jump into the tiger’s cage I won’t stop you, good luck when you’re mauled. That being said the keys of Solomon do have information you should use such as the summoning circle, many operations such as the one for luck (unless that was the grand grimoire?), and some of the tools. Don’t do the blasting rod. But yeah circles aren’t disrespectful. The demons don’t find it rude. Even if their are god names on the circle it’s not for the purposes of hurting the demon. It’s apart of the ritual and if you are ignorant enough not to know the reason that the names are there in the first place you are nowhere near advanced enough to do the ritual without them there at all.
Magick is like cooking. By all means change the recipe but if it’s your first time you shouldn’t change the recipe if you don’t know why the lemon in that sauce pan in the first place. Don’t go substituting lime in your zesty sauce if you don’t know why lemon is even needed. I know that sounds very strange. Since I just said don’t do everything in the book and don’t do it exactly. But magick is complicated and if you know what you are doing those two statements together will still make sense.
So yeah I might write up a guide on how to summon a demon properly once I truly figure it out. My set up as described is rather simple though it does work. Technically all you need is just a sigil but you really shouldn’t only use just a sigil if you don’t even know what sigil is. A sigil by the way is a calling card for a demon. It’s a phone number that you activate by focusing on it. It’s not to be confused with sigil magick. Demonic sigils and normal sigils are two very verrry different things. They don’t work the same at all.
Another point is that, that stupid as hell thread from god knows when said don’t ask things of them. That’s the whole point. You call demons up rather than gods or goddesses because they can be bargained with. Before you ask no you simply cannot sell your soul. You can ask demons to do things for you and they will, but normally you have to pay them. Before you summon one you should have researched every nook and cranny of the internet and bought several books mentioning them to the degree where you know them better than you know yourself. Better than you know your daydreams. Better than you know your favorite television characters. You need to know them thoroughly before you summon them.
Would you order a fancy dessert or coffee without knowing anything about food or coffee? Would you go to a restaurant without knowing how dining works? If the answer is no to both of those questions then you shouldn’t call up someone to do something for you if you do not know anything about them or even what they do. It’s common sense but you would be surprised by how many people miss this very basic step. Or how many know it but think it’s irrelevant. Go on and poke that tiger. I’ll watch from the safe side of the zoo exhibit.
The reason so many people pick demons is not just because there’s an allure there from being raised in a Christian society. But rather because they are a sort of entity you can reason with. They will do shit for you. But you do have to pay them. Not with your soul. But they may ask things in return. It could be as simple as going to the park like what Belial asked me to do. Or as elaborate as getting a tattoo. I promised Beelzebub “control” over me and my life which Azazel told me was extremely stupid and he was right. Still not backing out of that agreement though. I haven’t mentioned this but Azazel told me eventually I will have to break my agreements with other entities. I’ve actually seen him do this with other prominent magicians? But I didn’t expect him to ask this of me. I told him I would but not for a long time. I barely knew him and I knew these other entities rather well. He understood.
So yeah a Satan worshiper on some online internet forum telling you not to ask things of the Goetia or it’s entities because it’s “rude” on account of them being demons alone is stupid as hell and I wouldn’t trust a website where that seems to be the members only mentality. Also while we’re on the topic show respect but don’t grovel to the demons like they are gods. They were once. They’re not anymore. Also not all of them were. Some were, some were not. Bael’s name wasn’t even changed from its original god form in it’s old religion. Neither was Liliths. So yeah. While demons aren’t the boogie man when you are undergoing these occult operations bowing down or kneeling or worshiping is an idiots mistake. That’s how people treat gods. For so many reasons not limited to how the demon thing made them evolve don’t worship them. That’s my only warning.
But yeah I was super surprised my favorite youtuber musician was super spiritual. A lot of the music I listen to is drenched in magick and spirituality. Panic! At the Disco is very very magickal. Pretty sure Brendon Urie works with some of the same guys I do but you didn’t hear that from me. After a certain point no matter what these guys claim publically you can hear the magick in the song. You just get a vibe. Kinda like how Smash Mouth feels like King Paimon to me. Or how the song “Your gona go far kid” even references Beelzebub who is “lord of all that flies” as his perverted title “lord of the flies” Christians and Jews didn’t like other gods. Most occultists hate the Christian god for so many reasons but the resentment towards others is one of them. Say what you want about the Romans pushing their gods on everyone else’s but at least they didn’t totally bastardize other gods as evil (most of the time). Christianity and Judaism (religious minority or otherwise) totally fuking did that and still do that.
Oh I forgot to mention. I asked Belial if I passed his tests. I’ve been tested a lot lately. He said some of the tests were from him and I failed them. That was interesting. Sorry for the lecture. Anyways it’s literally 3:34 AM and I had more to say but as always the persona of my ramblings kept me from such a cohesive train of thought so that is where I will end this.
Journal 4: “Stupid now ||| Drew Monson”
So I’ve decided in this moment right now that I am going to learn. Like a lot. I no longer have the forum so that blockage is out of me, and I’ve come to find that it’s everywhere. Magick I mean. And there’s surprisingly way more out there online anyways that I originally thought. The internet will not always exist. That is a sad fact. It’s eating up its own memory at alarming rates and eventually it will eat itself. Eventually the internet will cease to exist and as useful as platforms like youtube are they won’t be around in another 300 years. Who knows if my journal is discovered upon my death maybe the term “forum” itself will feel alien and a marvel of the 21st century that I find myself in.
I’m very lucky to have been born in 1997. I will tell you why I’m lucky. Right now there is a huge spiritual awakening going on. Something is coming. I don’t know what this something is. I’ve heard bold claims from salsman magicians, and I’m sorry but I don’t believe you when you say “they will walk with us as man” when other occultists have claimed this for longer and you on top of that are trying to sell me a product. But the point is “something” is coming. There is a huge spiritual awakening right now. It’s happening. Tons of people are becoming spiritually aware and noticing stuff that went under the radar for so many years. I was a hardcore atheist (much like i pretend to be now in the public eye) and then I listened to the band Twenty One Pilots which itself is drenched in not only norse heathenry but also goetic demon esc magick and suddenly I became awake.
That’s a term you’ll see thrown around alot. “Awake” or “wake up” what it means is notice the shit in front of you. I was raised in the united states of America, the conservative southern state Georgia specifically. America despite being founded by “puritans” is a country drenched in the occult. Our greatest conspiracy theorists think the devil is everywhere. And while they are wrong in their portrayal I can see where the crazy is coming from. The occult is everywhere even if not their fictitious take on the devil. Every one of our presidents has been a freemason. And as Donald Trump our current president has people surrounding him who are pulling demonic and occultists strings. There is a reason he is untouchable. And it’s not his faith in his god. I promise you. Demons don’t care what your politics are.
But back to the point. I was raised in America. America is a very magickal country despite it’s christian exterior. We may have a church on every street corner but their are still mosques and Jewish synagogues. We do have spiritual diversity but if you aren’t a christian good luck. So yeah my country is very spiritual. There’s the eye of providence on the money and if you honestly believe that, that symbol is christian in origin then you are misled. No matter what it’s said to mean, it’s an egyption pyramid. That ain’t the christian god.
But back to the actual point. The terms “wake up” and “awake” mean to be aware of what is going on spiritually. To notice the signs and messages surrounding you and to see it when it is present. Thus while this is a tad ableist people who are “asleep” or “blind” are either incapable of noticing this or refuse to. A christian would be “asleep” in this scenario because they are simply unaware possibly do to their faith and an atheist would be “blind” because they are incapable of being aware. If you have closed your mind to the concept of the supernatural no matter what miracles I perform in front of you, you will not rationalize what is really happening do to your mindset. Thus you are blind. You cannot see the magick I am performing in front of your eyes.
America being such a spiritual country means that this concept is everywhere. The music on the radio, the television ads, the t.v you consume. Hell there was a new television show that recently came out called “Lucifer” that as far as the people I’ve talked to are concerned nails his personality on the head. Which itself couldn’t be done unless at least one of the writers knew him personally. My friend Riley works with him and when I told them I disliked some of the portrayal they told me he was portrayed accurately if by a filtered Christian lense. Which ya know, doesn’t HAPPEN unless you know the entity you’re writing about to a degree.
Demons have obvious personalities. They have traits and characteristics. They are in a lot of ways similar to people. That’s part of their allure. Any one who tells you magick is easy is a liar. Anyone who tells you magick is safe is also a liar. Magick is not safe. Not even “blessings” and pure “white magick” made up stuff. It’s just not. There is always a risk in everything you do. Demons aren’t inherently evil because they can be grouped in with stereotypical “black magick” which itself is an arbitrary category. Nobody agrees on what is “black magick” and “white magick” is supposed to be. In a lot of ways it’s a movie or fiction thing. The terms are used but they aren’t good categories. A white magician by someone’s definition could very well cast curses. And a black magician may not do baneful magick at all. It’s subjective and not to be used. I don’t use these terms in my projects because they cause only confusion.
That being said I did have an entity come to me asking me to write a story about them but that’s a whole other thing for another day. Speaking of entities. I keep seeing unicorn imagery. And I take it to be a goetic entity reaching out. I’m trying to take magick more seriously. So what better way then to start working with everyone. I normally don’t call up demons for minimal tasks. If I can do it myself I will. However I do often call up demons and entities for agreements or pacts to be made. I’ve made mistakes before. I once mis-identified a spirit reaching out to me and tried to make a pact with abandon thinking it was him. He was very upset and scolded me on the matter. Needless to say it was a mess. That is a rookie mistake and anyone who knows anything should be able to tell right away what I did wrong. I was a fool. I’m still learning to this day. I once had an agreement with the demon Gaap. However when I was insane (it’s a long story) and in the asylum I asked to much of him and he “wanted a divorce” as he phrased it aka wanting to end our agreement. I’m still unsure if that’s what happened or if it was just insanity so I have to double check on that matter.
Something people will tell you but nobody understands is that if you go neck deep into this stuff it will mess with your head at some point. Always. 100%. No matter who you are. It will mess with you. I’m not saying you’re going to start having delusions of grandeur and hear voices like I did, but you might find yourself depressed, stresed, or angry at the work itself. If you have a mental illness you shouldn’t work with the Goetia. I’m sorry. That’s the truth. This path is not a good idea if you are mentally ill. Now I have many mental illnesses an work with it. But it’s a price I know I’m willing to pay. It’s a price I’ve paid before and it’s a price I may eventually pay again.
I only went mad because I went about an elaborate ritual and despite the warnings I backed out and thus my sanity was taken and my friendships were taken because I myself was a fool. That specific ritual you can not back out of. It’s designed to make you. I did. And I paid the price. Don’t be stupid, stupid. But now I have no such issue. I paid for my mistake and I’m okay. Though it took me a long time to recover. I was lucky. Other people who I have known to back out of this ritual (see the documentary “I sold my soul to satan welcome to hollywood”) took physical costs to their physical health. They became injured or sick. I was lucky enough for it to only be mental.
I had a friend. Her name was Kathy. She was hit by a car. She was a skeptic and an atheist. A week before she banished her guardian angel which is really just your higher self. Which is a broad concept with different variations but it boils down to the future more complete holier version of you. She banished that. Which could very well be considered suicide. She used the demon Barbatos and as she put it he was “pissed it wasn’t about animals” when calling him. He said he could keep it away for a little while but not forever and in many ways she’s lucky to be a vegetable paralyzed.
Magick has consequences. It doesn’t matter what you believe. I didn’t think my sanity would be taken. She didn’t think her life would be. Magick is not a fuking game.
So yeah. Back to the unicorn imagery I’m probably going to make a list of demons to call and work with. There was a goddess that approached me recently. She said her name was “adonai” and that she wanted my “friendship”. I told her I would be friends with her but I would need to know who she was. I asked her to convey it to me and I have yet to see who she is. She is not a goetic entity and took insult when I asked her if she was. I wasn’t aware some spirits thought so lowly of the goetia. Regardless I am going to be her “friend” as soon as I can tell who she is. Also yes I am aware that “adonai” is the jewish word for god or king or lord. I found it an odd choice of phrasing but wasn’t getting the answers I was looking for. She told me she was of the egyption pantheon and that her animal was ravens.
So that’s all for now.
Journal 5: success
Okay so I have to write this down ! I did an evocation of Beelzebub today. I was talking with him outside and he asked me to evoke him. So I quickly went to my circle. Wrote his sigil in chalk. And then lit my candles and insense. I saw his face in the smoke! That’s never happened before! Multiple times to! He did clarify. He wants me working with him and only him temporarily but treat it as though it is permanent. He told me he wanted me to sign my name in blood and make a contract with him. This time he wants me loyalty, and allegiance. I’m very careful about entities. While I respect the entities I work with. I know that if you are not careful in a demonic evocation the spirit will ask more and more of you until you are essentially its slave indebted to it beyond repair. I quite trust belzebub quite a bit. So I’m not afraid of this. But it is in the back of my mind and I will be very careful. I trust him. I think he’s wonderful. But I am doing my best not to be a fool. I clarified to him I wasn’t commanding answers. I told him I respect him and while I ask and request he answer truthfully to my matters that he was not obligated to while some magicians may take issue with what I just did calling me a rookie charlatan, I consider it a symbol of trust. If you only work with demonic entities as your weapons or servants you will never see them as people or spirits with thoughts of their own. That is dangerous. Not for them, but for you.
I want equal partnerships with my entities. I don’t want to enslave them. Not to mention they wouldn’t tolerate such things for very long and anyone who goes about only commanding such entities for along period of time will only observe their life falling to ruin. I was surprised he wanted a contract. I even told him as much. Originally when I first came to him, he made it clear he didn’t want a pact. But now after working with him for some time he’s “changed his mind”. Which is fine. I didn’t quite know why he changed his tune, but I’m all for it. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be getting out of it and sometimes I forget previous agreements.
Also he clarified to me that nobody can know we work together. I told him that was why I constructed my elaborate ruse of being an atheist. I worry about myself. What would happen if I am put under pressure for that stance. I cave so easily when I lie. I worry that I wouldn’t be convincing. Atheists are seen as a militant in the USA my home. They are not a particularly liked group mainly do to the extremists such as TJ kirk,Richard Dawkins, cult of dusty, Bill Maher, black pigeon speaks (a literal nazi by the way) armored skeptic and more. These guys are the extremists of the bile. They are MILITANT atheists. They don’t care if something means the world to you, because it’s rooted in religion or spirituality suddenly you are a deluded psychopath trying to convert everyone on the street. Oh and by their world view all religions are equally bad even if jews and hindus and jaensists in America do not hold NEARLY the same amount of power as the christians who reign supreme here. It’s all equally garbage and terrible on the basis of it being strange and ridiculous. That’s kind of an asshole point. I know so cus I used to be one of these atheists.
And while I won’t pretend to be militant I will pretend to be a nice and polite skeptic who just simply sees value in religion. I mean how hard could it be? This is real life foreshadowing by the way. All jokes aside he confirmed to me he wants me to get his sigil tattood on my write wrist. So that’s going to be fun. I’ve always kinda wanted an entities sigil tattood. But if you do it right it can change you or affect you so I was never going to run into it. That’s why I’m really glad if it did end up happening which it is going to, it’s with Belzebub an entity and spirit I trust with my life.
Anyways got to go. Mom just came home and I’m getting out of the house for a car ride. See ya.
Journal 6: “The greats weren’t great because they could paint, the greats were great cus they paint a lot” – Macklemore
An american dad episode came on tv recently. The guy in the episode made a joke telling Stan Smith the main character that he was “going to turn you into a clown” and then he said to Stan Smith the character “you’re the worlds most perfect fool”. It should be noted demons and entities have referred to me as “perfect” quite a bit. I’ts purely symbolic for the record but I will cover the symbols of “king” and “fool” later. In my story explorations which is a topic for another day I was speaking to a higher entity and he asked if I understood what he was saying upon my answer he replied “but you’re perfect aren’t you?”. When I first spoke to Occeair because as a reminder I totally founded a religion called Genwa sometime ago before returning to the left handed path. Fun fact Bael said upon this discovery “you really think you could leave the left handed path?” and my response was “bold of you to assume I could” then I promptly returned not a week later. But back to the point one of the first things he said to me was “Acrians I want you to know you’re perfect”. I think this was a sign rather than me reading to much into shit again because for the record I do that alot, is because Belzebub and I were once writing a song together and one of the lines word for word was “don’t be a fool, be kind”.
I realize I come across this way. I trust the entities I work with. I try to see the goetic entities as my equals rather than my servants. Hell, I refer to them as “goetic” entities when the attribution of goetia is a common misconception. They aren’t “goetic” entities. Not technically. They are entities within the lesser keys of solomon and the only “goat” in this scenario is the magician himself. Yet I still insist upon calling them this because it gets across who I’m addressing and what I’m working with to the average occultist fairly easily even if a technical misdirection.
As I was writing this I heard a car engine roar. I should probably mention I’m renting a home in the suburbs. The engine spoke (obviously belzebub) saying “you are not a fool”. Which is something he’s advised me on before. This leads me to believe I missed the point of the sign entirely or it was a universe synchrony which is another topic for another day. I found myself stumbling upon the Conjure Codex on accident as of late. I was on one of my favorite occult recourses a blog called “The skeptical occultist”. It’s a person who reviews various grimoires. However upon seeing the website he linked to did not describe this work and it was in an English currency I avoided it. However upon getting into some arguments with an person online about their obvious lack or experience and mischaracterization of the Goetia (which they later admitted) the book was linked again. Leading me to believe I should buy it since it peaked my interest this time.
Another thing is that I had the idea to listen to the song “Jar of Hearts” recently but kept talking myself out of it and it came on the radio per supposed chance. Another thing is that I found a red lighter on the floor in my home. No doubt my sister’s boyfriend’s brother Victor’s and took it for ritual later. I normally use 3 matches however it’s always good to have a backup. Then I was browsing “Hi I’m Case”’s old music and the album had a red lighter near identical on it. It’s kind of funny. Hi I’m Case introduced me to the idea of synchronicities on their broadcast. Then I finally decided to read my book “Space/Time Magic” by Taylor Ellwood that I had purchased near millenia ago. Upon finally reading it, it mentioned this idea three fold and now the idea can’t un-escape me. Also side note: while writing this entry I kind of hate the needless complexity of English (you know the original language this writing is in).
I want to make it clear that I don’t actually know what I’m doing. If it wasn’t obvious to you upon initial reading. This journal is about my ascent into magick. My journal of madness. My trials upon magickal discovery. This is not a grimoire. It is a diary. There is a huge difference. This means at the start of these entries their will be misinformation. I’m still trying to see what works and what doesn’t and I am very much a new student of the craft. The purpose of this journal in a lot of ways is to show how much I will grow as a magician. It’s to show where I started off and it’s a comparison for where I will eventually be. “The greats weren’t great because they could paint, the greats were great cus they paint a lot” – Macklemore. One thing I have learned as the amatuer magician I am, is that nobody likes you to see them as a novice. Thus most people hide any evidence they once were. But even Crowley (regardless of what you think of the man) wasn’t born into this life just knowing shit. Most people never fuking get that. I am not special. Nobody is.
Everybody starts somewhere. This journal isn’t so meant so much to teach you the reader anything. It’s just my log of where I started. It will hopefully be passed down through the generations of my family as a log or rather tutorial to them of where to go and where to look. I know I do things wrong. I know I read to much into shit. I know I’m mildly crazy and a bit deluded in places still even to this day. I know all of that. I am hyper aware of all my faults and that is part of the territory.
In other news I told Beelzebub that I would only work with him for the time being. While I haven’t called anything off with these other entities my focus is to remain on him in the present. If further action is required I’m sure he will tell me. Also unrelated let’s talk about looks. I plan to completely alter my physical form. I am not attractive. I am fat. In all definitions of the word. In America this is seen as disgusting and undesirable. The ideal in America is chiseled features, strong bone structures, thin and petite for women and strong and muscularly built for men. I am neither of these things.
I am fat, with a face full of acne well into my early twenties. I look revolting and am by far one of the most hideous people I know. My body is a potato. The only thing I like about myself is my hair. I know I am attractive. At Least kind of when I was thin I was often hit on and seen as desirable. So as someone who is 210 pounds and chubby beyond comprehension with crooked yellow teeth, perky lips and terrible acne, I’ve decided to do some shapeshifting. I know it is possible. People will tell you that you simply cannot use magick to change your form. Those people are liars or misguided but regardless rather wrong. Magick especially solomon or “goetic” magick does change your face. You cannot change your eye color, or anything dramatic like growing three arms. But with time, and patience within several years you’ll look like what you want. Or better at all. Magick can change your face. It takes time but it is possible. But conscious effort can be made. Hell the demon Orias can make men into anything or any shape and I don’t take that description lighty. It’s possible. It’s not for newbies and it is work but possible. This on top of the fact that for personal reasons I am going on medicine that will naturally change my face dramatically anyways will give me my desired results.
So here is my starting point. I know I am not easy on the eyes. I don’t need to be lectured on this.
I know complete and total garbage. These were screenshots from an old video I did some time ago but I look the same say for a shorter more red haircut. Hopefully I will be able to post these results later.
So yes I’m going to start at that point. I want to be very clear. I am doing my best not to rely on entities for everything nor blame them for things always going wrong. I have a habit of both. If I want to learn to shapeshift I will learn to shapeshift and if I bring an entity in later I will do so but I should still know what it entails myself. If I want to learn to manifest wealth I will learn to manifest wealth. I can’t just sit around on my ass expecting entities to do everything and hand me everything. If I want to be a magician I have to learn to do MAGICK.
So far I’ve only done sprit work. And while learning the exercises and shit is good for me. It doesn’t teach me shit. Right now all I know is “Pacts, how time works, Solomons work and everything that it entails, sigils, divination, reading between the lines, syncretism, proper evocation, several stray concepts I do not know how to categorize” that’s so fuking limited. Sure I’ve done proper spells in the past, and sure I have met gods in the flesh and sure I can evoke a demon to my face within incense, but those things are not enough for me. I am a child. I do not know anything. I know about ascent but how the hell do I get their beyond the meer concept of burning anew?
This is such my fuking problem. I’m naive. I don’t know what I’m doing. I know enough not to get myself killed and I literally just heard an entity say “you do” on the topic of not knowing but I doubt myself so much journal. It’s frustrating. I just want more and more and more and have no idea about what work requires me getting there.
I have visions of the future. Okay that’s cool. How do we adapt this into something I can use and manipulate? I can read between the lines easily. Okay cool how do we find shit that does this beyond songs? I know how to enter a story and change it but what purpose does such a thing serve? That last one is something rather complicated that I don’t think I should reveal here not just for fear of insanity (I am insane I don’t care about that bit) but because I don’t want anyone else doing that shit. I’m selfish.
I know I am going to be worshiped one day, I know I will ascend. I know there are plans for me. But how the fuking hell do I work to get to that point. What if it’s all in my head? I know it’s not but other people don’t fuking know that. It irritates me so much. I know my future. I know way more about this world than I let on, and I know so fuking much but it just isn’t enough for me…
Will it ever be?
I don’t know. I know alot and I know nothing at the same time. I’m just frustrated. I need to learn.
On the topic of learning an entity I work with wants me to study math and science my two worst subjects. I suck at both equally. Well okay physics I can at least wrap my head around but how does one do basic multiplication? I’m kidding but I do struggle there. Anyways that’s been todays journal I’ve worked myself into a fuss yet again.
It’s funny this book is so much more “Acrians rants about his problems” rather than “heres Acrian’s magick problems and his progress” hence i guess why I consider it a journal. Goodnight I’m angry.
Journal 7: “I like my coffee like I like my nights, dark, ominous, and impossible to sleep through” – Cecil Palmer
Just gona start off this one with talking about some signs from yesterday then I’ll move on to my dream. I saw “we keep our promises” on a truck yesterday. Read a japanese blog that said “I will make my child a teacher” and I follow a lot of japanese blogs given I am learning such a language and normally entities communicate with me through them. I kept seeing butterflies when I went out. Getting birthday imagery. Claimed to be a skeptic online and vagued about everything falling into place by pure “luck” not the most clever lie but Hi I’m Case responded since we are mutuals. Kept seeing 6, 4, 3, and 11. There was a Cherry blossom tree by my gym and Sakura has been on my mind. An entity said “you lied to me” recently and I couldn’t figure out about what. My X Friend MM##@%#’s name and his alias “Mikey” I use in public to refer to him appeared a couple times.
I just had a weird dream. Let me preface this by saying last night an entity tell me he was going to give me a vision in my sleep. I told him to do it towards the end of my dream else I wouldn’t remember it when I awoke. In the dream I was at the bar. It was the 80s. I had previously just gotten rid of a creepy dude hitting on me and I think he was a king? And got to him to leave. A very attractive dark haired man visited me. He looked like someone from the rock scene. Upon seeing his hair I immediately thought he was Simon. Eventually it became clear within the context of the dream this dark haired man, my Simon was my guardian angel. He opened his mouth and sat down at a booth with me and began talking. His voice was feminine so I left. Which confused me because Simon’s voice was always deep. I justified it within the context of the dream. I headed to a bar and bragged about how I would know the bartender dolly parton in the future eventually her image changed entirely and she was a different person completely. I know this is weird but hell its a dream.
Simon re-appears at the end of the bar. He’s mouthing words and moving his hands in gestures kinda like sign language. He mouths the following “i came down to visit you. However when I opened my mouth i was shocked at my voice, no doubt a curse from my father, so now I’m looking in the mirror to satisfy my ego” then he made a gesture and I looked in the mirror at the bar and saw him looking in it and woke up. The purpose of what i assumed in the dream was god or whatever cursed his voice to be like that. But alas I woke up before proper explanation. Upon waking up I can safely say that wasn’t Simon. My alter Simon is who I am talking about from my past having D.I.D. D.I.D is rather complicated and im not going to explain it in much detail since I no longer suffer from it. If you don’t want to do your own research just consider him my made up persona or character or something I don’t know and I don’t care.
But yeah waking up I can tell whoever that blue eyed man was (gorges by the way) he wasn’t Simon. Simons gone. Guardian angels don’t exist. I must have misidentified and the logic of the dream trapped me within its world. I kind of wish I had caught on because if I had I could’ve had a proper conversation with him whoever it was. The reason I thought it was Simon was the emo haircut. It was exactly what simon had. But now upon waking I realize the dream was set in the 80s at a rock concert show, and it’s not weird for people to have that sort of wear in such settings. Also he probably took the form he did because it was pleasing to me. I remember thinking at the bar “I’m not gona say he’s ugly. I do find him attractive” before Simon appeared.
Overall it was a rather strange dream. I like it when entities visit me in my dreams. I only hate how I’m a dumbass in my dreams. Anyways. Going back to sleep. Night. Just heard a spirit say “lets try this again” with the song “you misidentified” looping in my head. Anyways night.
Journal 8: “Remember if you see something, say nothing and drink to forget” – Cecil Palmer
So I don’t have anything interesting to talk about lately. I’ve been seeing owls a lot online and for a second I thought it was Prince Stolas for some reason who’s a demon often depicted as an owl but it turned out to be Athena. Which makes me think the whole “Athena’s egg” dream wasn’t just my mind being weird. I keep having a dreams where I steal something under the circumstance I’m allowed to take it or under the impression it’s okay to take whatever I’m stealing and then end up getting caught finding out I’m not supposed to take it and that I actually stole it and then I’m returning it. I did used to steal in real life but that’s another conversation for another day.
I have no idea what these dreams mean or are supposed to convey. I also had a mermaid dream as per the course. Athena once visited me in a dream after I messed with her mythology in ways I wasn’t supposed to. She had brown hair which I was not expecting. She used my interests and the communities I was apart of at the time in order to convey the following “they were interfering where they shouldn’t have. They thought they were helping. You understand?” or something among those lines it’s hard to describe and it was a long time ago so I don’t remember it well. I’ve had a lot of gods visit me in dreams.As well as in real life. It’s gotten to the point where if I encounter someone who isn’t human I can tell it is them instantly. Normally I would meet them at the bar but sometimes if they wanted to meet me they would find me whenever they could.
I remember talking to a young adult looking african american man. He was very pretty. I was batshit insane at this time. I was spewing nonsense because you know I was insane. He asked me why I didn’t want to live a long life? And I told him some nonsense. I eventually made a “deal” with him or something that if I could have friends I would live a long life. He got up to leave and I asked his name he told me but I can’t remember. It started with an R. Then a little later I went outside on the bench. An old white man with a beard sat next to me. I instantly recognize this man as Odin. He was quite on the nose for what I imagined. It seemed like he was waiting for something sitting next to me. So I started a conversation.
I don’t remember what we talked about. I was insane and I don’t remember it well. I had a severe delusion and I explained to him my reasoning per the reason. Even though I was crazy he saw through the crazy and understood what I was trying to say. He shook my hand and said “welcome to the family” and then smiled with a laugh and left. That was not the only time I met him. I remember I was institutionalized for being crazy. There was a woman. I instantly recognized her divinity. She had some sort of weird vibe about him. She was mistreated by the staff and demanded respect. Then she was forced to leave after our conversation which again I cannot remember because she was not crazy enough to stay in the crazy ward. I don’t think that was him. I don’t know who that was.
Then later I was with a bunch of people in the hospital. I was shaking everyone’s hand and introducing myself cus that was part of my delusion. I remember I had a friend at the hospital. He said to me. “Well, I’m not looking for a daughter, I’m not looking for a wife” and I said something and then we agreed to be friends. I always felt like that man could read my mind. He wasn’t crazy. None of the people I was with were at least not the ones I associated with. They were the ones that tolerated me. He had a beard and I think long hair though I cannot recall. He told me after he shook my hand that “Your never going to recognize me” and I said “that’s fine” and then he left to eat on his own. It seemed like he disappeared from the hospital after that. I know that wasn’t Odin either but it was odd. The man appeared in my dream later on after that and I know he was a god. Why he lived in the hospital to meet me I will never know.
But back to Odin. I was in the elevator like I was saying shaking everyone’s hand because I was crazy. There was a new “janitor” there that reminded me of him. I shook his hand and he smiled and continued his conversation with the staff manager. I remember my first thought was “maybe it’s odin” and I saw this “janitor” as he was posing take a step back with seeming surprise. When I was reading up on mythology I studied the norse gods. I gave either Frig or Freya an offering on friday the thirteenth. I often got them mixed up with each other but never voiced this to anyone.
I was at a bar. My partner AJ at the time was going to go as Aphrodite but something compelled them not to do this. It was a “gods and goddesses” night. I didn’t want to dress up as anyone. I didn’t want to risk offending anyone. And I had a feeling real gods might show up. I’ve met a lot of gods there and didn’t want to piss anyone off. So I go and I’m having a good time. There’s a couple and their dressed kind of oddly. Everyone was dressed up as gods so I thought nothing of it. Everytime I tried to talk to these two they ignored me rather intentionally. Eventually the woman broke down and we had a conversation or maybe she just saw my approaches and decided to humor me. I said I was “Acrians” though I used my real name which I won’t reveal here and she said she was “Frig the real one” her words exactly.
I was caught off guard. She said “people get Frig and Freya confused but they’re not the same” paraphrasing there and I had never voiced that to anyone I’d met not even my partner who was there with me. There was no way for her to know since I’d never spoken of this unless she was the real one and given my track record with accidently meeting deities or accidental on my end I believed her and to this day I still believe it was her. She had tattoos and her hair was braided.
I don’t know much about norse mythology. I should probably mention that. I once had a dream where I was running away from the apocalypse, and I was in a forest. There I met a talking black wolf which I asked for directions to a place. I can’t remember. He said in his sly voice “you’re going the wrong way” and then I woke up and googled it and it was some sort of norse concept for direction or something. But back to the point.
I was at the bar and everybody surrounding me was a deity or something. There was a guy human who was walking around asking who everybody was. He finally came to me and said “who are you” and before I could answer Frig said “she’s human” and I tried to interrupt to clarify something cus I was mad and she repeated “she’s human. Trust me” and the guy smiled and moved on.
Frig was really cool. She was fun and nice and I liked her alot. She eventually left. I remember it was another night. Same bar. And I was in the smoking area to meet people as always. A guy sat down and approached me. He had a beard and I had seen him before. I think he worked there. He started asking me a lot of questions. He started naming gods over and over and over again. Eventually it became clear he was trying to guess which god I was. I’m not a god. I might claim to be within the goetic workings I do but its really a symbolic thing within that ritual and with those spirits. It’s like how they call you king when you have no kingdom to speak of. I’m not immortal. I’m not a deity. I’m not a god. I remember upon his Questicoatl guess I thought “that doesn’t sound like me” his face changed and he guessed Waygl and described them to me i thought “that sounds more like me” but I’m not Waygl I just related on the gender front. Apparently this satisfied him and the conversation trailed off.
I remember I once spoke to a deity. He never told me who he was. He was brief and talked some things and then made a comment about “looking out for life” and I was spooked but then he left. This all took place at this same bar by the way.
I’ve had several different entities visit me in my dreams. Once I was looking into Anansi thoroughly because I like him rather a bit. He visited me in my dream along with an entity named “Charon” I know nothing about. Charon was quite and didn’t talk much. He did ask me about my vest and I made a comment about taking inspiration from Anansi but that was just me being a dumbass in the dream because in reality I just like vests.
Eventually I woke up. Divinity has a certain feeling about it. When you dream of a god if it is just a dream it feels like a dream and nothing feels off about it. But if it’s the real thing it will have a sort of vibe about it. Divinity has a vibe. I can’t describe it, it just does. It’s like a non human signature I can’t describe it. And the way you tell the real from the fake is that you will feel this signature. They won’t feel human. Eventually you’ll realize it after talking to them enough. Not like they are higher than you but like they have a presence that is not of you. It’s the same sort of presence you get in a siningog or a church. If you know what I’m talking about you know and if you don’t you don’t. You really have to come across it alot of times or be sensitive to it in order to notice it.
I’ve had so many more experiences that I just can’t describe. Some of which I’m not willing to. I’ve never told people this. The only person I opened up on this level to was my X-friend M##@%#. He met a god with me so he knew I wasn’t full of shit. He believed me to much even when I was crazy. But I swear to myself that I will never become that vulnerable and open and close to a person again. He damaged me.
Back to the point I can imagine you asking me if since I have a history of schizoeffective disorder and since I have a history of delusions and insanity how I know that this wasn’t that. Because I got better. I’m pretty stable right now. I am coherent. And while I’m sure someone reading this thinks I’m still insane most serious practitioners know I am stable enough to be able to tell. When I was on medicine it was like I was cured and guess what? While I was cured free from anxiety, depression, delusions and ocd? It kept happening. That’s the difference between this and a delusion. Not to mention I can tell if I’m off the rocker. And I wasn’t off the rocker during all of this. Some of it sure, but there’s no such thing as coincidence in magick. But it doesn’t matter, nobody believes me and I don’t care if they do. This is my journal and I’ve become quite open and vulnerable just admitting this happened to you.
Point is I’ve encountered it plenty of times. I know it’s not normal. I don’t know why it happened. But it did.
In my real life I’m still trying to get on testosterone. I’ve been making an effort to eat healthy with entities help but I don’t know how well it’s going. I’m a horrible judge of my own character. Do to my own discoveries I’ve come to the conclusion that Belzebub is not only a storm/rain deity but also a solar one perhaps as well? It’s sort of unclear. Most goetic enties are not gods. They can’t visit this plain of reality. If they were gods they still could. However a few of the goetic entities (a reminder i’m using the term for simplification purposes I know the magician is the goet) I can identify as former gods. He is one of them.
In regards to signs I keep seeing bicycles everywhere. I’ve encountered and entity I cannot identify who is trying to be a mother figure to me. I don’t know her. Last time I had an entity do such a thing it ended rather poorly. I once knew an entity I called Erico who claimed to be a goddess and a teacher and she said she was solar entity and communed with me through my japanese textbook. However she gave up on me fairly angry threatening smite when I chose the left handed path. She just wasn’t interested in working with someone on the left handed path.
I find myself missing her at times but I don’t know. So yea. I do consider Belzebub to be a father figure. But it’s just cus he has that vibe. Similar to Lucifer who I will mention I do not work with. Some entities just come across that way. And while it’s fine to see them in that light you need to know what boundaries are and know the difference between the literal, the feeling, and the symbolic.
Again I am not actually god or actually a king but those symbols are something I apply to myself and the entries I work with have applied to me in proper contexts do to the power they bestow. I remember passing a sign today that said “testing” and I’m reminded that I am being tested a lot lately. I am unsure of what’s being tested. I have failed some of these tests. I have passed others. Sometimes I am told when I am being tested sometimes I am not.
Back to the topics of signs I keep seeing money and thousand dollar imagery. I thought this was Beelzebub because that is something I have seen people associate with him but I am unsure as of this matter. I have an agreement with him regarding my career that I’m not going to discuss to in depth. Entities have specialties. If you work with demons and you want a good grip on getting that dream job he’s who I would recommend for such a task. Especially if you are a musician or rapper but that’s another topic for another day.
I think he’s rather wonderful in all regards. I like him quite a bit. He asked me for a task during evocation but I was not able to properly process it. I am okay with doing tasks for spirits. But I’ve made ameatur mistakes before based upon not being able to understand the tasks. So I will only do the task for a spirit if I can properly understand what they are asking as they are asking it. Now all of a sudden I am getting a strong urge to call him so I shall tonight after my family goes to sleep.
I’m going to keep my basic set up of three white candles, incense, chalk and a triangle for now. It’s by no means a proper evocation set up however it works and it’s all I have right now. I’ve gotten three newer white virgin candles in order to perform a proper evocation as per instructed by Rob’s Magick Blog. Here’s the link I apologize for you having to manually type it.
From what I understand everything he’s said here seems to check out. From my understanding of magick it should work. I want to experiment with different methods until I can find one that works beyond what I have now. I’ve been told by the entities what I’m doing isn’t proper evocation. It might work but it isn’t a formal or “correct” method. That matters. I just felt Beelzebub’s presence now and I keep getting the vibe he wants me to call him during the day so I’m going to have to make that work. Given I work with other people and keep this for the most part from them. I would quickly become homeless shall they discover my magick.
I was just told be Belzebub to wait to call him until the day. That’s fair. But I still have this pull to call him tonight which is rather odd. A lot of people will tell you not to trust demons. Not to give them the time of day. That they are selfish creatures and tricksters at heart. That’s not really true. While you shouldn’t go in with blind faith or end up like the idiots who worship them you should have a level of trust there. Be skeptical. Because they will manipulate you into benefiting in some regard. They do have agendas. That’s a thing. While they may help you they will use you to achieve their goals as well. They will change you into what they see as better and if you are not prepared for such a thing don’t work with demons. They aren’t angels. They aren’t gods. They aren’t going to be fluffy and caring.
While they can be kind and they can be cruel they aren’t all the same and they can be alluring do to the dark aspect it shouldn’t be ignored the danger that comes from working with them. That being said I trust Belzebub. I want you to know I have a good understanding of why many people would say I shouldn’t and why I would say many people wouldn’t like my method of working with these entities the way I do. I’m aware I come across as naive and stupid on these matters. But I have my reasons and hopefully if you’re reading this you’ll understand why I have them and the ways of which I have come to them. Anyways Belzebub wants to read my journal so I’m going to go for now goodnight.
Journal 9: “All of space and time, everything that ever happened or ever will, where would you like to start?” – The Doctor
Signs (a long log of signs from today): saw an amazon truck while riding in the car and a whiskey truck that said “there are no shortcuts” on it. The number 93. I’ve been told I am asleep and not awake. I really need to wake up. I keep seeing wanting “more” referenced and “home” referenced. I continue to see birthday imagery. Been seeing a lot of plane imagery. Been told to go to the dog park. Received this image via memes.
This image may seem like a joke, and it is but it’s also the sort of signs I’ve been getting about having to make a choice regarding paths. I don’t think it refers to the left or right handed path. I’ve chosen the left handed path and am happy with that decision. It might refer to spirits and choosing between them but I am unsure. A spirit asked me about choices recently and I’m rather confused on the matter.
I keep seeing pregnancy imagery regarding the future in divination and it’s making me rather uncomfortable even in tarot. I use the mermaid tarot by Leaza Robertson. It’s a very kind and understanding deck. I’ve had decks that were just assholes before but this one was nice and that matters to me in divination. I passed a test recently. I was told I passed a test in my head but I assumed it was my mind playing tricks despite hearing it twice. But this was confirmed in the latest japanese lesson I had online where one of the messages translated was “I was praised for the result of the test by the teacher.” So I passed it which is good. I have no idea how I’m being tested but I’m passing and failing accordingly which is good. I’m starting to realize what Belzebub meant for when he asked for control. It should worry me but it doesn’t. I get it. I would never promise it again having learned the meaning. However. I’m not going back on our arrangement or anything it’s just that now I know the meaning of what he asked for I wouldn’t do it again. I keep seeing the name Bob everywhere. It’s rather strange and somewhat odd. As well as the name Eric and all of M##@%# my X-friend’s names.
The letter G is appearing alot. Evoked Belzebub and he told me butterflies represented change. I keep seeing my dream car everywhere. It’s not a common car. It’s the car I’ve always wanted. It’s a 1967 chevrolet impala. It’s a muscle car and not common at all. I keep seeing it on tv, in my neighborhood and even in video games. An entity told me “congradulations” out of nowhere as I was watching my sisters boyfriends brother play video games. I whispered what about and heard the voice say “you’ll receive some news tonight” only time will tell. I’m starting to notice shit really out of nowhere. Then I realize something like an epiphany about the thing that nobody else would even think and I think and it’s obvious it’s a sign or message for me. For example I looked a police car in a video game and the thought occurred “be careful around cops” and I looked at a blonde woman with sunglasses in the same video game and the thought occurred “you’ll meet someone like her” I just hope I remember. I’m getting these messages for a reason so I’m writing them down do to my faulty memory. I keep noticing five pointed stars lately. I watched a video recommended for me on youtube that said “g stood for good” and that’s something I’m told a lot by an entity when I do something right. I was asked earlier this evening what color car I prefered and I responded “red or black” which is true, and then my mom came home with a replacement car that was a mustang. She was super excited that she “got the best car there” when I went out to see the car it was beautiful and red. It means something. Maybe it’s a gift? I don’t know but its really cool. I heard a voice say “you’ll meet your heroes soon” which is cool cus I have agreement about that, listen while I never will share this journal it is rather personal so I’m not sure I’m going to disclose it just yet. I was told to pay attention to my family. What they say. The entity said their would be hidden messages for me within what they say. I was also told “you shouldn’t trust everything you see”.
Those are all the signs for now. Let’s talk about an expeirent I tried. I was i the bathtub. I decided to try to commune with my higher self through a process I won’t fully discuss here. I started by trying to focus on my higher self and connect with him. I said to myself “Future Acrians if you can time travel give me a sign” I went out of the bathtub at 1:03 and continued to type this up at 1:05 4/5/19. I saw the image of a man within the dirt of the shower but overall I was unsure. I muttered to myself “that isn’t enough”. I picked up a random book from my shelf “the thirst” by Christopher Pike, I turned to two random pages. The pages were “474” and “475” not only was my real name directly mentioned in the book off handedly but a random passage from the book read “I have a feeling tonight is my night” and “Can I get you something stronger” which may seem like I’m pulling at strings. Or grasping at nothing. But remember what I said earlier about feeling when a sign is meant for me? This was that. So it’s constructed in a way where nobody else will pick up on it or be able to recognize it but I would.
I realize I sound manic and that I sound rather mad but I continued on with the experiment. I saw a sparkle out of the corner of my eye. This only happens when spirits are in the room. It is now 1:12 AM the tv wasn’t working. I opened up the book and asked for a sign about my future. In this book page 410 came up and all that stood out to me was “the plague of death has been sweeping LA is communicable” which sounds ridiculous so I continued to flip pages again and landed on 556 and that was the end of that. I felt the need to turn on my radio. So I turned on the app Pandora given the application itself despite being a music player is embedded in magick.
Everything from it’s branding to it’s advertisers to it’s name. I heard a voice say “I’ll have one of your favorite artists mention you in the past. It’s already come out. I’ll show you” paraphrasing mostly. Then I picked up my french book and two things popped out. “Is he ready? Yes” was a phrase translated. Then “nobody answered” is also a phrase. Nobody is my alias. It’s my go to when spirits need to be extra covert. I find that I like having multiple aliases and names are super useful but thats another topic for another day. Before you ask, yes I did steal the idea from the odyssey. But regardless per this manic and mad experiment I went on. The first the song “hey rachel” from the band “As it is” played but it wasn’t meant for me. Then “What did I miss” from the musical “Hamilton” played no doubt to relay some sort of message that I couldn’t understand. The tv refused to work and I still kept trying to get it to. Several songs about “dreaming” played. A screen came on the television that said because the router had been disconnected downstairs (no doubt from my sister’s boyfriend playing xbox) that my television wouldn’t work for that reason. How convenient. I was starting to think that it might just be a normal spirit fuking with me. Overall it was a failed exercise and experiment but rather interesting nevertheless. The purpose of this experiment was rather trying to find ways to commune with my future self. I’ve been studying space and time magick and it was something I was curious about. It appeared on the surface to fail even though I thought it would work. I’m not going to describe the process I went through in the shower. But I chose it for a reason and I had things with me in the shower while I did it and I will leave it there.
Journal 10: “This is who I am, right here, right now, all right? All that counts is here and now, and this is me!” – The Doctor
I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I do not have a fascination with time. I do. It’s a strong one. While many people within my culture at this time period will tell you “time travel is a white man’s fantasy” I feel like that discounts other people from other eras and locations of the world besides America. What about one of the many places in Africa? What about matriarchal societies? What about China or Rome? The world doesn’t revolve around America. If done properly with extensive research time travel can be for anybody.
So why am I bringing this up in my magickal diary? Because I want to explore changing my life fundamentally. It’s something fascinating to me. I was reading Taylor Ellwoods book today the book in question is “Space/Time Magic”. He was speaking about a friend of his altering his reality through projecting himself into the past and changing such events and his friend accordingly. This is something I’ve speculated about though not always in a magickal manner since I was a child. In the book he describes how his friend changed himself and lost parts of his identity do to changing the past. This is exciting and enticing and wish fulfilling in so many regards.
I want to do it. I’m not going to just jump into it or anything of the sort. I realize it’s rather risky and I must think it through. My first thought was changing getting myself institutionalized. But then I realized if I was to do such an operation I never would have recovered from my initial madness and my timeline would be messed up for the worst. I then thought back to somehow being able to preserve my relationship with M##@%#. Then I realized I wouldn’t have made several songs of the music I had made and wouldn’t have gotten over my codependency issues. I thought a safe bet would just be to alter my timeline in ways where I never told my X-friends Crocker and Jane about my delusions at all thus keeping them in my life. This seems rather safe and might be where I start.
So here’s the original event: my friend roxy and i went to the amusement park. I was mad from magick at the time and started going on about zombies and a war she didn’t know about then I continued to pick up trash thinking I needed it. So my operation would be to make it as though I never went at all. I would be able to see the effects of the operation within my contact list which she would still be apart of. At Least that’s my broken hypothesis.
I want to write down everything about me right now. So I know if anything changes in the future. Not just do to my operations with the Goetia but do to fuking with time I’ll know the diffrence. Hi journal. My name is Acrians. Acrians locket. I’m 21. Fat, chubby and transgender. I become shy in regards to my looks and appearance and become almost cocky about the things I’m good at when I am good at them such as my singing voice but overall have no ego to speak of. I hate myself and everything about me. I’m insecure, I’m shy, I’m clingy and I’m needy. The most important thing to me is my friends. I have no friends. But friendship is what I desire most in this life. The closest human being I’ve ever been close to is M##@%#. Who ended our friendship earlier this year without an explanation mainly do to him perceiving me as insane. My friend Kathy got hit by a car a long time ago. It was my fault and I blamed myself endlessly for hours until it drove me to madness.
I come off as a bit crazy at times. I’m often incoherent. I do not understand social quess. I am awkward and insecure. I have a bubbly personality. I’m often all over the place and sporadic but in a good way. I mention things off handedly and expect people to know exactly what I am talking about and how I’m talking about it. I have really obscure interests. Such as Homestuck and Doctor Who. Magick is a special interest out of these. I’m really liberal and left leaning but as long as you are not hurting anyone I don’t care if you disagree with my politics and while I am often preachy I try not to force them down your throat or let it affect our friendship overtly. That being said I’m super passionate and pushy as well as poetic about my politics when they arise. I’m super insecure. I have a nice face. I like my face but also I hate it. I like myself a lot until I start worrying about how my friends or peers will see me and then I start to hate everything.
Sometimes I jump into a random english accent for no apparent reason. I love medieval england and was born into this life with an obsession on it. I’m very self destructive. I hate everything I do and end up blaming everyone about it when things go wrong. I’m obsessed with magick. I love tattoos and still miss my emo phase. I have anxiety and panic attacks. I’m into alternative rock in every sense of the word and can talk myself out of anything if I believe in it enough. I never really drank or smoked. Outside of the mental ward where it was the only thing available to do and the hospitals gave us free cigarettes so I dabbled then. Even when I went to bars I only drank fancy coffee. I’m super sensitive. I’m a very kind and caring person. I’m terrifying when I am angry. But while easily irritated I’m not often angry. When I do get upset it’s usually over something rather petty and not worth a long grudge. That being said I used to love holding grudges but gave it up as a teenager.
That’s probably not enough. But while poorly written I think it describes me fairly well right now. I’ve messed with my timeline before. I haven’t done it yet but I can just tell. I’ve always thought about it even from a young age. I think it’s more than synchroties. I have messed with it. I just know. I can tell. But I don’t know how. Anyways I’m getting distracted so that’s all for now. About to try some television divination.
Journal 11: “The secret of success is to be ready when your opportunity comes” – Benjamin Disraeli
So for starter, I’m finally “ready” I keep getting message that I’m “ready” but I still have no idea for what that means or what it entails. I feel like I should mention it here because it means *something* but what I do not know. The more I explore online the more irritated and angry I become at the new age community and their portrayal of witchcraft. I got scolded by a blog with less than one year of experience for saying “Goetic entities aren’t tricksters to be commanded” as if they were some aficionado on the subject do to having a mentor with 5+ years. Nevermind that time doesn’t equal experience but that’s another story for another day. While I am not an aficionado on the subject I take much issue with the fact that someone would plaster themselves as an expert if that is their outlook. Especially when they claim to be a knowledgeable source on the matter.
But we’re not here to talk about the toxicity that is tumblr. My book arrived today. “The Conjuring Codex” by _________________that I had ordered previously. I’m hesitant to open it up not because I’m not willing to read it but because I am currently engulfed in “Space/Time Magic” by “Taylor Ellwood”. I find it interesting his approach. He mentions in the book that he doesn’t advertise his work. He trusts that whoever needs to find it will. I found his work when scurrying to find info on time travel magick. Then I found myself recommending this very book to others on the same endeavor. So while he was right I find it a weird approach.
Advertising books is never going to be easy. Especially in an avenue such as magick. If I were ever to publish something such as this journal I don’t think I’d advertise it. But if I was to go about writing a grimoire or other educational matter on magick I’d try to get it into as many hands as possible. I say this seeing as I’m writing a grimoire. Speaking of grimoire I pronounce it (grim-mwah) and my name Acrians is pronounced (Ak-rons) just for future reference. Nothing irritates me more than mispronunciation. I was told by an entity I work with that my journal was going to be read. I assumed he meant by other people. This is something I have foreseen in some regards. I can’t imagine why though.
I want to be a celebrity. I’m not going to hide this. It was one of the appeals that finally pushed me into magick. Though one could easily argue that I always had that sort of draw I just needed a proper desire to justify it. That same desire ie, fame pushed me into the occult specifically where I work today. Now I’m going to go on a proper tangent for a moment before I come back to the original topic.
On the topic of fame I was talking to my future self recently. Let me explain. So I’ve always been curious about time travel as covered earlier. What many people fail to realize is that it is perfectly tangible through the avenues of magick. At least in some regards. I’m not going to go into specifically how. But time is not linear. It’s not a painted line where you can go from point A to point B. It’s more like a puddle of ink that you’re constantly drudging through. So what’s stopping you from going back to a deeper part of the pool? Besides the ability to hold your breath of course. But now this metaphor is escaping me.
So I was reading Taylor Ellwoods book. One exercise he suggests is sending an email to yourself using the website www.futureme.org. It allows you to send an email from now scheduled several years in the future. This intrigued me. I have this tendency to read work books and grimoires and never bother to perform their operations. The thought that I did this occured to me so instead of performing the operation as instructed I simply took the website and wrote a letter to my future self asking him questions and telling him about me right now. Still wasn’t the operation but it was close enough.
Pretty soon as I was doing this I felt a presence in the room. A masculine energy which I currently don’t possess. Everytime I wrote a question I heard or “felt” an answer. Then I asked the name and he told me it was me. I was talking to my future self and something about his energy didn’t seem to lie. I asked several questions about where I’d be and how things would go. He didn’t always give me the proper answer but he gave me most.
I asked if I would be a pop star or famous. The answer I received was “Depends on your definition of fame. I’m pretty well known if that’s what your asking.” and that’s why I bring this up. I asked his gender and got mixed messages so I asked to hear his voice and I felt it to be very deep. It was kinda shocking in a lot of ways seeing as much as and as hard as I try right now I just can’t seem to get on testosterone their so many blockages in my path. Some of which might even be supernatural. So the fact that his voice or my voice was deep was surprising.
I asked if he still did space/time magick. He told me he was “done with it for now”. So I responded in the said email that he should continue it and pick up the book we own. I tried my best to encourage him. He didn’t feel like me in a lot of ways but at the same time he felt like me in more ways than I could imagine. He was changed. No doubt from magickal operations but changed nevertheless. He was just different. Like this was me but it also wasn’t who I am right now. It was very strange. I ended the email and said goodbye but it such an odd and invigorating experience that I just can’t explain. I keep saying that but I don’t know how else to properly put it. My hypothesis is that I sent my presence back in time to when I was asking the questions. It’s a thing brought up in the book alot. So worst case scenario I forget about the email and then I answer it all these years later, read over the book and do as the book instructed. But in a lot of ways I could be guessing here and getting ahead of myself.
Point is I know I will be famous. That’s what I wanted to express. Fame pushed me into magick, and I have reassurance that it will happen and my efforts will pay off even if that isn’t the pure end goal anymore. Outside my future self I have many verifications on this. So why do I bring this up at all? Because if I become a celebrity in my year 2019 or further beyond and especially because I know I will keep up my skeptical facadiacal lies of being an atheist in the public eye. Would it then not be possible if as the spirit assured me that people read my presumably published diary that they then track me down and discover my magickal intent? Surely there’s enough information in this book to track down who I am. My gender, my status, my career, my friend’s names and my siblings who I take inspiration from, hell even the quotes themselves that start off each log of a journal entry. It wouldn’t be very hard as this journal is right now without revision or audits to tell who I am given you have the proper drive.
I want to be clear. I don’t care if people know I do magick. Magick in my society is super austorcized. It’s critically hated. But I don’t understand a lot of social conventions or why they exist at all. I just wasn’t born with an understanding of certain societal rules or taboos or why they are to be adhered to. I’m autistic and why that is the physical and practical explanation I often wonder. So no. I do not care if people know I am a magician or an occultist or even if it became public knowledge that I was working with demons. What I do care about is the entities I work with. Who have instructed me over and over and over again that I can’t let people know I work with them.
The entities I work with have plans for me and I honestly believe while self motivated do have my best interests at heart. Atleast to a proper degree more so than most occultists would credit them as having. They may be selfish in nature, but so are humans. Doesn’t mean they don’t want to help me or humanity out. They do what they think is best for you even if they do it in a way that benefits themselves greatly. That’s what my experience has been. I’m not going to say that the goetia is a book of roses and daffodils. That it is something to play with or trust blindly. If you don’t know what your doing it shouldn’t be touched at all.
However I am unconventional in my methods. While in-experienced in some regards I’m well versed enough and more than I show anyone especially this journal, to know what not to do. To know why it’s not to be done. If the enetites I’m working with ask me as a curtisdy for their own ambitions not to tell a soul than I shan’t. They haven’t given me a reason not to. Has every experience with the goetia aka the keys of solomon (because you know I use the wrong terminology for simplicity’s sake) for myself been a good one? Hell no. But I have good relationships with who I work with and I don’t want that to change. I trust them and they do look out for me to an extent so if they say it’s necessary to be quite about this then I will be quite about this.
So clearly you can see that it getting out would not be good yes? Again I don’t care. But they do. So I constructed the elaborate ruse of being an atheist and a skeptic. The most odd thing about my future self and me interacting was that he said some of his musician friends knew what he did. I asked if they did rituals together and he told me they hadn’t or at least that was the closest I could understand to his implication. But he had musical friends who knew of this. Rather strange indeed.
He also told me he had a lover which was nice. I have no friends or partner to speak of as of the moment so that’s important to me. Anyways I have just a few more things to mention before I leave because this journal is taking a toll on me energy wise. First is that I find myself disgusted and upset at addiction and cigarettes. That’s never been a thing before. I live with my sister, my mother and my sisters boyfriend who is really rather addicted to cigarettes and has even admitted an addiction to marijuana despite it supposedly not being an addictive substance. Previously this had never been an issue with me. I never saw a problem with his constant smoking.
Now I find it upsetting and revolting to a degree. I don’t care that it’s marijuana or smoking. I care that he’s dependent upon on a substance. I have a strong inclination that this is Beelzebub’s influence on me since everywhere I read up on him it says he has strong hatred towards these things. I don’t think he’s actively making me the same way I just think it’s apart of working with him. If you work with an entity long enough you might find that you become like them in some respects. That’s just how this works. You work with a lying entity for a while you might find yourself deceitful. You find yourself working with an entity who hates liars you might find yourself becoming rather honest. This is that sort of concept.
He hates addiction. Not only in this time have I dropped my dependence on caffeine and flavoured beverages but I have also gotten a strong distaste for addiction in general. I won’t know unless I ask him though. This is just a hypothesis. Lately I’ve been getting messages from the Duke Aim. Along with a marriage proposal from him. I’m not interested and have turned him down. I’m just trying to work with Beelzebub as instructed right now. He’s my focus point. I really want to work with all these other entities but right now that’s not what I’m doing and I will wait if I’m ever to do so again because I’m patient and I keep my promises even if I am late on the delivery.
I’ve started my own Grimoire. Right now the working title is called “How to sell your soul and other nifty things, a beginners guide to black magick” it’s an intentionally misleading title meant to draw in possible future magicians who are already misguided in their attempts. I’ve seen it. People who think magick is a shortcut when starting out. Who think you can magickally “sell your soul” and then get everything you’ve ever desired in a few days will happen for you with little to no effort. The title is meant to lure in that crowd. Then it sets them straight within the first few pages and hopefully if it works on getting them on the right path to actual magick and proper practices. Even spirit work and the goetia which I specialize in.
It’s the real life equivalent of click bait. Which is when a news article or a video trailer will have a misleading title that catches your eye to make you consume the concept despite not portaying it properly. Or portraying it only somewhat. Is it deceitful? Yes. Is it necessary? No. Does it work? Given my self made experience in marketing? Very much so.
I know what your thinking. “Acrians your not skilled enough to teach anybody anything!” and you’re right in some regards and wrong in others. I may not be able to school a critically acclaimed occultist but I understand the basics of most of the magick I do and I can easily guide and educate a newbie on where to start. Especially if they have no previous occult experience and don’t know how magick works. I’m not as stupid as I appear and I know enough. Plus that’s not even bothering to take into account that by the time the book is finished I will know enough to school an acclaimed occultist. At Least that’s the plan anyways.
I’m doing all of this anonymously. I took my magick name “Acrians” and added the last name “Locket” referring to a hearty lyric in one of my earlier songs in my music to create my pen name “Acrians Locket” I promise you no other human being on this planet has the name Acrians. It is mine and mine alone. If you ever meet someone who claims it’s them it’s either me or a liar in disguise. Ask them about their music career. That was a joke. I’m not very funny. I suppose many years down the line someone might take inspiration from me and steal my name but if you are one of these people don’t do so until I’m dead.
So yes that’s all for today. One last thing. Since I am very tired. My future self said he knew several languages. I doubt I could manage this in three years. Despite the fact that I have a gift for languages and learning them. I currently know a bit of japanese when I used to be conversational and that’s it. Interesting. Anyways that’s all for now. Goodbye.
Journal 12: “Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it’s a plan!” – The Doctor
Everything is lining up more and more than I could imagine. Its so fuking isnane. I had a revelation upon reading the conjure codex. It was incredible. I often find myself daydreaming while reading and reflecting on my own life as my eyes skim the page. It matters not the material at hand but rather my own mind. Everything is aligning. It started in the shower because of course it did. I was thinking about what I would say should I meet Hi I’m Case. You know the musician I constantly talk about? I don’t know why but I have a strong feeling we will meet in the future. Call it instinct if you must. By all means you will hear about it if we do. And what happened was I started off in a trail.
I was always into this comic called homestuck. Even as a hardcore atheist I enjoyed a bit of fantasy. It had a wide community of fans. As the comic was dying off do to being over I discovered a blog called “ask karkats voice” where a voice actor pretended to be a character from the comic, then he then would answer questions people would send him. I loved this blog. I would listen to it over and over. I felt like it was the only accurate portrayal of the character from the community of fans. The fans misunderstood this character especially in fanwork which is what this was. One day this user posted that he was making music since he had stopped the blog.
I checked the website he listed and never looked at it again. Then for this same comic I was watching a fan analyze it where he had a guest in the video who was hi Im case. Again it was mentioned that Case did music. I clicked to his youtube channel heard a few songs didn’t like them and left. Than I remember I was listening to old fan music for this comic. It had a really dedicated fanbase. One of the parodies was of a song called “Trying to hard” I thought it was from some punk metal band and decided to look them up. Though I didn’t connect the dots once again it was Hi I’m Case.
With much hesitance I listened to the original. I loved it with again hesitance looked up their other stuff and was delightfully surprised. They are now my favorite musician ever. At least at the moment. Then something crazy happened. I was talking to Belzebub I believe and he told me to @ my favrotie musicians on Twitter. You know the social media platform where people just yell into a void. So i did and one of them was Hi Im Case and then they followed me back. I then became a bigger fan and was introduced to synchronicities and a few other spiritual concepts through them. It’s crazy right? In a lot of ways they helped me wake up. So why do I bring this up upon speaking of the codex? Alot of shit in my life is like that i never connected the dots before.
I was born into a jewish family. I was taught hebrew at a young age. I forgot it as I was older but upon reading the codex realized that so much of the magick I do requires it and that i should learn it again. It’s so crazy that someone brought up in a jewish family would turn into a solomonic magician. Where hebrew is used constantly. Even in high school I considered picking it back up do to wanting to gossip secretly with my friends but I never bothered too.
Speaking of a while ago I considered founding a garden. My mother had one as I was a child. I needed some herbs for a ritual and found that it would be a good cover. Then later I watched a movie and had a desire to make one but didn’t. Then I watched a John Green video and still considered it but rejected the idea. Now this book is recommending I do and I just don’t consider it coincidence.
I’m meant to learn hebrew. I’m meant to make a garden. I was meant to find Hi Im Case for whatever reason and I just know that last bit aint over yet. Its crazy!!! I never even bothered to preview the book. I didn’t know it would talk about proper evocation. I just kept seeing it so I bought it on a whim! But I was struggling to learn proper evocation and now it’s in my hands!
Im blown away even though this is so elementary. The book also talks about taking on a god form accidentally. Thats happened before. When a messenger bird of the hindu religion was in my room out of nowhere. I became blue and had a couple arms while talking to it. I was terrified and got it to leave but I never mentioned that before because I never considered it. I remember once I had a dream where I was in a japanese palace talking to a japanese goddess who had some sort of solar aspect to her. We talked for awhile I don’t remember what of and before I woke up she told me this “yes I will visit you, but when you least expect it and not without proper payment” and then I woke up. It’s so crazy everything. It’s so dam crazy.
I can’t get ahold of myself. Earlier this morning i was recording a ukulele song that Belzebub and I wrote together. Though possibly Belial maybe more likely so since I get them confused. Not sure. A spider came down and visited me. It was just a rough recording for my patreon (which is a media platform on the internet where people pay you for exclusive stuff and nobody is subscribed to me by the way) but after recording it I felt weird. Like blue cold. Does that make sense? I dont have the words. But I felt powerful almost enchanted. I decided to listen back to the song and heard his voice over some of the lyrics. Like a whisper with my singing.
And then I finally I read the codex and so much shit becomes clear. This is fuking progress and im astounded. Now it’s raining. No doubt he’s eavesdropping. He is a storm and soler entity. That’s fine I trust him. Recently I was debating using the triangle. I was always taught by E.A koetting whose work I admire a great deal that it was a seat for the spirit. But after investigation in so many grimoires it’s said that the triangle is a forced thing for the spirit. I remember speaking to an entity about it. He said not to use it. Now my confusion has cleared and I see why. I trust belzebub way more than I should. I don’t think if I stopped using the triangle he’d attack me for using it since he’s very kind and compassionate and he knows I’m still learning. He is very much a mentor figure to me. I asked the entity at the time what to use instead and the entity said a square though the image of a polygon appeared in my head as he spoke. I hear a voice saying they don’t care if use a triangle right now and I assume it’s Beelzebub. Not to mention the phrase “better safe than sorry” also appeared in my mind just now. But it might be something I tinker with in regards to spirits I trust in the future.
I’m going to guess it’s how you use it. Anyways Belzebub is telling to me to keep reading so i’m going to wrap this up. I got syrup the other day for an entity. Not sure why it was needed. Also now its full blown storming. I went to mcdonalds for my healthy eating cheat day just to grab a burger and soda while there I was listening to twenty one pilots. I remember initially waking me up. I’m becoming so much more awake rapidly. I am even noticing shit between the lines before that I never took note of. I got a few signs from him while there and in the car. Via radio and a fly in the window. He sends bugs a lot. That’s a thing he does. Anyways remind me to tell you about my song later. Gona go. Goodnight.
Journal 13: “What’s the point of a diary if no one is gonna stumble upon it centuries later and fall in love with you after you’re dead?” – tumblr user handful-of-dirt
I particularly love the title of this entry in particular. It was something I found scrolling online. I find it rather amusing. Unless of course it is in fact many centuries later and you are in fact in love with me in which case….stop that. Jokes aside today’s entry I was dedicated to making special. After all 13 is a special number. However I have not much special to write down. I just got done with an evocation of Beelzebub. He wasn’t in a particularly good mood. He wanted me to “get on with it” and when I asked why he was so upset it was because I called him on a Sunday. That was something I recall reading about spirits years ago but I never put it into action. A weird thing happened upon the evocation. I had a hard time lighting the candles. The match kept going out and their wasn’t any sort of natural phenomena that would cause it.
It wasn’t particularly cold there was no wind. The matches just kept going out. At one point I took one match and lit it with another candles flame and another candle spontaneously lit itself while I was still getting the flame and the candle who’s flame I borrowed went out entirely. I didn’t quite see his face in the smoke this time but rather his general essence. I told him I felt he wanted me to call him and that’s why I called him and he said that wasn’t it. I asked him what days he preferred to be called and he told me Wednesdays at 4.He confirmed the tattoo again and said the color didn’t matter. I asked if I just needed the symbol or his name and he said the symbol but the name with it was preferred. I was tempted to give him a task but went against it. I asked about the pact being required and he told me that we had an agreement and I couldn’t quite make out what he was trying to say so I left it there.
I’m getting a better grasp at his personality than before. That’s something that’s been on my mind. He told me he didn’t care about the triangle and mentioned it being a formality. I asked him if I was “meant” to find Hi I’m Case’s music and he said no. That I wasn’t “meant” to find anything. He then asked if Hi I’m Case was a musician I admired and he used this language specifically for a reason I shan’t disclose here. I told him yes but that’s not what I was getting at. After all this I said goodbye and still heard the engine of cars running in the background.
Normally if you hear a cough or an engine that’s him. At Least that’s how he communicates with me anyways. Overall it was a rather short evocation do to myself being not necessarily uneasy about him being upset but rather not wanting to waste his time and a bit awkward about the scenario. I really wanted to ask his help with a task but decided against it. He was also mad at me for not doing what he asked. Which was writing a song for him or rather 4. As well as not completing the second poem he asked me to do. I wasn’t about to go say a spirit started getting on me when I was writing it. As for the 4 songs I’ve been working on one of them but I really have no excuse beyond my being lazy for not completing them.
Something that has peaked my interest as of late is evoking events into your life. One thing that every magician will eventually learn how to do is evoke the possibility of something rather than an entity. This process is rather interesting at least to my knowledge. It’s where you make a possibility occur by evoking it. You evoke something happening in your life. You can even do it with objects if you know how to. Making yourself come into contact with the object. I want to do this. I don’t know how yet but I’m sure with time I will learn. I can’t stress enough I’m a total novice in a lot of regards and the other day even though it wasn’t to long ago I was reading over my first journal entry and it reeked of amateurity and inexperience. If I was to write up the same passage now I would scold the person writing it. It had that many mistakes.
I should fix that. Not the entry itself mind you but the inexperience I have. I decided that I want to enchant a necklace. I’ve had my eye on a one you can buy from amazon for a while now. One of the best things about the modern age is you can look up any magickal question and with proper phrasing and digging get an answer. The worst part is, is that you will always receive that answer no matter how pea brained inaccurate it is. I looked up how to enchant a necklace and no shit found a post on the internet from someone claiming if you believe really really hard and have the right intent it will become enchanted without any items or work involved. It doesn’t work that way. This is pure lies from someone living a wish fulfillment fantasy and calling it “magick”.
Regardless I have decided that I am going to enchant a necklace and wear it every day to see the effects. I’m more so going to go for a charm esc aspect here. I was inspired by a trusted source posting about all of his occult jewelry. I saw that he mentioned it was so niche someone could easily establish a monopoly on the market. As someone who unironically and non jokingly loves business and capitalism that intrigues me. But I digress. I often have ideas that I never act on. When I do they never get done.
I remember some time ago I had an unnamed spirit in my room. The entity at the time said he wanted to make me into a republican just for fun. I wasn’t pleased with this and asked him not too and that was the last we spoke of it despite me knowing he still plans to do this. Sometimes I get random spirits who just want to mess with me. It happens. I finally read up on Duke Aim. He’s really a spirit for creative people. In a lot of regards.
I’m know I’m not as seasoned as many of them. However I find it boring how everyone wants to work with the same 5 entities at any given time and those are all anyone talks about. While yes those entities deserve their spotflight and are doing a lot of work at the moment. There’s a whole book nobody’s talking about ya know. How many mainstream occultists mention Eligos? How many talk about Marbas? Oh they only focus on the kings? Fancy that. I’m not criticizing anybodies work the entire occult community tends to do this atleast in the circles I found myself in. It just urks me that I want to learn about all these other spirits and nobody is bringing them up for conversation regarding their work. At Least not in the mainstream left handed fields anyways.
That being said I’m still only working with Belzebub right now. But that fact and that knowledge gap still remains. Anyways I found myself trying to complete a task today. It was irritating. I sung as I was told to at the dog park but felt humiliated and embarrassed in the process. Still have that syrup for god knows what reason. Overall super irritated in a lot of ways. One of the ways I perform my magick in my home is through the guise of meditation. My mom thinks I’m seriously and hardcore-ly into meditation. That’s what the circle and incense and candles are for. I don’t know if she actually believes this or if she’s just letting me think she’s gullible but it hasn’t gotten to a degree where it has become an issue. I still have to bring up starting a garden to her. But more importantly I have to figure out what plants I would need and in regards to what rituals.
But back to my mother she was down in Savannah Georgia the other day. She said she saw some new age shops I would love. She also asked me if I wanted a “meditation bowl” whatever that is. I said yes with exclamation points and hoped she bought it. I also asked for jewelry and that was that. I’ve been getting several signs in all forms and capacities lately. Many relating to stand up comedy and modeling. Two former passions of mine I gave up. Comedy do to not being funny. Modeling do to being fat and ugly.
I submitted my story “Planetary Monopoly” for publication recently under my real name. Please note that the title might be changed shall this diary ever receive publication, self or otherwise I can’t let people know my identity. We’ve been over this. Regardless it’s a story about a girl who ends up playing a game to determine humanities fate with stereotypical portrayals of the christian god and the christian devil. It’s not very good but I worked hard on it so I’m trying to get it out there. Recently my poem “Ragnarok within Ascension” was published by Switching Alexandria. I didn’t expect it to only be in ebook format. A bit disappointed on that front. But back to the topic I sort of had a almost friendship with Odin at the time and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this is the first work I’ve ever released to get published at all, and it had to do with a mythology I was almost working with. It’s not a coincidence. It’s just not.
I might go back to the writing front for a bit. Either way I’m currently exhausted for whatever reason so good night.
Journal 14 “No One’s Here to Sleep ||| Naughty boy ft. Bastille”
One day I will fall to madness. If I choose not to scrap the journal by some miracle you will witness it and my recovery from it. Let me be very clear every time I have gone mad it has solely been do to magick. It is something some people are more prone to than others when working with what I work with and I am highly susceptible to it. Usually death is the trigger through my brain that causes me to go crazy. I want to be clear. I have been diagnosed as “skiso-effective” during these spurts. However as soon as whatever the magickal cause was removed from the scenario I always regained my sanity. I don’t hear voices or have delusions anymore.
That sort of wellness just doesn’t happen for people who are genuinely schizoaffective. They have those issues their entire life. I recovered in a matter of months from the severity of hearing voices and being incoherent. It was magickal in origin. Not to mention I never had issues within my sanity before working with magick. Only after failing to complete a ritual half way into it (with a warning your health would take a tole shall you not complete it) was I infected with madness at all.
So why do I bring this up at all? Well I was checking my divination and it seems in the distant future I will be afflicted again. So here I present to you the knowledge beforehand. Given you will most likely be privy to witness it in the future. If such a case arises I may very well scrap this journal entirely do to shame. People who are insane are tapping into something. Something I cannot explain to you. The madness is magickal in some regards. I was more spiritually inclined and aware of everything around me as a madman than I am as a sane one.
Now with this in mind you are so incoherent when privy to madness this knowledge is useless. I remember talking to Odin in person during an episode. He understood everything I was trying to say and connected the dots of my misaligned process though I was purely insane. He even, I think may have found value in some of it. He was in disguise so it took me a lot of time to recognize it was him I was talking to after the fact and had their not been others I may have thought I conjured the whole scenario do to my insanity but the fact that he understood it proves there’s something to this. At Least in my opinion.
People who are mad are in tune with something. What they are in tune with I do not know. But it is something. I don’t find value in this something and it is not an element I wish to explore further. I hardly remember most of it. I know from a few logs I was claiming I was every god and every entity to exist simultaneously. I was having delusions of grandeur. I was incoherent and saw spiritual meaning in everything I encountered from street signs to logos without much connection. I thought celebrities on the radio were singing about me specifically and talked to people through the internet that I probably shouldn’t have. So while some people may think I was right and had value in some of my actions I was mad. I was incoherent and a luantic. It was the cost of the ritual and later it was the parasites who took advantage of me.
If you see anyone infected with spiritual parasites a few things will happen to them. First they will talk about a “game” incoherently. Not always but its a method of attack for the parasites. They often convince their victim that they are apart of some grand scheme and it often takes the form of some non-existant “game”. They may go on about how they are on a reality tv show or everyone’s watching them. There is some truth to entities watching them but its the parasites who are watching and altering the victim’s perception of this, maxing it out the extreme. Then they will start hearing voices. At that point it is essential you get the person on medicine and then banish whatever is there and attached to them and as a saftey measure call upon divine and or demonic entities for protection.
Cleanse the person but by no means do any sort of exorcism. Exorcism can be useful in this regard and protect the person’s mind in a sense however it will damage them spiritually for a very long time afterwards, it will cut off all forms of spiritual awareness and whats around them and put them at risk when they become aware again. Not to mention it doesn’t actually get rid of the parasites it just closes of the person’s awareness of them. Do not do an exorcism. Do a cleansing, a banishing and call upon divine entities for help. But leave it there. This will heal your friends sanity but it will take an elaborate amount of time and effort to work effectively. You need to use both magick and real world medicine in combination shall you or your friend find yourselves in this position. Your friend doesn’t have to stay on the medicine forever. Just long enough for all traces of crazy to disappear and for sure. Your friend won’t be able to tell how crazy they are being thats apart of it. The parasites may also have your friend hurting or attacking themself during this. Parasites often pose as lovers to the human or “friends” to win their trust and feed accordingly. If your friend talks about this it might be a sign of worry.
Genuine spiritual friendships exist with entities and same with romance but it’s never first offered and is the result of a long time connection within spirit work. Don’t believe every spirit who comes to you with this approach and be very very careful. If your friend has been doing magick for a long time the parasites will return and return again until you can safely dispose of them through other stronger methods. Once they find a victim, they want to keep coming back to that victim. Other signs of parasites tend to be “shhh” ing a lot. Normal entities won’t do this to you. Malicious entities will do this at a moment’s notice. They “shh” you as a form of control and manipulation as well as amusement for some.
If your friend is working with entities that often silence them or they find their hand moving towards their mouth in a silencing motion it is a parasite of malicious in nature and you must get rid of it instantly. Better safe than sorry. If you’re friend finds themselves emotionally manipulated and constantly angry and going through mood swings as the result of the entities they are working with usually it’s parasites. Magick is a process that often takes a toll on your energy however if your tole is do to what’s happening in the relationship and the entity isn’t name brand you should worry. Be very skeptical of any spirit that offers you marriage especially if you can’t identify it.
There’s several classifications of parasites not limited to jellyfish and more but all I really know is from my own experience so maybe you seek out other sources if you worry that this might be a thing. So chances are if I go crazy it will be do to parasites. I know theres spirits in my home. I know I need to get rid of them. They keep returning or won’t go away. I’m working on it.
Lately in my non magickal life though probably do to magick I have stumbled once again upon reviewing and critique. I am very critical of the movies I watch. Or at least I used to be. As a child I admired the likes of Doug Walker, Lewis Lovehaug, Roger Ebert and Lindsay Ellis. No genuine critic should ever admire Doug Walker or his work but I was a child who didn’t know better. Making fun of a movie without having an understanding of how movies are made is a terrible trait for any respectable “reviewer”. So why do I bring this up? Well a long time ago I made a musical about zombies. I got voice actors online and we worked on it together. I became close friends with a lot of them. The main girl Rose I had a huge thing for.
However I decided to review a work she made that they had stared in. My autism kept me from noticing that this was not something I should do. (Autism is a disorder someone is born with that makes them socially inept and causes them to misunderstand many forms of social conversation and communication such as social cues) I used to do reviews alot. In my reviews I always tried to be honest and I tended to be overt and harsh. So when she asked me to review it and gave me her blessing I warned her of this. Per her encouragement I made it and everyone saw it. They then left me without any sort of warning causing my abandonment issues to sky rocket. At the time I just couldn’t understand what I did wrong. She said she was okay with it. She asked me to do it! I did what my friend asked me to do! I told her it would be negative and critical and she still asked me so I did it!
I thought then fold there must be no harsh feelings whatsoever. That’s not how people work. That’s not how conversations work and expectations either. Then when her and Dave stopped responding to my messages and acted as though I didn’t exist after words I couldn’t put two and two together. From my perspective it was out of nowhere. Why were they suddenly no longer talking to me? What did I do wrong? Obviously the review but I just didn’t process it that way because I do not understand conversational or social dynamics.
So after this I was so heartbroken I deleted my reviewer based youtube channel. You know youtube? The website where you post videos and can build an audience from these videos of other people all connected through the internet? I stopped showing people my reviews. I stopped broadcasting them to the world and kept quite in all matters relative to them. In many ways I gave it up. However fast forward a few years and I consider picking it back up. But I’m just so damaged by what happened with Rose I can’t bring myself to. Then things start going good for me.
Lately things have been going really good for me. Not just from an emotional perspective but in a general one. I’m doing great right now. Spiritually, Magickally, and my mood is wonderful! I’m on the internet right? I stumble across a post of a group looking for reviewers. I don’t follow anyone with an interest in this avenue that I can recall but I decide to take a chance and apply. They select me and now I’m set up to do reviews for this website. It’s not a paying avenue but it’s spectacular how that worked out.
I should probably mention here that I have a pact with Belial. It’s “to be known for my creative endeavors” I do everything from producing, to making videos for the public’s entertainment, to music, to poetry and writing. I’m also an actor. I have a lot of creative avenues that I express myself within. I remember a few days after the pact with him I was approached by a fellow on Kickstarter (a website where people donate money to fund other people’s cool ideas) named Mark to head his project for a manga series. It didn’t end up panning out. I was first and foremost a writer and while “The Last Ember” was a promising novel I honestly only did writing at the time and that’s not what he wanted me for. Plus it was clear while ambitious Mark hadn’t the faintest idea how to operate a business. I own a business so you could say I have an idea of how it works. It’s kind of frozen right now but that’s another story for another day.
But that wasn’t all I had several projects dropped in my lap shortly after the pact was signed with Belial. I should mention that Belial approached me not the other way around. He simply asked me what I wanted and I explained to him, then a promise was made and the pact signed. I remember having a conversation with him much time after and he was asking me about my creative pursuits and I expressed to him that since I dabbled in anything the avenue at which I became known did not particularly matter so long as it was a creative one. I could become known for my acting, my music, my writing, my games (oh I make games by the way), or anything. It doesn’t matter as long as I am seen as a creative individual for it.
I remember him telling me recently not to dispatch my company as I had been planning. He also told me to hurry up and finish my lgbt themed manga I had been working on. It’s an American story about several kids within a gay straight alliance club at their high school. It hasn’t really been done before. I just need to finish the script. I’m thinking I could pitch it to a company as not originally planned lately. I should make note that this story has never been done before. Gay Straight Alliance Clubs are a very american thing. While the manga has a japanese protagonist and will be translated and aimed at a Japanese audience as well. These clubs do not exist in Japan so I can safely say this hasn’t been done before.
A lot of my ideas haven’t been done before. My teenagers with superpowers story hadn’t been done before. My gem story hadn’t been done before. My coffee shop story hadn’t been done before. My space pirate lesbian story hadn’t been done before. I’m a very creative person and I take pride in my creativity beyond all else. As long as I can make things I will be happy. While a proud capitalist I’m never concerned about profit. I’ve never been. Hell I made a whole fuking audio drama for the public domain! Whether or not I make money doesn’t matter to me. What matters is that people enjoy what I create and get their hands on it. I give out many copies of my stuff for free for that very reason.
So now I have a reviewing avenue that not only will probably help get my stuff out there in the future, but will help me network. That’s so insane. I don’t know if it’s Belial or something else like synchristioes but I am so stoked! Even if my unpaid reviews don’t amount to anything I can add it to the ever growing profile of accomplishments belonging to “Acrians Locket” or my real name that I go by publically. Even if I picked a silly last name I plan on changing my name legally to it in the future because it is as apart of my identity as anything else about me.
So yes not super magickal today! However I felt the need to talk about my excitement with this new endeavour. Who knows it may lead to something in the future. Cheers!!!
- Acrians Locket
Journal 15: Dreams and the Crossroads
So I had a very strange dream. I was at my nephew’s house. First and foremost I was related to all of the people in my dream. They all had dark (hispanic or native?) skin. Which is weird because I am White. I should mention right now that race in America is about how dark your skin is and what category you look like rather than social status, heritage, class or anything else. The West is weird. But back to the dream. My sister’s boyfriend has the same skintone so perhaps in this dream my sister actually married the boyfriend I don’t know. So my nephew (on the boyfriends side) is running around. I should mention that in real life I do not have a nephew. I remember talking to everyone in the dream about my music and none of them paying attention to it. They didn’t care because it wasn’t in a genre they liked. We were all at some sort of family gathering.
My real mom is there and she grabs me and tells me it’s time to do a ritual. I’m like okay! A woman arrives. She’s come to take all the men of the household. She looks me up and down and goes “are you physically male like your sex is it?-” and my mom (who is my actual mom in the dream) walks over smiling and persuasive tells her that yes I can go. She then lines me up against two woman on the boyfriends side. But I need to emphasize in this dream that was never stated (that’s just my presumption when I woke up since I’m not related to anyone who looks like these people) and these women were just my family in the dream.
I remember a girl with a ponytail making a disgusted comment about the fact that she asked that. I mention in a faint voice something among the lines of “no I liked it. Usually when people ask it’s more rude” and they gave me a look and I was like. “Did I say that outloud?” and they were like “yes” and I was like “well I meant to think that”. Then she takes the Nephew and brings him into a ritual. She starts singing a song about all the nephews desires. She looked over at me and suddenly I was topless. I was wearing some sort of jacket and tried to desperately cover up. She sings a verse about that and my gender. I should mention earlier in the dream the nephew was whining or bragging about how he wanted to be a famous sports car driver and rich and stuff. Which again aligns quite well my sisters boyfriend and his side of the family.
She sings about everything he desires asking this is what he wants? He gets so caught up in the moment that she just starts throwing random stuff into the mix such as an “ice maker” and him blindly agreeing. She sings a verse about how if he agrees than to shake her “hairy palm” her words not mine it will happen. For whatever reason I became suspicious upon hearing this verse. Then she stops singing. She says “You will get everything you desire, but at the end of this ritual I will die” and she asks if he agrees and he says “yes” smiling excited. Her life was supposedly the sacrifice in the dream? The deal was struck. She is suddenly no longer in the dream. I remember being cautious and wary about this. I remember the girls mentioning to my nephew he didn’t think through the bargain. I remember I was just wondering how and how quickly it would manifest. And then I woke up.
Todays entry I’m going to keep short. I’ve been contemplating the crossroads ritual lately. It’s a ritual you do to achieve a skill. It has routes in some hoodoo and voodoo communities however nobody to my knowledge really knows where it came from. Some people think it’s actually irish in origin. I probably sound like an idiot to people who know about it at the moment. Anyways as stated multiple times I’m a musician. I’m really bad at guitar however. So I want this skill. I’m willing to sacrifice the time and the effort to do the crossroads ritual. The ritual per the version I’m performing it requires 9 nights. I’m going to make up an elaborate lie to my mother about doing stop motion of moon phases at a specific location for the music video. I might have to bring my camera to sell the lie but I would leave the battery behind as to not risk taping the spirit. Some things are just disrespectful and if you are going to meet a spirit in the flesh even though its rather trite on principle I never try to collect evidence. My X-friend M##@%# who was rather good at lying (probably do to having antisocial personality disorder and telling me he was a straight up sociopath his words not mine) told me if you want to make a lie believable keep it simple and as close to the truth as possible but sometimes things can just not be done.
I need an elaborate lie to go to a crossroads or an area by the crossroads for 9 consecutive nights and saying “oh its for a project” just isn’t’ enough. I recently woke up to the news that I was selected for a singing competition I had applied for a while ago. I assumed since I hadn’t heard back from them that I wasn’t considered however it appears I was. A spirit recently told me my music and my channel were about to receive a lot of attention. I didn’t believe this spirit because I had been told these things in the past by others to no avail about other avenues but now I see the seeds as they are sewn.
I saw something regarding Beelzebub’s sigil lately. It was fascinating. I was driving with my mom and we passed a sign holding multiple store avenues. It read “Bub’s barbecue, Acting Studio, Steves world” which all correlates to Beelzebub. Like I said I am an actor and while I have an impressive resume I have no agent to speak of. On the topic a few acting gigs have been thrown my way lately. Not all of them doable but peak my interests in where I want to go with that career. The name Steve while being the name of my uncle is also a code name for Beelzebub. Some of my spirits and I have special words or actions that we bring up so that I know it is them and not an imposter, we also have these for communication purposes. Whenever Belzebub needs to send me a sign it’s easier to have the name Steve as simple and common as it is on hand because it’s easy to run into and to know that he was the one who sent me the sign, but it’s still not common enough that it’s everywhere. It’s just a communications tool.
I mentioned it to my mom and she said she thought that it was a sign. I think the more I do magick and the more spiritual I become the more my mom does as a weird side effect? She’s often affected by my magick but that might just be because we share a home. I’ve been getting alot of signs relating to “changing” lately which is something I’m pumped for. I went crazy the other night upon running into the supernatural. I was sitting at dinner fairly “manic” as we’ll say and a black thin man in a pink shirt and a beret came up to me. He complimented my shoes. Then he walked away. I remember thinking about wanting to run into the japanese goddess from before (ie, other entries) and talking myself out of it and then the man came back. He complimented my sitting telling me that even in the army he couldn’t do that. I sit really weird and am super flexible do to a history with gymnastics but that’s another story for another day. I asked his name and he said “Thomas” and then left. I wasn’t in the proper mindset but something was weird about him. He wasn’t off putting or anything but he had a strange energy about him. My first thought was “this guy isn’t human” but given I was manic I can’t verify that. I don’t know it was probably just a strange encounter.
Oh also I keep seeing five pointed stars everywhere! On my way to the restaurant where I met this man seeing as I was waiting for my family I saw the name “tote” on a truck. So that’s that. I’ve been getting many signs from the egyption gods as of late. I want to work with them. But not until I am done working with primarily Belzebub. Anyways I think I’m meant to join the army. I keep seeing references to it everywhere. I know my future somehow correlates with it, and while I wanted to join it at one point. There is current major legislative push by our president to keep people like me (transgender people) from serving in the army. I think that’s rather stupid and because regardless of his words he clearly hates trans people but that’s getting into politics. Point is pretty soon the way things are going it looks like it will be illegal for transgender people to serve in the military plus I’m fat so I have no idea how this will occur if it does.
Anyways I’m in a rush so I’ll leave you with a log I did last night about the crossroads ritual.
Tarot spread notes about the scenario:
“Regarding me my spread says to take it slow and think carefully about my action and not rush into as I was planning to do. I’m impulsive what can I say? Regarding the near future my deck said that I will be rather creative but not to be cold hearted towards others or compare myself to them. It will only hurt in the end. PS. I think the black man is observing me as I write this. I don’t mind. But it is interesting nevertheless. I’m having thoughts I can’t control again. I might need to explain that shall I encounter him should the ritual commence. Also message man by twenty one pilots came on the radio as I am writing this. My deck told me to do self reflection and possibly said that my secret life of a magician and my public life of a musician will reconcile and become one and or contrast together to form balance? Idk. My deck once again told me not to rush anything.
If I do I’ll delay my final goals or worse not be able to perform the ritual at all. I need to think my goals through. Or in this case my lies. It said I will be moody as hell in the future and wallow in self pity which is not news because I’m like that now. Being that way in the future offers me no surprises. My deck is telling me in the long term to collaborate with other people. That is something that is planned so it makes sense my deck would mention it. My deck has a positive outlook on it that is rather good. The long term my tarot card tells me that I shouldn’t be paranoid about people stealing my success. I shouldn’t worry about losing everything that I worked for.
That not everyone wants what I’ll have and that those fears are unfounded. Keep that in mind future ####. The future my tarot is telling me to let shit go. Get past my grieving over whatever it may be and possibly even let go of my music career idk. True colors played while I was working on this. The second card confirms this. It’s asking me in the long term to say “what would I let go of in order to be happy? And have the future I want” I might be wrong but to me both of these cards represent me giving up on my music career. It saddens me. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
I did a further spread. Just drew random cards reflecting on myself. One of them told me to reflect on my relationships and open myself up to a new friend which is something I’ve struggled with. I was online and made a friend named Sam. If you know me personally her name may strike you as ironic. Regardless I distanced myself from her because she was a little weird. But eventually I gave her a chance upon seeing a photo of her. She was chubby and she was cute. It sounds shallow and it rather is but upon being able to put a face and appearance to her, her personality struck me as a lot less obnoxious and fake as it had before. I had already decided to give her a chance last night and I’m taking the card I drew as a sign to pursue that relationship. “
Alright see ya!
Journal 16: “On the Borderline ||| Thomas Sanders”
Magick is not something you can prove. This is a concept that keeps occuring within the shapeshifting information I’m trying to gather. People think it’s not “scientifically possible” never minding the first fact that they are approaching magick with a scientific mindset rather than a spiritual or step oriented one. Magick can do literally anything. I mean it. It can change the real world and this reality physically and if you think it can’t your either not skilled or not experienced. But back to “proving shapeshifting”
If someone turns into a fox in the real world why then can’t you see it? You cannot see it because it didn’t take place on your plain of reality. In your plain of reality this didn’t occur. Or let’s say you did see it thus if you try to capture it with some sort of camera or tape recorder then you won’t find anything. Or you’ll find a different version and while that reality is intertwined with the one you find yourself in where the man did turn into a fox before your eyes it doesn’t’ always look that way on camera. There is no evidence for magick. It’s real and it provides results and if you don’t believe that then do some, it’s real but I don’t consider it something that can be proven. I don’t consider it something that you should be trying to prove either but that’s getting into morality. Don’t try to prove anything and you will receive the results you desire.
Now I am not trying to astrally change myself or turn into a real world animal of flesh and fur but rather make dramatic changes to my looks over a long period of time with the extended aid of testosterone. You can’t and I mean can’t change your face without some sort of aid. Whether it be exercise makeup or whatever. You have to put in effort. I am in general eating better, exercising, and going on medicine that naturally alters my face anyways. Some people may find the magick by its nature then redundant. It’s not. You have to work for whatever your magickal goals are. The magick will arrange it, guarantee it, or boost it. But if there are no seeds in your garden don’t expect flowers to grow.
I have decided to conjure a ritual for my shapeshifting endeavours. I have a picture that I plan to incorporate. It’s a painting. It is a very bad idea to use a photo of a real person but that is another conversation for another day. It’s a genderbent (male version of a female character in this scenario) of Ariel the Little Mermaid. He has the build I want, an adorable face that could be considered “hot” in some cases and the hair color and length I desire. He is my end goal. When you shapeshift you are still you in what you change. You’ll still look like you even if that version of “you” is completely altered. However it is a goal I have in mind. If this book ever proceeds publication I apologize for not including the image. However as my diary stands for me it is clipped on this page.
I accidentally visited that forum again. I say accidently because I was desperately looking for results on shapeshifting and thought “one thread won’t hurt” I was then introduced to the work of MORPHOSEPHRAM: THE HANDBOOK OF SHADOW. I was warned that this book comes with a curse. Everytime I have read books with curses attached regardless of whether or not I recognized or believed in the curse at the time it’s ended up working and rather effectively on me the poor reader. So be careful about such things. I don’t know if such a curse will prevent me from telling you journal my results seeing as I desperately want to discuss them. However if for any given reason I am quite on my end transformation beyond a simple “it works” that is why. That being said this book is 40$ or 35.44 euros. That’s not an unusual price point for much occult knowledge. However I have no income and am saving as much money as I can for Beelzebub’s tattoo next month. I found a similar book by the same author titled M.Y.T.H.O.S that is half the price and covers similar material. This being the case I have decided to purchase this second one instead and the former one at a later date when I am more steady financially. I will let you know my results…hopefully.
On the topic of curses if I really was this manipulative I would paint a curse in this book so that anyone who tried to reveal (REVEAL not DISCOVER) my true identity and expose me would be struck down and horribly so accordingly. However I am not that kind of person. I don’t believe in hurting others. If you do something that hurts someone but its an accident or needed for whatever your trying to achieve that’s fine and normal and I don’t think anyone should be tried for that.
I just don’t like hurting others. I care so much about what people think of me. I care so much about people! Like a lot. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone no matter how terrible that person is. Not even the fuking president. I just don’t like hurting people. I never have understood how people could laugh at someone in pain. Or seek revenge. It’s just not something I would do. But like that’s how people are????? Which surprises me in so many regards Journal I will tell you. I feel like if I was writing these entries in Japanese I would be calling you “journal chan” because of my fondness for you and my personification of you as an entity but that is another story for another day. I was just thinking about how I address you as though you are some sort of person rather than a book.
Anyways I realized that Belzebub pushed back the singing competition. I finally got around to reading the email beyond skimming (you know the one that confirmed me for that singing competition I mentioned earlier?) I was on the internet and saw a post that said “I made you wait” and I could tell it was from him in correlation to this event. Given he’s responsible for my career I’m sure there’s a reason for this. I’ll ask him next Wednesday.
I fed my mother a lie about having to go to an area every night for “a week” in order to film a music video at the same time and she didn’t question it at all. She was fine with it and shrugged it off. I hope she’ll keep this attitude. She called the doctor to schedule my testosterone appointment. All I know from my spirits is that when I go on it my voice will become “deep” when I go on it. I should’ve expected this given I’m an alto but some guys who go on Testosterone end up with higher pitched (still masculine but) almost childlike or teenager voices. I’m glad we’re finally getting somewhere with it. I’m glad I’ll sound like a man. My voice is the only reason I’m going on it at all.
Oh! I keep forgetting to mention this. It occured to me that Belzebub was sending me the messages and God imagery from before to correlate myself with God. This isn’t a new concept to me. When you do solomonic magick you are the highest power in the operation. You are the Goat. You are God. I already knew this but I guess it’s cool spirits keep mentioning it to me over and over again.
One last thing before I go today. I keep seeing butterflies over and over again. I am told that I’m going to change or that I’m headed to change in some manner soon. I was also warned that ‘change is never easy and it doesn’t happen lightly” to paraphrase. I remember typing an original quote “Change does not come without Challenge” which is original to me. I’m quite proud of that one. I know this means I’m headed towards something possibly dire or something challenging but even if I’m not ready I’ll go.
Anyways that’s all for now!
- Acrians Locket
Journal 17: “Devil’s Train ||| The Lab Rats”
I woke up from a nap. In the nap I felt a presence tell me “he was going to visit me” I couldn’t make out any sort of facial features or even what he looked like but he was wearing a black suit with orange finish. I knew this was the black man. Lately my dreams have centered around this figure. Whenever I’m in a half asleep state I feel like he’s observing me. He has a very nice energy. I’m used to working with demons. Demons have a sort of vibe about them. Their own type of energy. But voodoo and hoodoo spirits have a completely different version of this. So do most gods. Different spirits feel different. Which should go without saying however I feel the need to mention.
I haven’t felt something like him in a while. That being said initially I went no don’t and then became slightly more awake and went “oh shit it’s the black man yeah that’s totally fine” and went back to sleep. Spirits can visit you in the real world. Anyone who has the conception that “the gods and other entities can’t visit us it’s purely spiritual and metaphysical” has simply never experienced it. I used to be under that assumption until I met my first god. I know some right handed magicians may scauff at the idea of a left handed magician meeting their god without any prior knowledge when they have never had an encounter as a worshiper for decades. But that’s just how things are sometimes. I did an elaborate ritual from the grand grimoire. While I never completed it, most people who go through that specific ritual end up having these encounters. Gods start noticing the people from this ritual (though this also happens in dedicated magick) and even visiting them. Every person I’ve been able to crosscheck has had similar encounters to me after this ritual. I don’t have an explanation for you beyond that.
I’m often wrong about a lot of things. I remember once I was an idiot and told a god in a dream that I believed all religions were equally true (i was a noob and misguided give me a break) and that therefore all gods existed because everyone believes in them and he got a bit frustrated and snapped at me saying “that’s not how it works” and then it was awkward and I woke up. I’ve seen him one or two times but I’ve never been able to place who he is. He never gave me a name. For all I know he’s just a holy deity. They feel the same as gods and beyond saying “you’ll never be able to recognize me” after I had lunch with him upon trying to strike a friendship I have no idea who he is.
But again the reason I know this is at the time I had encountered enough divinity in the flesh to be able to notice when someone wasn’t human. I once encountered an Irish fellow or spirit who I had known about through minimal research. He was the opposite of this really holy dude. He kept making sex jokes and being very vulgar at the bar. I have anxiety so I freaked out a bit and reading my mind he reassured me that “I’m not a god” which I replied “never said you were” smiling. He knew I was panicked and felt the need to reassure me. Later I discovered who he was. I think I found out about him through Neil Gaiman’s American Gods t.v show or something but I’ve only seen a few episodes so I can’t place him. If you have a good grasp on Irish shit than you might be able to. I only know that he’s the dark counterpart of a super holy guy and trust me he did not my expectation.
He was right though. He wasn’t a god. But he was a divine entity. Feels the same to me at least when in person. So yes they can visit but not everything can. Demons are working very hard at the moment to achieve the ability to do this at least several of the big guys are working together to. Demons can’t do this. Not everything can manifest. Not everything can appear in it’s own custom made fleshy meat suit. But some can. Gods can. Odin can. Papa Legba can. And The Black Man can. So since he is the spirit of this ritual I remember going to sleep wondering if he would be able to manifest and he told me that he would “meet me” which is often the term entities use with me specifically when they are going to appear to me in the flesh.
I have a literal list of names of gods who I’ve encountered who I could give you. But I’m not going to. This is my private journal so I feel no need to avoid name dropping here but upon the off chance as entities have told me that people do stumble upon this you can never be to careful. There is a reason I have not told you my real name. I could easily go “Hi I’m so and so famous “skeptic” youtuber, occultist actor, director, and musician” and you would instantly have bells ringing in your head going “oh shit! I didn’t fuking know HE DID MAGICK” which given my future reputation as someone hated and someone crazy (divination is wonderful is it not?) you would easily piece together the puzzle pieces. Again it’s not very hard to discover who I am. All you would have to do is take notes. BUT I expect morally as a service to me giving you this secret knowledge and showing you my occult explorations that you have the decency not to expose me like that. Unless of course it is exactly 3 years after my death. In which case go buck wild.
Anyways I found a place near me that I could even walk to within a parking lot that features a crossroads. I want to be clear here. “Crossroads” refers to a “+” shape not a “v” shape. I’ve met a lot of americans and inexperienced magicians who expect a “road diverged in a yellow wood” sort of deal and the crossroads themselves will resemble more of a four way intersection than two roads diverging.
I remember recently I was looking over the music I wrote with Belzebub as well as some general divination I’ve done that mentions him. I like him alot. I think he likes me to. I would say we have a good relationship. I know from this divination I will perform concerts. Which means my music career will take off. However one of the lyrics we wrote together (as always I paraphrase these as to not reveal myself) equated to “people will see our faces and they will dislike you do to this” I had always taken this to mean “oh people will notice we’re working together” but upon further inspection and through these other methods it appears and I could be totally wrong but….it appears that at a concert people will physically see his face. I don’t know what to think of that. I find he’s more literal than I realize. I’m the same way but it’s interesting.
For example he told me that, again in a song (a lot of my songs are direct messages from him to the world. If the song isn’t about heartbreak which I specialize in, usually if it’s magickally inclined it’s him using my voice to say something) he said “people will worship you like you are the sweetest desert” and I was like “oh so people will admire me, cool” and then upon further inspection somehow this seems very literal. Which blows my mind and I have no idea what to make of it. I’ve even seen “cults” and “false idols” mentioned upon these same methods. It astounds me. But again I don’t know what to make of it. I know the method as silly as it is that I’m using is accurate because it predicted my faking atheism fairly accurately. It also predicted that I would go into stand up comedy and I did not even consider this (despite using this reading years ago) until recently do to synchronization. I still don’t know if I’m going into stand up comedy. I have a vulgar and obscure sense of humor. I have a whole bit about why nazi’s are bad and that’s honestly gona piss some people off. It will piss off Jews and other people off because despite having family that’s died in the holocaust I’m joking about Nazis, and it will piss the other side off because again I’m joking about nazis. (America is flawed and heavily politically divided because it has a two party system and I would be pissing off both parties by doing this)
If you are trying to do satire and nobody is mad at you, you’re doing it wrong. I know I’m funny. I once wrote a now public domain homo-romantic story about an angel who fell in love with a demon and it opens as a comedy. It got a lot of good feedback at the time. Even if it was on an ameatur publishing website. I’m a huge fan of the public domain. I love it. It’s a concept unique to America and very few others. Essentially it says you can’t copyright a work after a certain amount of time after the author’s death. When working properly eventually anybody will be able to use that story and it’s ideas if the author dies. Normally that’s how it works but capitalism as much as I love it doesn’t work properly in America. Capitalism is good! But- if not regulated it becomes a monstrosity that tortures people and causes crises.
In America this is how it operates right now and why so many people are communists in the political climate too. Capitalism isn’t bad if done right and with proper restraints on corporations and proper exceptions made for people (don’t fuking sell nececities dumbass and take care of your people). But right now, in America those restraints are easily bent which is a huge fuking issue. As someone who supports Capitalism I will tell you I understand that and it needs to be fixed or altered as it stands right now. And while I like some socialist ideas I still would never support the communist route.
Public Domain isn’t working as intended. Thanks to corporations like Disney and such it’s broken. It’s extended beyond necessary and not effective. If I died right now with this journal published it wouldn’t be able to be used by anyone outside of the U.S defense of fair use (fair use is never automatically granted, it is a defense in court, you cannot claim something is fair use right out the gate) for 80 years and that’s just not how the public domain was ever meant to work for obvious reasons. Greedy people wanted the law changed and given how America operates they got the law changed.
So I often put a lot of my work in the public domain. Once I’m done with that story I’m done with that story. Unless there’s some sort of major movie deal (which has yet to happen) I generally don’t try to extend that. A lot of my old writings are in the public domain right now. I’m currently creating an audio drama meant with intent to go into the public domain as soon as it’s released right now. That was a huge tangent that’s not even relative to what we’re discussing but I felt the need to mention it.
I kind of forgot what I was saying. Something about being worshiped and having a bad reputation in the future. Oh yeah um I will say I’m not divulging the method while super accurate for how I got these readings because it’s rather silly and I don’t want to make myself more of a mockery than I have currently presented. Also that if this journal reaches publication I might put it in the public domain after some time. I don’t know. Also I know that I want it translated into the following languages somehow.
“Hindi, Korean, Afrikaans, Arabic, Latin, Hebrew, Chinese, Japanese, French, Swedish, and Dutch” I will log each day of The Cross Roads Ritual. Anyways. That’s all for now!
- Acrians Locket
Journal 18 “You can’t change the world, but you can change how people see it.” – Hi I’m Case
Let me start off this entry by saying I am sick. I seemed to have come down with a cold and a sore throat. Per this I am pushing back the ritual until I am better. There is a theme in goetic or rather solomonic magick of purifying your body before many operations. It’s the same reason why some ancient grimoires forbid the practitioner to sleep in a bed with a menstruating woman. The blood itself is impure and taints you before the operation. The ritual of the crossroads is not solomonic magick. However I, as the operator want my body to be in a good state before I perform it since it is rather time consuming and a risk I am not willing to take. My mother felt my head upon my waking up and said I was warm.
I had a strange dream involving the Black Man that I wrote upon waking up. The notes are slightly incoherent however I’ll allow them to remain unaltered. Here they are:
“I saw into his mind. The black man’s per our dream. I saw his face he was african american. He was very mathematical. He started going on about spirituality and I don’t remember what he said but I heard humming but it was intertwined with math. He then started going on about who he is and what he did and my mind retreated losing focus. My dream shifted. I think do to the the math aspect. My mind often retreats from spiritual information if it’s a combination of what i cannot understand and a topic matter that surprises me. He was calculating in his elements. There was orange energy around him. Then again like I said my dream took focus. It was a chase scene in some sort of hospital. I was desperately trying to get to the preferred location. My mom told me the area I picked for the crossroads ritual was wrong and tried to encourage me into going somewhere else. I told her it was fine. And then I was in a cop drama show. Or rather a parody of a cop drama show with the actor Nathan Fillion. I was him but watching from 3rd person’s perspective. I via show, finally made it to the ritual. Falling back asleep now. Something told me to do it for 7 days not 9. And to bring my guitar case. Goodnight
I told him about if he wanted to tell me who he was as I was falling back asleep he could give me a name as I’m waking up or right before that. I Then saw a storm outside my window. Which connecting the dots it made me think the storm from before was also him and not beelzebub. Who is associated with storms.
One more thing. I heard my song that I’ve been working on in my head in the dream. In real life it’s just a ukulele but in the dream It was fully composed. Had a lot of bells and whistles that I don’t know how to implement or would even think to. Anyways.
Wait until body pyre. Sleep ““
So those were my logs. Upon further inspection and in a clearer mindset it seems to me that The Black Man was telling me within my dream to pick a different crossroads then the one I was planning to attend which was near an storefront and intersection. This may become an issue because I have to drive to wherever it is, and my mother is not in a position to take me or rather refuses to even if she believes my lie, and I cannot afford a taxi service such as Lyft to get there. I was planning to walk to the location. It doesn’t matter though I will figure it out. I found it interesting something was pushing me to take my guitar case as a safety measure. Given the weather lately in a lot of ways it makes sense.
My guitar case is by no means the object per the ritual. The object is my guitar itself whom I have affectionately named “Annabelle”. However given the weather lately it makes sense. I found it interesting he was telling me 7 days rather than 9 as I had read. However if that’s what he wants that’s what I’ll do. Yesterday night some time after I had gotten done writing in you, I went with my family to pick up my sister’s boyfriend from his work. He works a low end job making sandwiches for minimal payment. He however got $70 in tips. Which is strange. People don’t usually tip that much in America. Especially at a job like that. Also I’ve been receiving money lately though far less (literally 3$ at best) from my online store as well. It’s all very strange. An entity has arranged this I am sure.
That being said while I was in the car and we were pulling up to the restaurant a black cat appeared on the road crossing our path. Then it rained. This was The Black Man I’m sure of it. It’s said during the ritual you will see several black animals. On the topic of the ritual one thing bothers me in what I have read. Many people contemplate the Black Man with the devil even though the sources I read say they can’t confirm this. I can 100% assure you as someone working with demons regularly that this is not true. He is a powerful and wise entity. He has a brain that is like formulas and the cosmos itself. However his energy is not remotely of a demons. I’ve felt the energies of entities you might call “Satan” or associate with his image highly. The Black Man is in an entirely different pool.
I doubt a christian guitarist is reading but if you are that should reassure you in some manner of regard. He has more of a vibe that I associate with voodoo when I have experienced it, if I’m being honest. Different spirits of different paths and pantheons all share a common energy bite if I’m to phrase it properly. Also Voodoo isn’t inherently of the devil either like many americans somehow seem to believe. Voodoo is just a religion. It has an interesting history within America at that. So no he’s not the devil, by completing this ritual you aren’t “selling your soul” in any manner. That’s not how this works. Never Minding that demons in general do not care about your “soul” in the first place.
I appreciate him visiting me in my dreams. Alot of entities have done this. It’s not something I expect of them in any manner. Nor do I take issue with it. But I appreciate him showing the effort and time in many regards. He doesn’t have to show himself like that to me but he takes the time anyways. I appreciate it. A Lot of people who I have seen go through this ritual don’t talk about it at length, or if they do they don’t really explain who he is or what he’s like to them. I would also like to mention most people who I’ve encountered performing this ritual on first hand accounts don’t usually have a magickal background of any kind (usually white americans but that’s just my experience with the white people I know). So in many ways you could argue that gives me a sort of advantage (over other white people explicitly).
Anyways regarding my personal life something has occured to me. This something is that I generally let people think I’m more of a dumbass then I actually am? Like even in how I present myself in these writings I have a tendency to do that? I let people think I’m far more naive than I am in actuality. While it is true that I am naive I am not as naive as I come across. I am not as unprepared or stupid that I come across. People just tend to think that I’m an idiot in my everyday encounters and in alot of ways I think it’s do to my presenting myself as small and casually.
Truly if it suited my fancy I could present my dictation and presentation in such a manner of regard that I would come across rather acquainted with knowledge or that of a master of the sport that is magick and my other interests. But I don’t do that. I can easily do that. But I don’t bother. Yes I have a very impressive vocabulary but as showcased within this journal I heavily tone it down for anyone who I’m speaking to and writing to because otherwise it would alienate them. As you can clearly see my vocabulary is rather simple in many of my writings. I intentionally put a cap on it’s scope for you the reader’s benefit. I do this in real life and on account of my also carrying a rather casual demenur and using vulgarity it results in a fiery combination that many people easily equate to “dumbass”. Which in America is an insult that says you’re an idiot who doesn’t know anything. You’re naively stupid per this impression.
While I do lack self esteem in many respects and aspects I know I am not stupid. I can call myself an idiot. Hell I can think that I’m an idiot (which I do). But I’ll be damned if someone else agrees with me. I do care a great deal about other people’s impressions of me. That’s where I place the value of my self worth. The fact that my mother constantly cuts me down saying these things is irritating and upsetting. It’s been happening my whole life. In many ways my lack of self esteem isn’t the result of the trauma that I have endured but the direct results of gaslighting by my mother. She is manipulative. She is abusive emotionally. She is toxic as all fuking hell and I hate her for this.
So no, I am not a dumbass I just fuking look like one ok? Yeah ok. Now I’m kinda angry at the notion. I remember I was once watching a video by an acclaimed occultist. He said what most often drew people to the occult and the left handed path specifically was a loss of power. That at some point people felt out of control of their lives and that’s why they came to this path. I wouldn’t argue that. I do however thing there is a heavy correlation to trauma for most. Thus I can see how someone would take that and feel like it’s loss.
I remember my sister’s boyfriend’s nephew Victor. I have this talent for looking at people and being able to tell instantly if they would excel at magick. I can also look at them if they have faced hardship or trauma. I looked at Victor and instantly thought “he would excel on this path” that doesn’t mean that Victor is going to become an occultist. That doesn’t mean that he will ever venture into magick at all. He’s an atheist though he holds a few mexican specific superstitions. He also fits the bill of having gone through trauma and in many ways also, loss. This to me in many regards paints him the perfect candidate. However I cannot with a clear conscious bring him on this path.
My family and my sister’s boyfriend all have a tendency to see me as rather deranged. I am in many respects. But it still hurts. If I, for whatever reason told him about what I did or tried to get him into it not only would I receive backlash from their family but I would also most likely be cut off from the lad hence my not doing so. He’s even at the perfect age to! He’s 16!!! 16!!! That’s the age most people start experimenting with the occult! Ahhh! I hate that I can’t show him so much. He would be perfect and I as Acrians Locket could be a great mentor.
It’s really rather a shame. In most regards. Not to mention that my sisters boyfriend was cursed some time ago. Someone sent something after him. Ever since he has an well earned fear of the demonic and the occult. I don’t really blame him. Having one truly bad experience can alter your ability to do magick in that regard forever. Also it pains me because most of the people who I sense have a talent for the craft rarely pursue it. It’s never my job to push them. I could if I wanted to. I have in the past and those people became great magicians. However, it’s not something I like to do. It’s fairly manipulative of me to push someone in to magick no matter how much I think it would improve their lives. It’s not my job to convert you. It’s not my job to make you believe in anything at all. I could and have done this in the past. But it’s just not my job to better your life in how I PERSONALLY think it needs to be changed. That’s just such an asshole move you know?
Anyways that’s all for now, see ya!
- Acrians Locket
11: 56 Am
Journal 19 “Keep Holding On ||| Falling in Reverse”
I want to start this entry off on a positive note. First my music career. I keep getting signs that it’s going to take off fairly soon. I remember tweeting something among the lines of “if I ever go viral overnight hit me with a bag of donuts” on the internet and donut imagery has been following me since. I got a sign while in the car for Belzebub to call him. I also keep being reassured by my spirits that I my dreams are going to come true. One thing I have noticed is that whenever i am dancing (I become empashend upon hearing good music in general) it’s far more extreme then before. My body will take on crazy movements. Then I feel like a spirit of some sort also guides my body. I just thought I’d mention it.
Something I noticed leading up into the ritual is fear. A lot of it. I had a burst of paranoia at dinner about gods visiting me which was a fear I used to have when I was fairly psychotic that I haven’t had in ages. I remember driving and suddenly being afraid of having to perform the ritual in the dark late at night seemingly out of the blue. I quickly talked myself out of it reminding myself I don’t fear death and if something happens to me then something happens to me. If I get murdered then I get murdered. While I don’t handle the death of other people very well, I am very apathetic towards my own demise.
As of the writing here I am human. Humans die. We do not live forever. Therefor why should I dread dying young or dying at all? If I get killed do to the ritual I get killed do to the ritual. That’s that. You have to keep in mind I am a trauma survivor. My feelings towards death are affected drastically by this. I don’t have the normal perspective on it. While death of people close to me meses with my head I could care less if I am hurt, tortured, or injured and end up dying as a result.
It’s not something I fear. Then I was falling asleep and I felt the Black Man in my room. I sort of saw him in a way? I didn’t physically see him. But in my head I saw where he’d be in the room. Him as he appeared in my dream in his black suit. I felt like he was watching me in my half asleep state. Then major fears started popping into my head. Fears about the ritual and going out to do it. I quickly talked myself out of it. In a lot of ways I felt the fear not my own and then was able to detach myself accordingly.
I reminded myself back when I was insane I did this sort of thing all the time and in far more dangerous and dire situations. I reminded myself that I often did risky things late at night and if I felt worry I could laugh about it or talk to myself. Then out loud I begun talking to myself and the fear faded. I should mention something I haven’t previously. The Black Man tests you per this ritual. It is apart of it that he tries his best to scare the shit out of you. In a lot of ways he’s trying to scare you out of it and if you cave you don’t get the skill. Do not run away.
Once upon a time I was going to go about this ritual with M##@%# (Who I recently wrote a song about, more on that later). I warned him that if we were to do this ritual together (which is not how it is intended to be done or traditionally done) because of my magickally induced psychosis at the time that The Black Man would probably use me to scare him. Eventually this along with other complications talked M##@%# out of it. The later our friendship ended so we never went through with it.
Flash forward to several weeks ago, and I remember this very instance and decide as the friendless loser I am to approach the ritual by myself and alone which in most honestly is probably for the better. I have also decided to do it tomorrow. I was going to wait until Monday. However not only have I felt a push to get it done as soon as possible while also feeling watched by The Black Man himself, but I am doing this for a total of 7 days at midnight each day.
The ritual is as follows. Understand what you want to get good at. Make sure it’s a task driven skill. Ie, playing something, creating something, doing something. Then take an object with you that represents that thing (ie, a keyboard, a guitar, a microphone, a tarot deck, a drum) and go to the crossroads (any will do, if you need to find them simply look at your local map) reminder crossraods are a “+” shape not a “v” shape, then do the thing for several nights until a black animal crosses your path. In some versions I’ve seen some people just do what they want the skill in for a certain amount of time (ie, playing guitar for 30 minutes or 15 minutes then leaving). Then on the final night you will be approached by a Black Man. Again the term “black man” refers to his attire. Which while he appears African American to me it is important to note that he may not to you. Regardless he wears black when he appears to me and everyone else who has spoken of this ritual.
He will ask for the object. Give it to him. Then he’ll mess with it (for example tuning a guitar) Then he’ll give the object back to you and you will find soon after you are good at that skill. It doesn’t work overnight I presume. I mean obviously if you don’t know what a chord is or even how to strum and you go there with a guitar you’re not going to wake up the best guitarist ever. However based on my previous experiences my only hypothesis is that it will come unnaturally easy to you.
I won’t know for sure until starting the 7 day trial period tomorrow. I describe my hypothesis the way I do because once upon a time I had an arrangement with the Greek God Apollo where if I gave him an offering per the session he would help me with my music. While this quickly ended do to me having a problem with routines, nothing to do with Apollo. He is wonderful in every regard. I found guitar very easy during this time period despite previously finding it almost an burden. I assume that is what will happen here but stronger though again I am uncertain.
The agreement here is that per passing his tests and not showing fear, that The Black Man will visit you in the flesh (this is not a metaphor, this is what actually happens, it is literal, if you don’t believe this can happen you will be proven wrong per the ritual shall you pass his tests and perform it accurately and that’s where I will leave it) and grant you the skill. Some sources I’ve read say that guitar players have to injure or pluck their fingers, other sources contradict this. The sacrifice to my knowledge is the dedication and passing the fear tests. It’s an offering of time. More so on that idea I have read a source that claimed he will ask for seven years of service in return. Some of the information is conflicting.
However since he is watching me if more is expected of me than I am aware I am sure that The Black Man will tell me upon receiving my guitar. Even now as I’m writing this entry edging closer to the date where I begin such a thing, I find myself intimidated and worried in ways that I never before have been about even that of similar rituals. It is his influence. But this fear is also turning into excitement! I can’t wait! Ahhh! It’s going to be so wonderful. I’m going to read up more on this later.
In other news. I keep seeing “change” referenced over and over again per my surroundings. I still keep running into 5 pointed stars. I keep seing “X” everwhere I go and I do not know what it means. I’ve also started noticing magick in my everyday world from bands, to court cases, to monkeys. You know what I mentioned about the army? Well starting yesterday since I failed to keep up with the news of it, apparently it is now illegal for transgender people to serve in the military. Many service men and women have lost their jobs or are about to do to this. I don’t care what your rational is, it couldn’t more transparent they are doing this because they find transgender people immoral rather than anything else. It is because they have an issue with transgender people, sources have claimed as much through links, and given this is done by a right wing administration I have no doubts on the matter. So that sucks.
Oh yeah! Back to seeing magick everywhere. A good place to start with this is monkeys. Yes really. I was reading an article that came across me the other day about monkeys evolving and forming what appears to be religion. Then I found more articles some time later about monkeys being implanted with Chinese gene splicing software that was increasing their brain size. I can see fingerprints of magick and magickal entities. Monkeys are evolving do to magick.
It’s obvious to me as a non scientist that something is helping them. It’s speeding up their evolution process and arranging it in several regards. In a few thousand years they might be like you and me walking upright and talking. I think it’s fascinating in a lot of respects. I can normally look at an event and see if it has magickal correlation even if I can’t place who did what. I once saw Trump (the current president of the united states) get away with something in court and upon reading the report saw the signia of several demons. But every united states president has been drenched in the demonic, and in the occult (regardless of their personal or religious beliefs) but that I’m afraid is another story for another day. I just wanted to mention this because it makes me curious as to whether or not something like this happened with us. After all we and monkeys share a common ancestor. I wonder. I really do.
Back to that song about M##@%#. My mind is constantly all over the place. I can’t keep my thoughts in a linear motion. Perhaps that is why non-linear time comes so easily to me. Speaking of which! I found out how to evoke probabilities and outcomes per Taylor Ellwood’s work. Specifically his books (space/time magick). I realized that back when I was crazy I was performing this sort of evocation. I had thought that do to my mental state at the time that my thinking “wanting this to come true and it does” was insanity but it wasn’t!
I had this tendency to spuraticly write things down wishing for them to happen and visualizing them happening and then them actually happening. I thought this was insanity but it turns out the way I was doing it correlates with evoking probability and outcomes. I was even charging them though I was so far gone at the time I hardly processed this was what I was doing. I remember going to that forum for help and the members there just told me “it’s parasites granting your desires” but now I know it wasn’t! This is hardly the first time the forum has proven ignorant on my magickal endeavours (though I did have parasites at the time) and I’m sure shall I revisit or reflect that it won’t be the last.
Evoking probabilities and reality is possible! This was what I was doing! I may have been crazy but I was still accurately performing magick during this phase. I remember Belial telling me that there was some truth to my insanity at the time. I’m sure this won’t be the last time that this comes up at all. Also back to my original tangent! M##@%#’s song. I noticed that I’m almost already sort of reaping the benefits of the ritual before it’s even been performed? I was writing a song on the ukulele and I had all these compositional musical ideas I never had before. From harmonies to unique tones to a backing clap track which do to it’s difficulty has always been something I struggled to implement. I can carry a tune but I can’t carry a beat.
For one reason or another I’ve avoided my guitar until the ritual starting tomorrow. I might have to print out some chords to practice or bring with me just in case. I smell smoke as of writing this. Weird, just thought I’d mention it. But yeah! Going to definitely do that ritual starting tomorrow. I try to not write in you everyday. I know as of the moment I sort of have that going on. However it is very necessary even if uneventful to write down each day of the ritual for me. Both do to keeping track of time as well as do to recording what I encountered.
Something has been telling me that I should order my lyft (a phone made taxi service) earlier than I think I need it just in case so I will take that advice. My intuition is rarely wrong. On the topic of rituals. Some time ago I remember mentioning that I wanted to perform a luck ritual regarding a frog from the grand grimoire. The Grand grimoire is a really really good book I highly recommend.
However this requires that I decapitate the frog. I’m so squeamish I’m trying to get up the courage to do this. I have evoked the possibility of getting testosterone recently. Not only was my mother finally called back about my appointment (despite a form existing that I now need to fill out) but I think if I need to get over my fear of being squeamish per magick there is no better way than by sticking a needle in my leg routinely. If I do end up doing that ritual I will decapitate the frog as humanly as possible and by trying to knock out the poor thing however I can first.
Theirs some more rituals that have peaked my interest as of late regarding speaking to animals. I was reading the conjuring codex and it mentioned that if you learn the singing of the birds than you can learn the language of the universe itself. It’s a pretty bold claim, and that’s coming from me! However it is interesting enough to me that I will pursue this endeavor.
Anyways that’s all for tonight. See you tomorrow!
- Acrians Locket
Journal 20: Tommy Johnson Huh?
Upon further reading into the subject it appears storms are associated with The Black Man. This was not something I could have known previously yet still experienced. Also “X’s” are often used in voodoo and hoodoo which was not something I knew either. There is a correlation to this and my current rituals. I want to reiterate in case I’m misunderstood, Voodoo and Hoodoo aren’t demonic magick or even occultist magick. Voodoo is a genuine religion. I just so happen to be an occultist going about a voodoo ritual do to not having known it’s origin. This VOODOO RITUAL is not correlated with the left handed path or in general what I do.
And as previously stated it isn’t the literal devil you are meeting that is simply a misunderstanding by Christians who don’t know better. I do encounter deities and use different aspects of different religions from time to time. I just don’t want you thinking that Voodoo is evil or occultist or even goetic/demonic in origin. It’s not. Not even remotely. It is odd that I even picked it up now that I think about it. Just don’t misunderstand what’s going on here okay?
On the topic I had a weird dream. I can’t recall near any of it except talking to a Native American woman in it. In my dream the native woman told me that the belief itself in many regards was sacred. That I should not try to prove anything. Not that I was going to? We’ve been over why I don’t do that. She told me it’s not literal nor should it be taken as such. I don’t know if this was a message from The Black Man or if it was an actual Native spirit. However, if it’s not literal while I can’t say I won’t be disappointed per visit I won’t be surprised. Spirits have visited me in the flesh. It is never something I have ever tried to prove or take evidence of and something I have actively been against others doing in the past. I have paranoid intrusive thoughts I cannot control that relate to this but it is not something I desire. I have to LIE and say that I am bringing my camera but I’m not even taking it with me. I don’t believe you should ever try to prove magick but we’ve been over this in several other entries. That being said whatever happens happens. If he doesn’t meet me he doesn’t meet me but I do kind of expect him to.
WIth all this in mind I find myself hearing the guitar more in songs recently. It just sort of sticks out to me? Also I have several channels on the radio that I go through and a lot of African or Black based music has been playing. I don’t have many avenues for such things, however when it can it plays it. On a side note The Black Man has been communicating with me through the radio I believe. First off can I just say, he has wonderful taste? That being said it’s interesting. I argued with my mother about going the my “filming location” aka the crossroads tonight. Again I lied to her about doing a music video there. If she asks for footage to show I will conjure another lie regarding such things. She may become an issue. She’s always proved a folly to my magickal endeavours. She blew up and screamed at me regarding it.
I don’t take my mother seriously. She’s a mean and bitter person who for a long time I felt didn’t love me at all. She cares I guess, to a degree however the only way she knows how to express such a “love” is by screaming and that’s not the sort of person I want to affiliate with myself. As soon as I no longer need her she is out of my life. That may sound harsh and bitter but with my upbringing and how she gaslights and treats me she is not someone you can reason with nor someone I am going to attempt to. I have the location for the crossroads ritual.
If she becomes an issue during this ritual I will let you know. That being said I am going to arrive about 40 minutes early and go to a different area in the same vicinity. Just so I am not late but also so I am not in the ritual site to early. I will bring my guitar case as instructed and a sheet of chords. I am using my phone to get a taxi so I’m going to do that as well. Something’s telling me to take my wallet so I’ll try to do that. The area isn’t completely abandoned or anything of the sort. Something is telling me 3 days but The Black Man told me 7 so I’m going to go for seven unless he shows up early for one reason or another. If for whatever reason he fails to show up on the seventh I will attend for 9 as a safety measure or give up on such a thing. God I am so excited.
My brain: your supposed to be scared * feels fear*
Me: but im excited though????
My brain: both?
Me: both is good
That was a joke. Something is telling me to stay until 1, but that might just be the radio being weird. Upon further inspection though I knew this before, it is Tommy Johnson not Robert Johnson who did the Crossroads Ritual. The reason this myth got related to Robert Johnson despite Tommy being the one who did it, is because authors retold the story historically in fiction and used Robert for their fiction because he was far more well known than Tommy. Who I keep wanting to call “Danny” for some reason. Tommy and Robert while not related by blood were good friends. Robert definitely did do Hoodoo and if you pay attention to his music you will see those references. That being said, that’s not to say he didn’t do this ritual but rather that Tommy is the one we know for sure did it, and the reason this is mis-credited to Robert at all in the first place.
Upon listening to Tommies music which I found online, I could feel The Black Man’s energy. Like I said he’s been watching me. This is not unusual for spirits at all. What is unusual for spirits is that I was able to see him in my head. I take no issue with this form of communication though I’ve seen other witches in the past take very much an issue. I find it nice. So I recognized the energy watching me within his music. My music career is going to be wild shall all go according to plan. Lyrics channeled through me first hand from Belzebub and Belial with the skill of this ritual inclined will result in some very odd energeies.
Fun fact, every time that I play songs that Belzebub wrote he shows up. Which is odd when I’m just practising however it’s kind of nice. Again he mentioned to me some time ago that “people will see my face and they will hate you for it” and I was given a very literal reference to this via my silly divination method which I think possibly references people seeing his face while I play. I have no idea how. One of my very first songs was about me being “exposed” in a manner. He wrote the lyrics so I don’t really understand the song in a lot of ways or what it’s supposed to mean. While it is my writing style (he wrote them through me afterall) they mention some weird things. Such as some sort of “blame” being forced on me, and “looking at my head” which upon inspection might reference two headed possession which I didn’t even know existed during the writings. People ask me “how do you know magick is real?” and I reply “when shit happens that I don’t expect to happen that I can then later verify through other means I am sure that it is real”.
I never knew that storms were associated with The Black Man. Yet it occured and further references proved this per preparation for the ritual. That kind of thing just doesn’t occur when you’re mind is messing with you. A physical phenomena can’t occur like that. My whole family witnessed it though they didn’t know such a meaning. I never struggle with my faith in magick. Though publically I may claim to be an atheist up and down hill, in reality I never question my belief in magick. It is real, I know that.
Next log will detail my experiences.
10: 57 AM
Journal 21: “Wait for it ||| Hamilton”
One thing i have noticed via time without any rational as to why, is that whenever my life is about to begin a new sort of phase, I buy new clothes. It’s usually not intentional nor do I do it to initiate anything of the sort. Once even a spirit told me to do it. But normally it’s on accident and only after the fact do I realize the significance of such a process. I heard the name “Tote” again while shopping and on the way there (he is an egyption god by the way) I saw 666 on my way to the store. In my culture this is mostly a pop culture thing however often a sign of the devil stereotypically. I say stereotypically because demons don’t actually have pointy horns and fangs and red skin. That’s a stereotype. Demons are a diverse bunch in fact.
I saw an stuffed elephant in the isle. A lion statue which reminded me of Marbas (A demonic healer, a demonic doctor if you will) and another entity. A few variants of Monkey toys and dolls more on that later, and a few other things. I also saw a black bear sticker on someones car and a black rabbit statue. A black bird flew past me in the car. Basically on my path. I found myself buying a new shirt online and a used one in the store both on the same day though from different places. Which usually happens during the clothes thing. I find myself buying used clothes and new clothes whenever this happens.
I’ve mentioned my X friend M##@%# quite a bit here. Not just because I have a hard time letting go. Which I do. But because he was there when I first got into magick. He was there the second time ever I called Beelzebub. He was there per my first ritual that caused me to lose my mind and even helped me with it because I didn’t want to go through such a process alone. He was with me during the first clothing phase. He was the only human being that I ever fully disclosed every aspect of my occult operations to, he was friends with me before I believed in the occult. He knows about things I have gone through that my family doesn’t. He knows more about my feelings towards my dad’s suicide then any member of my dad’s family. I gave him all of this knowledge about me and my magick, I let him know me this intimately and more thoroughly than anyone else in my fuking life…. And he left me for it. That is the reason he gave up on me.
So I bring this up as a tangent. Really I only mention it because I’m recording a song about him right now. Also because the last time this happened he was present towards the whole endeavour. My mom got the receipt on the clothes last occasion and the price tag was exactly 66.6 and I remember him commentating on it with a smirk. Then I saw 666 on a car on the way to the clothes store today. I don’t know why clothes mark new phases. I haven’t the faintest idea of the significance. I haven’t read anything that correlates to this experience. I could be misinterpreting it entirely. But given all the signs I have been getting about “change” lately which I should mention never comes from a kind place, it strikes me as representative of that.
I still keep seeing bicycles. I started to think about the shape of a circle. How a wheel represents motion. Then how a rider of a bike is in motion or causing that motion. Possibly even apart of that motion in its essence. Hence apart of a cycle. Apart of progression. This led me to the result that bikes = progress being made. But I am still unsure of this. It is a hypothesis.
One odd thing I have found recently is that I have 2 new birthmarks I didn’t have previously. I know my body well. It may be fat, it may be gross, it may be revolting in many regards but one thing I like about it is how many birthmarks I have. So I have counted them in the past. I have so many and some are harder to find than others but generally I can see most of them and pinpoint where they are. However in the shower I was looking at my arm and there were two new ones I had not previously before seen.
One of them was the size of a spec, a brown spot isolated on my skin. The other was a brown spot also on my arm but the size of a freckle. Most of my birthmarks resemble the latter. These didn’t exist before. In fact I was so surprised I tried to scratch them off thinking they were dirt. But they were not. They were my skin. This is a new development unrelated to the crossroads but one I feel worthies mention.
Back to the store. I was in the parking lot when a woman who heavily resembled the trickster Loki but how I associate him with a television show came out of her car. (she looked like an actor who played him on a television show I used to watch) It was strange. I paused because the actor for Loki on this show was also the actor for Death on another however upon opening up my internet I saw that there was Loki mentioned do to some movies popular right now. Let me be clear I really want to work with Loki. The only reason I have not is because however minimal I do want a relationship with other norse gods and it will damage your reputation and relationship with those other gods to do so. I remember i was considering it in a manner and Odin sent me immediate signs that he would end our relationship shall I do so. Obviously I picked Odin over Loki but it’s something to consider. And damage was done between us do to even contemplating it.
I remember when i meant frig at the bar and she straight up told me who she was I was a dumbass and not drunk by the way, the first think I do upon seeing ancient god in the flesh is ask her opinion on the Thor movies by Marvel. She told me and i quote “whatever keeps people interested in the mythology” i remember trying to approach her that night and the man she was with ignored me. They were making a conscious effort to. Eventually she warmed up to me upon wanting to talk to her. She was very fun and I don’t know how else to describe her beyond that, she was just cool, she had tattoos which was not something I expected. One of them was of some sort of movie i think it was a tree. I don’t actually know that much about norse mythology. Most of my knowledge came from M##@%# with whom and to no fault of my own I am no longer speaking to. He was very interested in it.
Point is the Norse gods are fuking rad, and I don’t want to damage my ability to work with them on behalf of being interested in Loki. He is a interesting entity who has a sort of allure for me seeing as I’m drawn to trickster spirits in general. That last bit is actually not good but that’s another story for another day. Point is even though I don’t work with them in depth. I want to someday. I’m not sure i want to give that up.
Regardless it doesn’t matter. A lot of gods have reached out to me Sobek, Athena, Tote, Odin, apollo maybe? and Loki. A few demons as well such as Azazel and Lucifer. It’s killing me that I can’t work with anyone else at the moment but I’m sticking to Beelzebub right now as I promised. That being said he told me to call him and I shall after this week. I need to complete this crossroads ritual to acquire skill over the guitar. I don’t want to do 2 rituals at once especially because evocation drains you. You çan borrow energy from a tree or something instead of using your own for a ritual such as evocation but I don’t like that method.
So I’ll call him next week. Wednesday at 4. As I typed this I heard an engine growl. On an off note the song “Your Gona Go Far Kid” is about him and it makes so much more sense to me as someone who works with him than as someone who didn’t. I see so many so many things he’s told me in that song such as lightning. I remember asking him his favorite genre of music and he told me rock. It makes sense given how many rock songs are written about the guy covertly such as above. Just a reminder that Beelzebub isn’t Satan or Lucifer. He isn’t “the devil” at all (though neither is Lucifer). But he is a demon. Once a god though.
I saw dice in the parking lot by the way too and it is a reference to Voodoo in my eyes do to some material I stumbled upon when reading up on The Black Man. But yeah back to the point of demons. I apologize I know my writing is everywhere and sporadic lately. I’ve been feeling slightly incoherent as of late not limited to having very minor hallucinations. I think it might have to do with this ritual but I am uncertain. But on the topic of demons, once you welcome these guys into your life to put this lightly they dont leave. If you establish a relationship with someone they don’t really leave. You may close off you ability to sense them or notice them but they are still there.
Also I keep being told to “focus” it took me some time but eventually I saw the number 111 that itself clarified to me I was being told to focus on my environment. I’m a daydreamer in every sense of the word. I often daydream in the car which is the only time I ever leave the house. I run errands with my mom and outside of that I never leave my home. On the topic of numerology actually I keep seeing numbers that are telling me that my dreams are about to happen. This lines up with what some entities have told me. The only thing it doesn’t line up is with Beelzebub telling me that my dreams will occur but they will take time. Which is an interesting contrast.
Regardless everything in my face seems a sign lately. It’s rather invigorating. I fed my mother a few more lies and now she’s helping me find a better crossroads. I was going to perform it in a subdivision I do not belong to. My mother quickly told me this was stupid and is now helping me find somewhere else today (She was right for the record). I’m determined to do it today. I need to hurry. Some days she’s even going to take me. I might have to bring my tripod as an excuse. I’ll figure it out I always do.
One thing my mom said to me stood out recently. She mentioned how I might come across something that doesn’t seem legit but turns out to be. I could tell this was a spirit sending me a message through my mother. Sometimes they do that. If you don’t tell them it’s not ok. I have expressed that it is. They just manipulated her into bringing it up. It is something I will keep in mind. An opportunity of some sort is going to come my way that appears not legit that is. I have to come to an agreement with myself. I am going to accept most creative musical offers that come my way even if I am weary of them. I’m not promising the universe and don’t expect anything for this. It’s just a promise to myself. “Yes Man” is a very good movie. I joke, I joke.
My mom mentioned on the way home that I had lost weight, and then she randomly brought up people getting discovered through the internet which is how I release my music. We found a crossroads to do the ritual at. It was a construction site. Or “filming site” she told me to be careful about police which is fairly understandable and something my spirits have told me as well. Police are very viscous in America. The way they operate here it’s just something to worry about. I’ve never felt unsafe around police as I am white and people who look like me have it easy in regards to them most of the time (unless your visabily mentally ill) but I still fear them some of the time. Even if they have done their job and protected me in the past when I needed them to. I postponed the ritual until next week by force.
My mother is forcing me to go out with my family (despite never doing this to other family members) for the Jewish Holidays. They FORCE their religion down my throat. I want to be clear. If I was a christian in a muslim household being forced to take part in muslim holidays there would be outcry. But since I’m a non-religious and they are jews it’s okay. Literally what the fuck? Because of her telling me this at the last minute and not giving me any sort of choice on the matter I am currently unable to complete the ritual as planned.
I feel like in many ways I have already started the ritual. It’s already started spiritually. So her making me push it off for a week so I can leave with my family to go to some stupid JEWISH thing when I am NOT A JEW is child abuse and might majorly mess with me, and this potential ritual up spiritually! Not to mention they force me to partake in their RITUALS INVOLVING THEIR GOD who I DON’T WORSHIP. I’ve literally been threatened to go hungry if I didn’t partake. Okay it’s not literally child abuse. But it is emotionally abusive. If I start the ritual tonight I’ll need to finish by this Friday. Every midnight up until then and on that day as well. And she is robbing me of my ritual! I’m furious and terrified now that I won’t be able to complete it as planned because I had made it known I was going to do it today.
The black man expected me today. Spirits don’t work like people they don’t tend to understand when things come up. They often come from a mindset of “you promised I don’t care about your circumstances do it” no matter the situation. Then again it does depend on who you’re dealing with but still. I now have a major decision. I can start the ritual tonight as planned and mess things up majorly by not going with family through lying and manipulation or I can just postpone it a week and be forced by family under threat to partake in their jewish stuff. It’s not fair.
I really think I’ll have to do the latter and hope that it doesn’t mess things up to badly. If for any reason the black man doesn’t show up it will be my mother’s fault and I will hate her forever on this account!
- Acrians Locket
Bell and kid
14 which represents karmic debt.
Immediately after a guy ina. Golden cross shirt walked past me. Lots of jesus imagery latley. Doesn’t dissuade me however
Note to self: give belzebub and belial offering 2night
Journal 22: Night 1
“Hitchen A Ride ||| Green Day”
I should preface this by my decision. I decided to do the ritual tonight despite my mothers angry protests and her “heartbreak” over me not attending my families holidays. I’m my own person and it’s not “disrespecting” your religion to reject a religion I have had very negative experiences with (Judaism). Throughout earlier today I had plenty of stereotypically demonic imagery come at me. A lot of devil imagery as well. I was warned of “service” and the number 14. In numerology the number 14 represents a spiritual debt owed. I am under the impression per the skill the Black Man is going to ask for something regarding service in return. I’m down for this I just wish I knew what it entailed. Which is a foolish way to look at things. Don’t be Acrians. Don’t agree to shit before you know the consequences (though technically I’m not going to say yes until he tells me what it entails). I’m just comfortable in my own dumbassery. This has both worked out really well for me and messed me up over in the past. Don’t do this. Be more careful than me. I also saw a lot of God, Jesus, and Christian imagery. (For the record I like Jesus aka Yeshua, just hate his fan club)
This tends to fair often whenever I go about an extensive ritual. In a lot of ways it strikes me as a sort of nod from the Christian entities who have never bothered helping me out or benefiting me before going “oh no,,,,stop,,, don’t….go to the dark….side…..it bad….”. I hope you can hear the apathy in the joke. Whenever I undertake serious occult operations or rituals in general I feel like it’s the only time the Christian god and or his lackies bother to reach out. For obvious reasons I don’t care. I’m a selfish and manipulative person and I won’t be guilt tripped by a doctrine based religion that’s never done anything for me per those features. However if this is in congruence with the ritual I just performed I can easily see why Christians would be misled into thinking the Black Man is the Devil rather than just a Voodoo Spirit upon seeing such things. Especially given Voodoo is monotheistic in practice but that’s another story for another day.
I felt fear immediately upon preparing to go. I stopped by my mothers room. The television communicated to me that “he wants you to make a mistake” and then carried on about some war or something. I then did divination to gather more information on the situation. My divination told me not to stop playing. The television advised me not to go at all and mentioned death. Which has been mentioned several times in preparation. However my tv which I occasionally use for divination wasn’t working and neither was my music radio which sent the message I shouldn’t use divination ahead of time.
I saw it as proper preparation. However now I think he may have considered it cheating. I didn’t intend to cheat so I just let the radio play without an restraints or asking questions. I don’t intend to cheat. I asked belzebub who normally keeps me from feeling fear and protects me not to interfere for this reason or at least that’s what I hope I made clear? I’m bad a communication and didn’t talk to him directly but he’s normally around so I’m sure he noticed. If didn’t feel fear and, I fear much fear, I haven’t fully admitted, then it would prevent The Black Man’s tests. I am going to play for 30 minutes. I felt him telling me to do that.
I planned to keep playing despite what I encounter. Until it’s over or the 30 minutes are over in which case I will go. I felt immense fear going up. I tried to convert it to excitement. Which is very effective. It’s a thing I learned do to trauma. I did see an add about growing my hair out which I thought rather odd. Constantly the Disney’s little mermaid kept playing in preparation. This movie is about a cartoon mermaid who sells her voice in order to become human. It’s very reminiscent of a deal with the devil or a pact or agreement in many ways.
But she loses her voice in the process. Losing my ability to physically sing is one thing I wouldn’t agree to no matter what. It would defeat the purpose of me learning this skill at all. If I can’t sing playing guitar is useless however I think it may be more metaphorical in meaning.That being said whatever the case I’m sure what he asks for will be in correlation and make sense. I’m sure it’s correlated. Beelzebub warned me through his engine voice (an engine roaring in the background of my being in my home and hearing his voice through it) even though I asked him not to interfere, that The Black Man would ask me to sign a contract of sorts. That will be between me and The Black Man shall such a thing be the case. Regarding the ritual I left and did as I had planned. It was exciting and here’s what happened.
I got lost. I left way earlier than I had to. Something was pushing me to but I resisted until I saw it being windy outside in which case I got kinda paranoid and left. I left about 10:59 or something like that. Then with a hoarse voice I got in a lyft aka my taxi. The driver was a Black man named Robert who happened to also be a musician. I know what you’re thinking. It wasn’t him. He admitted to me that he used auto-tune to sing, and had done rap in the past. That being said his name is more than coincidance. He was really cool and played his track “paradise lost” to me. We exchanged info and I got his email address. I gave him a $7 tip because I felt bad do to being lost. I mentioned collabing and gave him my info as well.
Upon dropping me off I immediately noticed a car on the location. I was in the sights of it. Clearly it was meant to monitor the construction work at the location and make sure nobody was trespassing. I was under the impression upon visiting with my mom that nobody would be around. It’s a neighborhood being built. Seeing this and having the car see me in it’s sights I waited for Robert to leave and drive away. Then once he was gone I took my guitar and walked away. It just so happened (not by luck, by magick) that the neighborhood had another entrance that wasn’t being remotely monitored.
I entered that way. The neighborhood had quite a few crossroads and one was just by this entrance. So I sat there 30 minutes early to twelve o clock. I waited and talked to myself. Upon the way there was a black cricket that kept visiting me and caught me off guard a few times. Several black bugs or at least bugs that appear black in the lighting visited me but the cricket kept reappearing. I have a phobia of insects, did I forget to mention? It was chill though. Originally I recoiled then realizing it was just a bug and probably sent by The Black Man I began talking to it and later myself until I looked back down and it vanished.
This happened several times. The clouds were dark. Once it hit twelve I started poorly playing my original work. However I did my best not to sing. I noticed some sort of search light going off the environment. These are pretty normal for construction sights. I did my best to play my guitar quietly and I did. I saw several shadows as I played. Kind of like shadow people if you know what those are. In my vision. Sometimes I could’ve sworn I saw someone coming towards me and then it vanished. I felt The Black Man next to me as I talked to myself and played. As soon as I started playing while it didn’t rain, the wind picked up and it got a bit windy. At one point my guitar case nearly closed itself.
I heard police sirens. I should mention I mentioned to myself though I am sure he was listening that I was scared of police. In retrospect I’m far more afraid they would arrest me for trespassing and doing the ritual than anything else. I heard several sirens while performing and each time I felt like they were about to catch me. I didn’t really feel scared for it, but that was most likely do to me talking to myself. Several times I realized how foolish it was the location I picked. I reminded myself I didn’t know better about the location but regardless it was still a mistake. One point I even closed my guitar because I was afraid the sirens were about to catch and arrest me. However this proved to be paranoia. So I took my guitar back out and played. I played for a 2 extra minutes to make up for that lost time. Then at the 30 minute mark I ordered my lyft and went home. Once again the driver got a bit lost. He mentioned to me the apps had been malfunctioning all day and kept mentioning stuff being “crazy” I knew instantly this man was a magician but didn’t know how to bring it up so I simply didn’t.
I mean what was I gonna say, that I was doing a Voodoo ritual? Come on. Something told me I should’ve continued to play longer however I failed to do this because the lyft was already ordered I was already in it, and my mom would throw a fit and possibly not allow me to go out again if I canceled it. So grumpy I went home. Oh I should note I took off my coat in a mild panic upon leaving seeing as the cricket was on me which I didn’t know when playing. I tried to shoe it off and told it, that it couldn’t come with me however it stayed so I just tossed my coat in the mans car along with my guitar. I then felt The Black Man’s presence in the car as we were riding home.
I finally made it home. I tried to make small talk with the driver but while putting on a nice face he did seem rather stressed and uninterested. I really wanted to tell him I was a magician too but social conventions (the few that I know) prevented me from doing such a thing. This White male driver also mentioned having a past with music though he admitted to never being good at it. Also I did genuinely enjoy Robert’s Track. On the way home the radio played a song and a lyric caught my attention that was something among the lines of “everything about your life is going to change” which I found interesting. It was a pop music station. Sometimes I find myself surprised by how much magick is intertwined in pop music given how shallow it can be. It all uses the same four chords after all.
I found out my mutual (someone who I follow who also follows me back) on the website twitter also writes songs which is cool. I’m taking a “ask to collab with everybody you meet” sort of mindset at the moment. Anyways that’s all really to report. I am rather tired and exhausted. It was super risky but this is only night one and I haven’t been caught yet. I keep seeing the black figures even in my home which leads me to believe he came with. I heard something say “next time it won’t be so easy” just now and I feel like that’s true. However I hope it’s not easy in a “super fukign scary” way and not a “you can’t get to the location” way because there is a huge fuking difference. Just got a flash of “both, both, both is good” which is a scene from “Road to Eldorado” in my head as I typed that. Anyways.I’m sleepy and deprived of energy so goodnight.
Journal 23: “Leave out all the rest ||| Linkin Park”
I want to state something that sort of is an elephant in the room. I am White. Which we’ve been over yeah? Here’s the thing about that in America. It a mixing pot of different cultures. As a result of this different people of different backgrounds exist here especially in the South where I find myself in. Voodoo is primarily an African American thing. It’s something usually reserved for African Americans.
I want to be clear here. Magick is magick and ritual is ritual, it will work for you no matter who you are or where you come from. You do not have to be catholic for a saint to help you. However that doesn’t mean you should do it if you do not belong to the culture it belongs to. People who look like me, have stolen a lot from African Americans in my culture. It’s a huge issue and talking point in this year. We often take things that aren’t ours and in many ways “appropriate them”. Voodoo can sometimes be seen as one of these things. Does that mean you have to African American to practice it? Well according to a lot of people actually yes. Some would say no. There are white people who practise it mind you but it’s a heated debate in a lot of ways.
I want to be clear, when I set off for this ritual I did not know it’s origin. I honestly thought do to some of the information I read nobody could place it and that it may as well be Irish in nature. I was wrong about this, however that doesn’t change the fact that I still went along with it anyways. I am going to continue this ritual. As someone serious about ritual and magick I have always suffered consequences when leaving rituals once I begun them no matter what they were or their intent (see me losing my sanity from other passages). I also want to state the Black Man himself is still going through with it on his end and it’s even storming right now as I write this!
That being said I don’t want to steal anything. I don’t want to take people’s culture if it doesn’t belong to me. I don’t want to hurt anyone by practicing magick that itself doesn’t belong to me and may not even been seen as magick by the creators of the culture itself. So while I will be continuing these logs, and documenting my work on this ritual and The Black Man I want to apologize to anyone reading who may find that I’m stealing their culture or appropriating it in a way. It was the furthest from my intention but as stated I’m in too deep and started the ritual anyways to give up on it.
This ritual is real. It will work for you if you look like me, it’s not like spirits have an issue with race like that (Literally Odin originally appeared to me as a handsome African American young man and later changed his appearance to a old White man so I would properly recognize him because per the first encounter I had no idea it was him at all and he wanted me to know thus he played off my expectations) but I don’t want to hurt anyone with my practices. I do not want to take something that isn’t mine to take in many regards so this is just my statement addressing the matter.
That being said even at this point The Black Man himself has been wonderful. I had a dream this morning that I was pit against another guitarist. An African American man in a black suit. I would just like to remind you that “The Black Man” is the title by which I know him, and denotes the colors he wears and is associated with symbolic clothing rather than his race. So in the dream I don’t really remember the circumstances. But him and I were playing against each other. It was either me trying to outrun him and having to play as apart of that, or him and I competing and playing that way. I don’t really remember. All I do remember is that he was good. Like really really good. However in this dream I was also good so it wasn’t an issue?
Last night I was talking with Belzebub some. I can’t tell you about a lot of my operations with Belzebub. He doesn’t usually like me to reveal this information or for me to bother to write things down. Honestly you would learn so much more from my music than these entries for that reason. But he did tell me I would be changing fast and some symbolic shit and I’ll leave it there. I tried to start an entry and felt him pushing me not to even though it didn’t disclose the operation. He doesn’t even want me writing this down! Given how he is, I’m glad I was even able to write any of my former entries about him at all. I remember him asking to read my diary. He is the only spirit I have given this permission to. I trust him with my life.
I had a spirit in the shower ask me for a slave/master relationship (where i would serve the spirit). Spirits have asked this from me before. Beelzebub has asked this of me before even. I have always told them no because I’m not a fuking idiot. If you are not careful demons will try to force you into something like this, they are not always so kind to ask so I will leave it there. I didn’t agree and that’s that.
I woke up to it storming. While I see the storm as a sign of The Black Man the song “Your gona go far kid” by the offspring was playing on my radio and it’s a very good song about Beelzebub who is also associated with storms. You won’t really know this unless you work with him but he was a storm/rain god before his demonization. So I assume it’s both. I was warned by a spirit last night that it would be very hard to complete the crossroads ritual today. Upon waking up I noticed something strange. I was hearing every instrument in the songs on the radio. I was understanding their composition. How they worked as a song. That’s never happened before. Not even when working with Apollo did I understand music that well.
It was crazy! Also I feel the need to mention the ritual was successful in how I operated it last night. I was utterly and uncharacteristically exhausted. That only happens if you do a ritual. For example when you do evocation which is the act of summoning a spirit usually a demon outside yourself to you, you are fine during the ritual but upon completing it find yourself utterly exhausted. That’s just how magick is. For the record I do consider this magick. But I also consider a lot Catholic and Jewish operations also magick. In my opinion I don’t care what religion it comes from if you are doing a ritual to impact your world supernaturally in my definition it is magick even if higher powers are involved. I don’t care if you are calling on Lebga or Jesus if you are doing a supernatural operation to achieve your results as an occultist in my definition that is magick. Yes this means a lot of Catholics unknowingly do magick.
I can even recall a specific catholic ritual where the operator buries a statue of the saint of homes in order to sell your house. That is fuking magick. I don’t care if God or a higher power is involved that is magick! There is an operation in Judaism called a “bar or bought mitzvah” it’s a ritual to usher the practicer (usually a jewish child) into adulthood in the eyes of their God. That’s a fuking ritual! You are utterly changing your perception of your status and self within the eyes of God by going on a several month operation! That is MAGICK. I don’t care how you spin it.
It is important to note most practitioners of these religions do not think of these things as magick. Most jews would say magick isn’t involved in their religion whatsoever (Moses parting the sea with a staff, a tool often used in magickal operations rather similar to a wand in some regards isn’t magick really?) and most Christians as well (turning water into wine, transmogrification isn’t magick I guess,,,,,somehow) but these things are changing your world by way of supernatural ritual which in my eyes is magick! There’s a reason Jewish and Christian magicians exist. It’s because you are doing things so supernaturally and ritualistically, for most people there is easily enough wiggle room there.
When it is a culture that I did not grow up with (Such as Voodoo) I will never force the title of magick on it. It’s already very misunderstood in my culture and thus I will give it special treatment accordingly. However that is why I use the terms the way I do. It is also why I am trying to say “ritual” rather than “magick” because for a lot of Voodoo practitioners at least to my understanding, they wouldn’t consider their religion magick at all.
I was asked in my half asleep state what I feared most. This isn’t easy. Because I don’t get scared easily. I am often startled. That occurs rather frequently. Truly it is not hard to get me to recoil at something. I can imagine fears other people care about like family dying, or floating heads or something. But normally I don’t have these fears. While I am someone with anxiety and paranoia I’m not really afraid of “things” such as “drowning, spiders, monsters, the dark, heights” I’m more so afraid of circumstances and trouble (my friend rejecting me, someone judging me, people knowing my past with insanity). For example I was terrified police would escort me off the scene last night and keep me from completing my ritual fuking everything up. Therefor I mentioned being afraid of police before the ritual. That sort of stuff.
I’m not scared of most. Before you ask no entity is holding back my fear I asked them not to do that. I have felt fear in this ritual and performing it as well as leading up to it. But I don’t really have a “worst fear” or something terrible that upon seeing it would frighten the shit out of me. I don’t know. I get why he was asking but I just don’t work that way. Atleast, not most of the time. I do want to help him in pushing to scare me I think it’s an important part of the ritual that I have to face thus I am okay with insisting him in this regard. However I just don’t work that way you know?
I’ve had the name “papa legba” appear a few times. I’m unaware if it is my own mind or if it is actually him reaching out. Sometimes when spirit wants your attention in order to show their interest demon, god or otherwise, they will put their name in your head repeating. I once even had this happen with “Amon Push” which was strange. I was also receiving signs from Odin and Athena last night on the television. All of this being said my mother just called and apparently we are in a rush to meet my brother for lunch so I must go. See you after the ritual.
Journal 24: Night 2
“Ten Thousand Hours ||| Macklemore”
Not only has my house reeked of incense despite not performing any sort of task requiring it for several days but the garage in which I perform my evocations is strange. Earlier today my mother asked me to open the garage door for her to come inside since it was raining. I did so and then later thought nothing of it. Then upon further inspection the place where I draw my magickal circle for evocations was drenched in water from outside in the spot of my magick circle and my magick circle alone. I found it odd. It wasn’t perfrectly encompsed but out of everyhere in the garage the only placed consumed by water was my circle. Interesting.
Whenever I feel like I’m about to go to do the Crossroads ritual I feel drained of energy. Even meer thinking about in the form of preparatory immersion drains me. This is to be expected it is a ritual and rituals do take a toll on your energy but I found it odd. Also a voice told me that he was going to ask me for 10 years of service but I couldn’t identify the voice so it may have just been a spirit fuking with me on the matter. Like I have said previously I plan on going for 7 days however I was also told recently that he would approach me on the third day, this however I disbelieve do to it presumably not being him whom said it.
I was learning my japanese lesson today and luck has been a sign that keeps coming up for me. During my japanese lesson a surname that translates to “crossroads” or “lucky” came up and I found it odd. Spirits often communicate with me through my Japanese lessons for one reason or another. It’s been storming all day and I have been told that “it won’t be easy this time” in regards to trying to get to the location. I personally do not care how easy or hard it is to get there as long as A) I am not late, and B) I am still able to do the ritual without interference. If I get taken by the cops or the people there I just won’t be able to complete it no matter how dedicated I am to the matter given I am trespassing in order to do this.
At this point I would like to remind you that I didn’t know I would be trespassing per my choice of location and at the point I learned this it was too late to back out, so it’s not like I went into this with malicious intent. Throughout today I have seen several people wearing black among the streets. My voice has virtually disappeared recently for one reason or another. I am not worried, I’m not doing this ritual to become a good singer. I was born with a great voice. I am doing this ritual to do guitar and guitar alone. That being said my mom may put up a fuss shall it rain when I go tonight however I’ll make it work.
I’m suddenly really exhausted so I’m going to pause the journal here and continue after the ritual tonight (5:18 PM)
Okay so I just got back from the ritual and things went terribly wrong. For starters I told myself I was going to stay longer however a cold front came out of nowhere. As I was playing my guitar a spider spun it’s web around me and crawled on me making me to throw off my jacket. I only stayed 32 minutes. I heard a song playing in my head that said “stay” but got up and called my mom to pick me up thinking it was good enough. I turned on the actual radio and heard the lyrics “stay” again but it was too late. I heard him talk to me telling me that this was a “sacrifice of time” and I asked him if I could make it up later because do to my folly and heard a song in my head say “that’s not good enough” as I got in my mom’s car that lyric repeated over and over. I am now terrified that I have butchered the ritual and he told me as much.
Even though he was present at both events I feel like even if I go the 7 nights as planned I won’t be able to reap any of the benefits. It’s all my fault and I’m owning up to that. I also heard the phrase “third time’s a charm” in my head on the way home and a song on the radio told me to “have faith and stay true” which is telling me to keep going through with it despite butchering it this way. My fingers are in pain I’m hungry and I was freezing. I feel like I messed it up spectacularly and as a result he won’t show up and bestow me the skill I want.
I asked him how long to stay and an add for a fast food chain came on the radio that said “1.39” as the price of their food so I take it to mean 1 hour and 39 minutes. If for whatever reason the Black Man does not show up and I do not receive this skill please note this is the reason why. Last time I knew he wanted me stay longer but I couldn’t. This time I made that choice myself and I own up to that mistake. I failed this ritual. That being said I’m still going to go through with it but I can’t promise I will get any sort of results. I asked him what I could do to make it up to him and he said “you can stay” and I couldn’t. I’m in a position where if my behaviour arouses any sort of suspicion I will be forbidden from continuing at all and it won’t be doable. That is the number one tell from the past with my mom. I heard a voice as I was typing this say “I want you to stay for an hour tomorrow” and I shall. Possibly longer if need be. I can’t make this mistake a third time. I got in the car visibly upset and my mom noticed. I feel so bad.
I saw images in the clouds. One was a skull angry face, another was a silhouette of a man with horns. I felt a voice telling me not to write about him in this journal and I’m unsure if it was the black man but regardless unless I meet him or reap the benefits consider this entry the last one on this matter. I mesed up so much. I hate this. Ugh.
I’m in a bad mood. Goodnight journal.
1:01 AM 4/15/19
Journal 25 “Counting Stars ||| One Republic”
A spirit visited me in my dream this morning. He was an attractive white man. He was driving me in my dream. I immediately noticed he wasn’t human. I started asking a bunch of stupid questions because you know, it was a dream. At first i think he might be angelic so I asked his hebrew name. He tells me he doesnt have one and writes shit down while driving. I imply a lot of dark shit about my work. He tells me he’s not a demon he’s more helpful than that. I remember telling him I didn’t assume he was a demon I just knew he wasn’t human. He shows me his notes and they tell me not to waste his time on stupid questions and answer my questions beyond small talk, more in depth however I’m reading this sheet for the rest of my dream and cannot remember it. I tell him iI plan on selling my soul and I wake up.
I immediately apologize upon waking up for my dumbassery. I don’t mind when spirits want to visit me in my dreams. But often times I act as tho I am in a dream in my dreams. Thus the logic of my mind is flawed. This often results in some idiotic and embarrassing behaviour. It’s still a dream for me. It’s not like because something is real or visiting that, that this changes. I feel bad for making him uncomfortable. That being said selling your soul isn’t real. In most of my dreams demons don’t even take a physical form so I don’t know what I was on about. I’m not that dark as I presented myself in the dream. But he was nice. I’ve met this spirit in person before.
He was nice. He did throw me off do to something he told me per our first encounter but I knew he wasn’t human when I met him and I could tell instantly in a dream. This happens a lot to where I can just tell even if I act as though I’m oblivious of fake denial upon such a thing, in the meeting. It was so cool a spirit bothered and I butchered it! While I am in a crossroads ritual right now, that I butchered as explained last night, it’s not dark or black magic. It’s not even demonic.
I just feel really bad. I’ll get over it. I’m sure if this spirit really wants to reach out he will some other way because most do. For example Athena often sends me owls when she wishes for attention and Odin sends me imagery of people with eyepatches (if you’re wondering no he did not wear an eyepatch and never has per my encountering him however he only has one eye and while you can’t tell when you see him, this imagery alerts me that it is him in a way I can understand). That being said he doesn’t have to. It’s just whatever.
When I woke up it was windy and their was a rainbow by my window. Last night my mom found two offerings I had left out for Belzebub and Belial yesterday. One was a turkey sandwich and the other was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. My mom got mad at me upon finding them. I think she knows it’s witchcraft related. She said “YOU LEFT THESE OUT FOR THREE DAYS?!” in an accusing voice and I said “no I left them out this morning to eat” she showed me a sandwich and it was rock hard and stale. In truth I left it out yesterday. Offerings left out for spirits often spoil incredibly quickly, or preserve themselves way longer than they should. If these were just any old sandwiches they would take several days to reach this point.
Spirits don’t really eat the way you and I do. They may have preferences in offerings such as the demon Gaap liking sweet things but in general when you leave out an offering or a “gift” for a spirit they sort of just take the things essence. While I don’t have an alter (I used to and my mother threw it out and repurposed it upon discovery) I was told by Lucifuge a powerful demon, to keep all my offerings in the same place. So I put them behind my t.v on my nightstand because they are still separate from other objects but more easily hidden.
I had a dream I was a “sunset star” (I should mention I have several dreams per night) which within the context of the dream meant I was someone who was “famous from the start” I was playing a show and became an overnight celebrity per my first release. I also remember within this dream trying to weasel money out of my mother for one reason or another under the guise of boarding school. Which in real life I was sent back when I was mute and severely traumatised (I had severe later in adulthood diagnosed PTSD). Ths school while it got me talking again, caused severe trauma to occur and it messed up my head more in overall.
The staff told me it was my fault for being different that I was getting bullied. You know it was my fault my peers hated me. Despite having a strict anti-bullying policy that I saw implemented for other students. BH is the worst school on this planet and I swear up and down if you send your child there they will become so much more messed up then before. (it wasn’t just me who ended up this way) My grandparents paid for my education so they got to choose where I went and honestly apart of me hates them a little bit for this, to this day.
But back to the dream. That was my excuse I was using it for “boarding school” to get some sort of allowance in order to get something magickal maybe? But I can’t remember. There was also a subplot about me needing to draw something in a puddle of water for some shit? Anyways. A bunch of girls were following me. I had no privacy whatsoever and couldn’t even go out to get candy without getting hounded by my “fans”. Oh also 21st century celebrity Justin Bieber was there, then I woke up.
I feel like Justin Bieber gets to much shit. He was a kid singing covers on the internet with only his guitar. Then he made an original song that some record exec or something saw and he want viral overnight. Suddenly everyone on earth knew this fuking kids face. He then had his identity stripped of him per the pop branding of his record label in order to sell this image of picture perfect schoolboy and appeal to as many young pre-pubescent girls as possible. Not to mention he was famous. Fame while something I desire is not for everyone and a lot of people who are afflicted with it hate it. You have little to no privacy and you live your life under a microscope.
Every little thing you do wrong or say gets blown out of proportion by literal hundreds of people forming in a mob that you don’t know. This was inflicted upon a 12 year old boy. So clearly there’s shit going on behind the scenes that’s messing with his head. So he fuking does stupid shit. He pees in a bucket and makes fun of a fan’s appearance. Little stuff that shows this at first. Parents lash out thinking he’s a bad influence ignoring the fact that he is literally a twelve year old boy. All while this is going on he’s clearly heavily monitored by his label and his agents and his people, and he can’t grow up right. But he’s still aging so he does grow up and continues to make stupid mistakes because again he’s a fuking child. He’s a teenager and a child being held up to the standards of an adult because he has a platform. I promise you if people judged you for who you were as a teenager for the rest of your life you would be in misery. Kids say and do stupid shit. It’s apart of growing up. You should still treat them like the children they are. They are still kids no matter how famous.
So cleary things go wrong and he gets in legal trouble and smiles during his mugshot. Which when your famous keeping up appearances is something you have to do. Especially as a pop star. You cannot let anyone see you messed up or you’ll get worse. But the media spins this and makes it like he was proud of getting arrested because he refused to frown in a photo that already looked like shit that would then be shown in front of millions of people. So like he’s doing his best to keep up with all of this garbage while forcing himself to look like he’s fine and doesn’t care and in the end this results in a kid who America fuking despises and hates for the mistakes he made a child.
Sounds messed up right? Give Justin Bieber a break. I really fuking hate celebrity culture in America and how it affects people. In other news I married a spirit I worked with. Spiritual marriage is sort of like tying you to together for eternity. In some cases it can even extend into your next lives. It’s not something to take lightly especially with demons but given who proposed I made an exception to my no marrying spirits rule. It’s not romantic in nature. It’s more so just kind of like tying you two together. You know?
In other unrelated news. That musician who’s information I got has yet to respond so that’s not good. I’m also waiting on lines from an actor who I may have to boot off of my audio drama project. I keep seeing elephant imagery everywhere I go. Also “Hi I’m Case” makes spiritual tweets and a lot of them correlate with what’s happening with me right now. But I’ll just chalk that up to synchronicities. This has been the only night so far The Black Man hasn’t visited me in my dreams. I worry that I pissed him off or something. I kept feeling pushed to go back to the crossroads to finish it but I just wasn’t in a position where I could do so. To which I heard “tough!” and I’m like it is, that’s why I’m stressing out. I’m still going to go every 7 days. If he doesn’t show up it will be because I messed up night 2 I’m sure of it.
It’s my fault for putting myself in that position. It’s a mistake I made that I will own up to. It sucks saying you were wrong but as an adult that’s something you just have to do. Anyways my voice is still garbage and that’s kept me from recording. I had more to say about the occult within the music industry but I guess I will just save such a thing for another day. I’m sad.
Journal 26: NIght 3
I’m not going to write much this time. I said I’d keep the ritual and talks of it at a minimum. I just want to mention here that while I stayed longer than last time a whole hour in fact I hear something tell me I still didn’t stay long enough so chances are this whole ritual is botched. I wasn’t sure but I felt something pushing me to leave and something else pushing me to stay. So I turned on my radio and “Africa” by Toto played. I took this as a sign to go but upon getting in the lyft I realized the main lyric was “It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you” which I thought because of the song’s title I would be fine to leave but I guess not and upon arriving home even though the music that played was mostly positive such as “natural” by Imagine Dragons. Which is a rather dark (in every sense of the word) song about doing shit right even if your morals are corrupt. Also I saw two shooting stars! I was also picked up by another musician and that’s just so rare. Anyways I’m sad and tired. Goodnight.
- Acrians Locket
Journal 27 “I am a monument to all your sins” – Halo Franchise
So fun fact I realized that the songs “Walking in your shoes” by Linkin Park is about Belzebub which is cool. When he told me “magick was all around me” I tried very hard for several weeks to notice but came across to much at once triggering a manic state, or nothing at all in my own twisted oblivion. It was frustrating beyond repair. I came up for an idea while I was daydreaming to myself to make something called a “divination book”. There’s a form of divination that I’m sure has a name that I do not know, that a goddess showed me whom I used to work with. It’s when you open a book and flip to a random page while focusing on a question. Then the answer will be written there on the pages you flipped to. It has to be random, if you flip to the same area of a book every time it won’t work. It’s best to do this for a book where you don’t have the text memorized.
I came up with an idea that perhaps you could make a book like this intentionally. With random phrases or quotes per page for divination. I should get working on it but test it out with a notebook of mine at first. I doubt I’m the only one with this idea given most people tend to get the same idea at once but only one person ever gets to properly execute it.
It’s like you have this bold ass idea you think is totally original, that nobody comes across or you do anything with, that then someone with more luck and success uses similarly without you saying a word of it at all. It happened with my first amatuer webshow, it happened with my original story when steven universe was made when I had a fantasy story in mind about kids with rocks in their bodies, it happened with a few super hero stories I never bothered to write however upon learning my lesson am now doing so.
So if this idea is striking me hard at the moment I should probably get going on writing it before someone else does. But back to the music thing before I just took my random tangent. I’m not trying to shit on the legacy of a dead man, but….linkin park’s music even their current stuff is heavily tied into the occult and demons in general. There’s quite a few songs about Belzebub that mirror my experiences with him that I have noticed however the key difference is the tone in approach. I’m happy with what I’m doing with him. I’m happy about going through this overall and it’s clear the singer of those song….had the opposite…effect. Which is fascinating. It just proves people are different is all.
But yeah several bands do magick covertly, Twenty One Pilots (a rock band) is both heavily christian and embedded in Norse Heathenry. The musician Hozier (Jazz and other influences related) has straight up admitted to doing hoodoo and all of his online profiles says as much. The band Bastille (classic/alternative rock) and Panic! At the Disco (pop punk) are heavily left handed path in their essence. Hell even Taylor Swift (pop/country) who is a popstar that is so fuking huge in the year 2019 has occult themes starting with her album Reputation. Which is a good album I suggest you listen to. If you want to know what music sounds like in the era I’m making it and writing this book her album is the epitome of popular music right now and that can’t really be disputed.
Magick is literally everywhere! It’s in all your favorite songs even. It’s just not explicitly stated or obvious if you don’t know magick. That’s why people call it “writing between the lines” if you know you know, if you don’t know you don’t know. While Hozier can sing about being “taken to church” god forbid he name drop something else he works with in his music less he lose his radio playtime. The only genre immune to it in any way I’ve seen is country music. But country music is often Christian so that’s not really saying much. Maybe that’s why I don’t care for country music to much. Or it could be it’s formula and lack of personality right now I don’t know.
I keep seeing people in black as I leave the house. I also have that scamy acting job I think I mentioned earlier? If not I’ll be sure to elaborate later, today. I came up with the album art for my newest thing. I’m not going to reveal it though I wish I could, because even though these entries are written very early in my career you could look it up and expose me. However I will say this, I have a huge ass thing for fuking blindfolds do to the spiritual conotation of being asleep or “blind”. Also I really want to incorporate the color orange at some point in my career.
I’ve been getting signs from the numbers lately. Numerology is the concept of spiritual communication via numbers. This number represents this thing, this number says this about you, this number means this ext ext. I keep seeing 111 lately. As well as 4, and 3. 111 is a number for “spiritual awakening” apparently so that’s a nice thing. I never put to much thought into numbers until an entity brought it up in person and from then on I paid attention accordingly.
I used to have a friend named Max who was god awful but he was really into this sort of shit. I never paid it much mind because again, it was Max. Crazy loony bin Max. Yeah. I’ve known so many people named Max it is utterly insane. Not limited to several x-friends and my current cousin who I rarely see. I would love to have a relationship with my cousins. But it doesn’t seem likely. They don’t get my gender and while we were close as kids we rarely talk now. Jokes on them when I become a rockstar or something of the sort.
I joke but I am allowed to dream am I not? Another thing is letters. I often see letters as I’m driving around. These are in English mind you. For example the crossroads is an construction site. The letter “M” is spray painted on the ground there. In english this could mean many things but it depends on you and the moment, regardless of why it’s actually there, one night I think it stood for the english word for “Magick”, and the next night I felt it stood for “Mistake” so the connotation of the word really depends on me at the moment but it is a communications tool. For example when I’m doing shit right I often see “G” which stands for “Good” in my language.
Anyways yeah I keep getting signs about the music industry and overnight success but I’m not going to waste time dwelling on it. So that’s that. Nothing to report just felt like getting that tangent about how every fuking celebrity secretly does magick or some shit. See ya.
- Acrians Locket
Journal 28: Night 4
Time moves backwards at the crossroads. That’s something I’ve noticed. Several times the clock on my phone has just gone back a minute or two and I’m sure at this point I am not imagining it. I could’ve sworn I was playing several times for at least several minutes but when I checked the clock it was still as though I hadn’t been playing at all time wise. It’s weird.
One thing I want to get to is that I was reading over one of my entries about Beelzebub and my lights flickered a lot and an engine roared. He rarely makes physical shit happen and I know he wants me to call him but I’ve been waiting until after the crossroads ritual because if I do the evocation I’ll be so exhausted for the rest of the day and unable to complete it and honestly I really need this skill. I still keep seeing black animals. I want to be clear from what I have seen they aren’t the Black Man himself but rather creatures he sends your way. At Least so far.
But once again I’m trying to keep the info on him to a minimum. Something is telling me to idk. I mean him no disrespect to him so unless something really fuking weird happens I will try not to tell you about it and instead just keep the titles of the log the same because like I have to keep track somehow. I feel like in a lot of ways this is contradictory since my journal is only really meant for my eyes and it’s how I get this shit out of my system but a spirit told me this won’t always be the case so I don’t know.
I asked my mom how she thought I’ve changed this year. She told me she thought I was more mature and taking responsibility for my actions and stuff, this was do to entities I know. She also said I was far more outgoing and “borderline not autistic” which I kind of take as an insult or backhanded compliment but I get what she was trying to say. She was saying I was communicating better. But the way she said it implied that my disability wasn’t apparent and that was a good thing. I get how that’s supposed to make me feel better but in reality my autism is a huge fuking part of who I am and it sucks she thinks something so important to me and my identity and self would be better if it disappeared.
I know this bit is sort of petty but I’ve been doing divination on M##@%#. I was told by an entity I work with (Belial) that we would eventually meet again. I asked him if we would be friends and he said not quite. I don’t remember how he phrased it though. I think it astounded to “we would know each other again but we wouldn’t be friends” which fuking terrfies me so much regarding that relationship I’m not going to dare ask him to ellabearet. I’m glad he was honest and didn’t lie, not that he had an incentive to.
Upon this divination of my ex-friend whom’s betrayal I am terribly obsessed over everything tells me it will be a random encounter and go pretty sexual? Which is so fuking odd. M##@%# never had any sort of feelings for me. He wasn’t into me. He was into one of my alters (personalities? However you want to phrase it) back when I had a diagnosed case of D.I.D which he also suffers from but that was about as far as it went. Like I said, we’re not diving into the Serenity (said alter) drama. Besides he’s into mutton chopped nerds with fuking flannel, stupid rimmed glasses and shit and I’m not that.
As much as I hate him he was sort of “hot” by other peoples standards but he was so much younger than me I didn’t see him that way. He was 18 while I was 21. That’s not a big age gap but I knew him since he was 16 and I was 19 which puts things into a bit more perspective. God it would be so fuking messed up if we meet again and we fuking hook up or something. It grosses me out just to say that shit. Ew not in a million fuking years. YUCK! I wish I knew why my divination would imply such a thing.
Also according to what I have seen he approached me and my methods while silly at times give me ultra specific results so I know how it will happen and the lines of what he will say to? Which is the weird bit. But everything I look up says that one of us will be insecure cus it will have been years at that point, and then there’s something about someone demanding an apology and something else about things getting pretty sexual.
Fuking weird. Maybe I’m with some girl or something and she’s hitting on me while he is there. Truly that must be it. I don’t even like sex! I’m ASEXUAL. I don’t know how this will be categorized in several years or in different cultures but I don’t find people sexually attractive. One thing I know is that when I go on testosterone this might change. I kind of hope it does. I don’t like my sexuality. I feel like I’m missing out on something really cool and fun that everybody else gets to be apart of. Sex and attraction are things I desire for myself and hate that I don’t experience. But while it’s often debunked as a “myth” testosterone can affect your hormones which can change your sexuality and if that happens I will let you know.
I date everyone cus if I get nothing out of the sex I’m having with someone, and I don’t enjoy looking at people in a sexual manner so why should it fuking matter what gender you are? Also I was talking to one very dark entity some time ago and one of the changes he wanted to make in me was and I quote word for word “you will chase pretty girls” and I was like “good luck getting that to happen buddy” which is not how I responded to him but dam I should’ve. I don’t really care if such a thing occurs. But I really would rather wait until I’m done with my shapeshifting and I’m attractive first. The way I look right now I’m god awful ugly and fat and generally undesirable. I had another entity want to mess with my sex drive and I asked him to wait until I was “attractive first” according to my highly specific divination it will happen. Eventually I will be “hot” or “attractive” and “desirable” but it’s going to take time and I do have to work for it.
I’m 203 pounds right now. With a high pitched voice, man boobs, and short ass hair and a certain level of androgyny looks wise where you can’t fuking tell what gender I am. To some people I look like the epitome of a masculine women within the gay community in my culture. Which is not what I’m going for at all. I have hideous eyebrows and acne. I am plump. I look gross. But you probably could tell that by the pictures I attached. I do have a good face. When I was thinner people did hit on me on occasion or when I put myself out there and I even did modeling as a child. But generally that just doesn’t happen and for obvious reasons. If I’m going to ‘lust after girls’ or whatever that’s fine but please fuking wait until I’m actually decent looking to achieve the desired results.
My divination at the start of the year predicted I would have a lot of sex and a lot of alcohol and neither has really come true so who bloody knows at this point. It also said I would be sad as hell which has been sort of accurate. Anyways I’m going to prep for the ritual tonight. Writing this entry before hand as to not give to much away. I didn’t even mention the white vision. So uh yeah. Goodnight for now.
Journal 29: “To become god is the loneliest achievement of them all” – tumblr user twofingerswhiskey
I don’t know if you’ve noticed but a good fair of the quotes I’ve given you as title entries are really deep but from stupid shit. Or shit not taken seriously in general. Like this quote is from the website Tumblr, and a user’s on it’s mother who had a trippy dream of former United States President Barack Obama. What is irony? Also there’s just something about Obama that when people dream about this man they get fuking wild shit.
One thing that’s been on my mind lately is learning languages. I recently for whatever reason sent my future self about 3 years back to my present self. I wrote a whole song about it. He talked to me about questions I had. For starters he had short hair which was surprising. I think you can be more in tune with shit spiritually if you have long hair. It’s been done for this reason in several cultures. Not to mention having short hair is a gender roles thing. Traditionally long hair was the norm, and short hair was only worn by slaves and the like. I like it when men have long hair and I favor long hair myself. The only reason my hair is even short right now is to look as male as possible.
He also had a deep voice and a tattoo sleeve? He was keeping up with the atheist ruse which I know he won’t do forever do to…meeting other further out versions of him. However his musician friends know he does magick which I found odd. Not the least bit being that I had friends. One thing that shocked me is that he didn’t care what people thought about him. This is a change that when you work with demons will happen at some point. It’s one of the key changes most entities will make in you. Right now that’s just not me at all. Maybe I haven’t been doing this long enough for it to take hold I’m not really sure. Regardless he told me that he spoke several languages. I didn’t ask which ones.
So why do I bring this up? Because I was born with a natural talent for languages. There’s a demon that specializes in teaching people languages. His name is Ronoveve but I’ve never really had to work with him or go to him for any reason because they naturally come so easily to me as it is. The way demons exist they are teachers. Anyone who tells you they aren’t clearly has never worked with them or worked with them fairly little. There’s a reason each demon listed in the lesser keys has something he can teach you. There’s a reason they say “so and so” is skilled at “such and such”. They all have specific shit they are particularly good at.
For example Beelzebub is an entity who is great for getting you that dream job. You want to be a famous rapper, beat mixer, or musician? Go to him. You want to make cars for a living? Go to him. You want to be a CEO or just move up the ranks? Go to him. Belial is really good at the art of law and the like. Let’s say you are in way over your head with a court case. There’s no way in hell you could do it. You’d call him, pay him, and bam you’ll get out of it. Not necessarily scot free or anything, it really depends on the severity of the case. But your charges won’t be what they should’ve been. You will get away with more than you should have. This also helps with criminal investigations if you are in that area.
You want to spend your life traveling? Call on Gaap! You want to meet some famous celebrities or meet this influential person who will help you in this way? Eligos is your man! Generally they are happy to help you granted you pay them for their services and you don’t fuking yell at them or try to command and force them into it. You treat them like noble people and you’ll be fine.
Of course if someone tried to force me to do something for them out of my control I’d try to twist it out of spite I mean wouldn’t you? It’s kind of like when your mom asks you to do the dishes. When you were already planning to. Of course I was going to do them but now that your being a dick about it I’m not. Only in this scenario you are forced to anyways so you break the dishes as a result. They will teach you a lesson with whatever you ask them to do. Demons teach primarily through experience and this isn’t always pleasant I’m not going to lie. They’ll also start to make “plans” for you if they like you and you’ve been working with them long enough.
I once met an idiot who claimed demons were only selfish creatures who only used you to benefit them in some way. That’s partially true. They will help you, but it will benefit them. There shouldn’t be an issue with this. There still helping you and you get whatever you want so I don’t see the issue here. Some people really fuking hate the book and the demons within it without proper reasoning.
Anyways, remember that acting scam I mentioned a couple of times? Well I went to it and I felt really bad upon arrival. I could see all the hopes of the people within the room. The t.v ws playing a movie called “The Greatest Showman” and on it as I walked in the man said “you really don’t care that your scamming people?” Or something along those lines. Obviously I’m paraphrasing. It was my spirits warning me that this was a scam. Which I already knew. I walked in and the agent took a photo and he asked if I had any acting experience. I told him I had been working in the acting industry for several years and I could tell by his body language, not his face that this worried him and he dismissed me.
Not only that but I have connections with acting agencies and places and my mother called a girl who we will call “Ash” that I knew and she said it was a scam. Then my mother asked a kid we know who’s done several films and her mom screeched to get out of there. The mother of this boy is very spiritual and I also think on the psychic side. My mother and I were talking about how I’d had changed over the years earlier. The conversation on this matter was well over by the time she reached the car.
She gave me a big speech about how acting is a business which I already knew. Then she went on about how I shouldn’t let the acting agencies change me. Which again is something I also knew. I’m not at a point right now where I would let an agency play with my image. Not really. But I’ll let demons have their share. Which is not something I was going to say to this woman who’s just trying to help. She told my mom she was going to give her a list of someone for a reel, which is an acting thing where you film a bunch of tiny scenes together in order to show off your shit, and legit agencies which in general I’ve been having a hard time finding.
One thing I’ve noticed is that it’s very very fortunate I was born wanting to be an actor in Georgia of all places. We are easily becoming the number one film industry at the moment and while I want to get out of here I might have to rethink that. Acting isn’t my passion, music is my passion, but I am a better actor than I am a musician. In the same way I am a better writer than I am an actor. (No this journal is only rough drafts, it doesn’t count)
So who knows. I do acting because I genuinely love it. I do music because I enjoy it but want fame. If you want fame don’t even think acting will get you there, I promise you 100% that it will not. Music might if you work your ass of for 5+ years knowing there’s risk it won’t come about. An online presence like with youtube or something definitely will get you there and it’s the easiest way to go about such a thing honestly. Overtime I’ve come to genuinely enjoy music and I love it which hasn’t always been the case. I seriously thought do to my autism I could never achieve it. I was wrong. But still.
Anyways that’s all for now!
- Acrians Locket
Journal 30: Night 5
I’ve been having this daydream lately. My daydreams are mostly fuking fantasies. But, I’ve been having one where I collab with a bunch of famous stars on a mashup for charity. I tune in to twitter that website nobody cares about, and Justin Bieber just announced that very same thing. It has tons of celebrities that are big right now. Not limited to Brendon Urie who (A famous musician at the moment I admire and look up to) is someone I idolize and was in the daydream. Remember what I said about having ideas and other people making the same thing? Yeah, well this was that.
Of course the main difference here being that Justin Beiber as of 2019 when I am writing this is an amazingly huge popstar with connections all across the globe and I am Acrians Locket. A nobody no one cares about who records his music out of his basement. Fancy that. I’m glad the idea got done this time even if I wasn’t the one to reap the benefits (though in my daydream it was for charity mind you) Besides by the time I get huge enough to collab with any of these people it will be several years from now. Beelzebub told me it would take time. So yeah that’s just a fun little thing I thought I would mention here.
I’m happy for them. Can’t wait to see it honestly. Tonight was a mess. F my sisters boyfriend was smoking weed next to me out of his vape. I didn’t think anything of it until he told me it had weed. All night I was fuking paranoid and hearing shit. Drugs and alcohol are cool. But i have several mental conditions that affect me dirley when either are ingested. I become incredibly depressed, and paranoid beyond repair. Tonight I heard someone talk with an accent and became near delusional on the matter. F really should have fuking told me as he was doing it next to me, that it contained weed a mind altering drug. Especially because he knows someone can experience minor effects if they are sitting next to you. He knows it messes with my head and didn’t bother to mention to me he was doing it!
I did television divination (im sorry to say but with enough methodology you can turn anything into divination) and it told me I was going to be in a huge fuking movie this yesr. So that was cool I guess. Anyways, goodnight. Note to self: pennies
Journal 31: Night 6
Again keeping this info to a minimum. Stuff keeps happening but not really going to talk much about it. I was only able to do 15 minutes tonight. I would like to remind you that The Black Man is known for storms and the like, and it started pouring as I was playing. I remember saying I may not be able to stay that long tonight at the start and something said “15 minutes” and I was like “no I usually try to stay longer” then I find myself playing guitar in the rain (terrible for the guitar and may have damaged her permanently mind you) and my mom bitching at me forcing me to leave earlier having me only play for a total you guessed it “15 minutes”. However before that the radio on my phone confirmed to me that he would meet me in person and bestow the skill and while I’m still nervous he won’t to a degree I see no reason not to trust his word.
One odd thing was that I found myself biting my nails till I had none left before the ritual. I bite my nails a lot but I found this and to the degree I did it odd. Both hands are practically nail-less given how much I picked. Also I found myself subconsciously rubbing my guitar playing hand over and over before the ritual began at the sight since I arrive early sometimes a whole hours so. Weird. It could have meaning or I could just be reading to much into shit. I have found that in a lot of ways The Black Man has held my hand during this process. I couldn’t find a location and my mom picks out a construction site. I had read online that you should perform it at an abandoned site or a construction site but didn’t think anything of these instructions and then I am steered in the right direction.
I found myself leaving earlier to begin than needed on impulsive several times and it saved my ass from arriving late or being unable to complete the ritual each time. I found myself checking my phone and calling to make sure of things that later saved my ass again keeping me up to date with the ritual. For example tonight I wasn’t going to go until 11 but something told me go earlier and had I waited a moment later I may not have been able to go at all. I also keep seeing white mist around several objects. I know it’s in my head but I think it’s me picking up on the spirit. Several times I saw figures during the ritual that were black that I knew were hallucinations but I knew were given to me for a reason. I also saw this white figure surrounding my guitar and my hands several times during the nights. One time after The Black Man visited my in my dreams I woke up and my vision was clouded with this sort of white. That’s how I know it’s him.
The only strange thing is overall I haven’t really been scared. Outside of last night when I was mildly buzzed from weed I haven’t really been all that scared. I understand how a lot of what I have seen would terrify a christian, ie, clothes marked 666, several terrifying faces in the clouds, devil imagery everywhere, hallucinations, references to selling your soul and dying over and over again everywhere I look. But these things don’t really scare me? I mentioned off hand I was afraid of police and heard several police sirens and this happened each time I mentioned being afraid of something but outside a few shocks at the start nothing’s really frightened me you could say. Not overall besides a few certain days at the start.
It also might be Belzebub. One of the changes that has been made to me very early on in my working with him is that I used to be afraid of my own shadow and now nothing really phases me. I asked all the spirits I work with not to interfere with this ritual so it’s not like anyone is keeping fear away. It’s just more so it was something the demons changed about me early on. So it might just be me, or the fact that I didn’t go into this expecting to be scared (I mean you’ve read it, you know I had my moments) but I haven’t really been throughout this whole process and I feel that need mention. He’s (The Black Man) definitely been there each night. I can see him in the shadows of things, the figures take his form and in the clouds and I feel his presence and he even visited me in my dreams as we covered earlier. So he’s definitely present during the ritual and I even see people with dark clothes or animals with dark tones. So he’s clearly paying attention and clearly there. It’s just that fear isn’t really a factor for me as of the moment.
In other news I’m in the process of scheduling my first medicine appointment and filling out the paperwork for the singing competition. Also I checked out that thing Justin Bieber posted about (apparently he was a guest and not the maker of it) and it was so fuking stupid. It matched my ideas in a lot of ways, even had animation which I failed to mention. But “Earth” by Lil Dicky is just so bad I’m like “okay my idea way way better” even if my idea was a mashup. Tomorrow I will keep things as brief as possible stating whether it worked or not and let you draw upon your own conclusions from there. Goodnight.
- Acrians Locket
Journal 32: Night 7
Tonight’s the night!!!
- 9:32 PM
Journal 33: “Friends on the Other Side (Disney Villain Mash-Up) ||| Thomas Sanders”
Please check out the song for this title it’s so fuking good and sums up my mood perfectly. Anyways he didn’t manifest physically last night. But he was there. His presence was the strongest it had been before previously. That being said I still think he agreed to bestow upon me the skill? Not only did I see the white mist going in and out of my guitar but several times I saw black hands, black as in the color not the skin tone, on mine as I was playing. I woke up obsessed with the guitar and now when I play music I hear it more pronounced. Something keeps telling me the ritual isn’t over but I could swear it is since I only decided to go for 7 days. I just hope if he wants me to go for 9 he communicates it to me. I’ll mark my progress on the guitar here and there, starting at this point on the guitar.
I’m really happy. I remember telling myself recently I was hoping to play some sort of religious figure acting wise. Recently an opportunity that’s coming up rather fast to play Jesus in Jesus Christ SuperStar. The only issue is you have to be really good at guitar. But his vocal range is my vocal range b2-b4, the only issue is I look nothing like the man and I’m not sure he would approve. I like Jesus I think the guy was a good teacher who really was divine in some regard. I also think he was ahead of his time and his story is an interesting one. I just hate the dude’s fanclub.
But I doubt I’ll get should I even decide to show up so it’s honestly whatever. I don’t even look the part but it doesn’t hurt to try. Regardless that’s a thing. My brother, shit I mean F my sister’s boyfriend and his nephew are playing sports on the t.v but otherwise I would be playing guitar right now. I’ll play it later today.
Anyways I’m going through some stuff with the entities I work with right now so I have a lot of questions so I’m probably going to evoke Belzebub this Wednesday. Anyways that’s that. See you.
- Acrians Locket
Journal 34: “Holding On To You ||| Twenty One Pilots”
So one thing I haven’t really told you is that I’ve continued to do The Black Man ritual because I felt something telling me to and my signs correlated with this. Tonight’s the final and 9th night. I also forgot to mention that I did feel a presence early on telling me he wouldn’t physically manifest but I didn’t trust the spirit so I failed to write it down. Usually if things aren’t important I don’t write them down but they then end up later being important thus causing you journal to miss some key information. One thing that’s really weird is that I’m working with Belzebub about a certain goal I won’t mention here.
I keep the info on our workings to a minimum since he doesn’t like it. But I need to write this down or else I’ll forget. Before I was hesitant but agreed to help with the goal now I find myself oddly excited about this? Like I want to do this and I’m excited for what will happen when it occurs. Which is totally alien and not something I would ever usually feel without a spirit making me. Just thought I’d mention it. I still have to call him this wednesday. So far for the tatoo I’ve saved up about 26 dollars. I did some dog walking for my mom and withdrew 20$ from my account which I’ll bother to explain later to her shall she ask. I’m sure she knows.
Also I’ve come to realize my sisters boyfriend F staying with us is really fuking toxic. He controls who my sister sees and when she sees them. He doesn’t let her interact with other men. He only lets her interact with women he approves of. He cuts himself and tells her it’s her fault that he does it and that every new scar should be guilt on her mind. He’s guilt tripped her saying he wanted to commit suicide before. He does drugs, specifically weed around my dog and doesn’t let people know when he’s doing it. This could hurt my dog major but he just doesn’t fuking care. He attacks me personally over little shit. He gaslights my sister. My mother has a huge issue with it. He drinks underage which yeah I get that all teenagers do that but not in my moms house with his fuking friends when it’s against her rules. I simply asked if I could turn down the television today and he started screaming at the top of his lungs at me and making snide comments in the same tone for the rest of the day.
I’ve thought about banishing him from our lives before. But I always went against it because it was in the heat of anger. However I’m fairly calm as of the moment. I’ve realized he is rather toxic and I’d rather have no company than bad company. Especially company that threatens to expose my magickal workings whenever he is angered. Which is also frequent. So I’m going to banish F. It’s going to be messy. I can see that right now. But it’s for the best. My codependent sister is going to be so hurt. I only hope that he doesn’t get killed in the process. Regardless he’s a burden I can’t reason with so he’s got to go.
I’ll let you know how things go.
- Acrians Locket
Journal 35: “You’re not an edgy anime character. You aren’t going to magically find positive people by being so negative! Sasuke is lucky to have Naruto but you aren’t Sasuke!” – Twitter User Palwasha
So I’m still looking into rituals to banish F.I completed the Black Man Ritual last night. I can feel the spirit around me when I write about the ritual or think about playing my guitar. Also I pissed off Belial…..some how. He expressed to me last night that he was furious and wanted to end our pact. This caught me off guard for a variety of reasons. From my perspective it came out of nowhere. Like….what did I do? My first thought was that it was do to The Crossroads ritual. Because I had gotten the vibe one or two times through it that Belzebub didn’t want me doing it. I figured that since the ritual was time sensitive
I would complete it and if issues arose I would call Belzebub and take whatever action he asked of me.
But now Belial is pissed off. I was talking to him last night and he told me that he wanted me to worship him as god. I told him no. He was like “I want you to bow down” and I was like “I am God I will not bow down” and we went back and forth for a bit. But he also still prefaced this by telling me he no longer wanted to work with me. Then he held the fact that I promised him “control” over my fuking head. I was like “people have limits, and while you have control in every other aspect of my life and I respect you very much this is a boundary” he didn’t take the hint. I have to call him either today or tomorrow. Preferably after F. goes to work. If F. goes to work. F. is giving me the cold shoulder out of fuking nowhere and I’m constantly reminded that I need to banish the guy from my home. I did have an idea that while I was doing the ritual of a pentagram to see if I could banish him in the process. We will see. All I no is I can’t do the evocation while he is here the fuking asshole.
He mentioned respect being a factor. I was outside waiting for some food to be delivered and talking to him (belial). He was like “I’m angry!” and I was like “what did I do?” and he was like “You know what you did” and I was like “if i knew what I did I wouldn’t have asked you what did I do?” all I know is he’s fuking angry so I got to call him later. He wanted to continue the conversation right then and there but I had food to eat and I couldn’t hear him. I made it clear we would discuss shit in the evocation. So that’s that. I’m paranoid and stressed and may have lost one of the best arrangements that I have had. Ugh.
- Acrians Locket
“In the first dream I was walking around. I don’t remember how but I met my childhood friend tess. Eventually towards the end of the first dream I ran into my old friend Ethan. We went to Hebrew School together. My parents never called it “jewish” school or “religious” school it was only ever “Hebrew school” despite my sister and I being some of the only kids who didn’t speak the language. It was assumed we would know it. We didn’t. Anyways ethan is still 14 in the dream. He hasn’t aged. Likewise tess was still 7. Ethan looks at me. “So what’s your name?” and I smile at him and say “It’s not like we’re ever going to see each other again” and I walk off.
Third dream since I can’t remember the second. There are these new futuristic pools. They are filled with some sort of drug that’s supposed to let you daydream idk. There’s two halves of the pool that you can go swimming in. The pink side is the safe side, and the blue side is infected. I remember trying to warn people the pools were infected with a virus but everyone kept assuring me that the pink side was safe. The pink side wasn’t safe. People kept going into the pink side, and coming out electric and horny. Distorted versions of they used to be. I dive in somehow immune. I come out shirtless with blonde spiky hair but otherwise sane. I end the dream somehow trying to fix it.
Last dream is really fuking weird. I’m meeting my cousins, Jack, Max, and Austin at a family get together I didn’t want to go to. We’re in a restaurant and headed off to China. My grandfather gives me womens shoes. I remember upon arriving on the plane everyone is split into male and female. Despite all my paperwork saying male they try to force me with the women. Putting me in womens clothes. I feel betrayed and angry at my grandfather (who In real life is super supportive of me by the way) I escape and end up hiding in a hotel sweet closet at the vicinity. In the closet I eat food, am topless with a shirt jacket (but I have a flat chest somehow), and watch t.v. An employee comes in and starts cleaning the room seeing how I trashed it. I’m hiding from inside the closet. He approaches the door and then in a moment of suspense backs away. He continues cleaning. He leaves and I feel relieved. Then he comes back for a moment and says “by the way if anyone is in here….I suggest you leave” and then he closes the door. I wait a while and compose myself then I escape the hotel.
I consider turning myself in. Then a girl approaches me. She’s white for some reason. She smiles and points to a glowing green cottage/house on the street. She offers me “asylum” she tells me there’s no catch I just have to go to a special school and be tested. Then the path is full of special rocks each containing an animal in a pattern. I worry about the legal ramifications of this but am not about to question a good thing. She tells me to pick one. I start jumping from rock to rock on the path. I forget which one I picked. Once their everyone turns into their chosen animal. My grandfather is there and he is a turtle. He assumes everything is totally chill. Oh yeah I remember now I chose the rabbit. Anyways, I meet the head of the school and he shows me to several rooms where people are being tortured by their animals or made uncomfortable by them. One room had a guy with a blue octopus on his face and swarming him.
The man told me that not everyone is turned into their animals. And then I woke up.”
Journal 36: “Dear Doppelganger, 拝啓ドッペルゲンガー ||| KEMU VOXX”
Let’s just start off with some weird shit. I’ve been getting signs that I will stumble across my doppelganger soon or at least at some point in the future. Every ounce of divination I have gotten tells me he will know me very well and will mean me harm. Every ounce of every mythology that I can find indicates that he will be malicious. They all warn me not to talk to him. I was doing divination on the television. A show called about spirits came on.The context doesn’t really matter I suppose. But the scene in question had our protagonist talking to a handsome man, and him telling her to come with him and that them meeting was no accident. It also took place at a party or something like that? Which my instinct tells me is a possible way he and I will meet.
I want to be clear. I know my future. Very well. I know way to much about it then a person should. Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back after all. I know alot about my future. I know at one point I will get into politics. That my world will be split for some god awful reason and thus the doppelganger will arise. For all I know he could be my future. Not that I would believe that. I will achieve fame but my reputation will be ruined. When I do meet my heros as a result of this fame some of them will hate me. I also know which ones. I know at one point I will have a human teacher. He will be male probably a math professor or maybe a tutor or something of the sort and we will sleep together.
I know one day I’m going to be gorgeous and attractive. I know one day I will publicly come out (probably at the end of this year actually despite me trying to avoid this at all costs). I know one day I won’t give two shits what people think about me. I know one day I’ll be rather skilled at magick itself. I know one of my heroes will refuse to collaborate with me. I know I will have long hair at some point. I know I’m going to be exposed for something publically. I’m going to work on some sort of anime. I will be fluent in several languages. I will gain support of a former president for something. I will take some sort of office. Someone in my family is going to die. Someone close to me is also going to die (this year actually). I will end up in the hospital again. All of this has been revealed to me in several ways. Some via divination, some via messages, and some in random visions I can not explain to you.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg. The point of the matter is eventually I will meet my doppelganger. He will claim he is my future self. He will try to mess with my head. I will admire him. He will taunt me in a way. This is so far off in the future i don’t have to worry. I was focusing on his energy and it wasn’t malicious. In fact I felt him offended that I would find him malicious. But everything in my divination says be careful. I could tell he was observing me now. He will bring up the subject of payment though for what I am unaware. He will mention a few things to me. I just hope there’s a witness there. Or many people when he appears. Just for safety reasons. I can’t imagine talking to him willingly otherwise. I don’t care if he wants to be alone with me as long as we meet in some sort of public area. He may even invite me out to dinner who knows certainly not I? But everything points to us communicating yes.
In other news I tricked my mom into buying the proper spices today. I have everything for the banishing ritual except for “sulfur”. I had her buy some extra ingredients such as tomato paste and chicken breast. I made up a lie about my friend Sandia, eating curry and wanting to try it after she gave me the recipe. Since Sandia is Indian my mom bought it. Also earlier an entity had her reach out to me, and I blew her off on the matter. Which sucks cus now she’s heading to India and I probably won’t ever be able to see her in person again. This always happens. It’s a pattern. Whenever I get attached to a female friend they always end up moving to another country. Seriously it’s happened so many times that it is beyond conicadnece and very strange. My old friend Cara went to China for the summer to visit family. Then she ended up moving to Canada. She was canadian in the first place but still? I never got to see her again. My best friend Amon from boarding school went back to Pakistan. My friend Percilla went to Hong Kong. My friend Anya moved to Russia. Why is this a thing?????
That being said I should probably approach Snow, and Cara. The only downside is that this means I’ll have to reactivate my old account in order to approach them. Yuck! Snow was an old friend of mine. He was never really interested in a friendship with me to be honest. I feel like he only put up with me because we had mutual friends who all hate me and are gone now. It was from my madness phase which I am now over. I think one of those consequences of that ritual was losing all my friends. Causing me to cherish friendship more than anything in this life after. Snow also moved. Granted, to a different state but still. I wonder if he’d put up with me?
Anyways that’s all for now!
- Acrians Locket
Journal 37: “No one will know the violence it took to become this gentle.” – Tumblr User retroowl8
So I did both an evocation of Belial and Beelzebub today. They mentioned similar things to me. That being said they are the same entity but also not at all. Beelzebub is far more casual then Belial for start. Belial can be serious in comparison to Belzebub. They both mentioned respect to me, which granted is something I asked Belzebub about do to the previous conversation, was along the same lines. Almost exactly in a way. To my understanding they have the same goals and desires but go about achieving these results differently.
Beelzebub is easily my favorite entity that I work with by a long shot. I really really like him. I think super highly of him but I don’t mention my thoughts like these often because I don’t want him to think I’m brownnosing. Which some magicians do to entities. Some entities do this to magicians as well. That being said he is kind and he is wonderful. I remember not being able to fully hear him and he gave me an idea or a vibe of what he was trying to say which was useful.
I noticed that the incense swirls to where the entity is and if you gaze, gaze not stare, at it that you can see them or their image within it. Almost like a painted outline or an invisible image, an image making its way via smoke if you will. It’s hard to explain but if you dabble in this stuff you’ll know what I’m talking about. One thing I noticed is while I was cooking myself a piza today is that I had a papercut. I was doing a banishing ritual for F I found online. The ritual requires as originally presented a box with a picture of the person, I can draw okay-ish so I did that bit. Then you fill the box with “ingredients: asafoetida, chilli, hot foot powder, sulphur, dried blood” I didn’t have any of this so here’s what I did.
I did a jar with it. I filled it with garlic cloves, mustard, chili powder, lemon juice, black pepper, sea salt, garlic powder, and that was it. I asked my mom to get asafoetida but she didn’t presumably cus she coudn’t find it. I also didn’t know where to find sulfur. I don’t know if it will work. You really shouldn’t tweak someone else’s spell if you don’t know what your doing. That being said, I do not know what I’m doing. I have basic concepts of what each of these spices do so I threw them together. I considered using urine as well but went against it. I took the jar I filled these things with and threw it in my backyard imaging F leaving.
Black pepper and salt are often used in foot powder as well as chili powder so that’s why I threw them in there to get a sort of similar effect. Garlic can be used to ward off interest and protect you. As I used each ingredient I imagined something leading up to F leaving my house. First I imagined him crossing some sort of line in front of my mother. Then I imagined him breaking up with my sister. Then I imagined my mom forcing him to leave. I imagined him and focused on him being “gone for good” While doing these things the fantasy of being exposed for my magick popped into my head and while vivid I quickly got rid of it. As I was wrapping up, some of the lemon juice spilt on to my papercut but failed to sting or hurt. This meant something but what I cannot tell you.
Also I’ve been getting signs from Dionisis lately. As well as Ronove. Why does this matter? Well I’m working on a project with my friends where both are characters. Not only that but I felt ronoveve wanted to work with me while Dionysus was expressing genuine interest. Dionysus is one of my favorite gods. He’s the life of a party. Literally. I love him he’s wonderful. That being said I’m only trying to work with BZB right now. But I’ll take note of them for later.
One thing I failed to mention is that I did 2 evocations in a row today and failed to be exhausted. Beforehand I prepped by going out into my backyard and asking a tree for it’s energy. As a child I often talked to trees and clouds. Spiritually. I would place my hand on them and communicate. We had a couple conversations. I went to my backyard and even though it has been years place my hand on the tree. I felt the energy swirling inside it moving and sucked it into myself. I also used to be a psychic vampire so it wasn’t as if the issue of stealing someone else energy was foreign to me. I was cured of my vampirism via divine intervention and honestly I really don’t want to talk about it. That being said cured or not I still retain the ability to do this.
So I’m feeling hyper and energized as ever despite performing two evocations and divination today. I often have this habit of where I will do divination so much that it exhausts me. I’ve done tarot so many times in a row that I had to sleep. I also got clarification on the black man thing. Beelzebub wasn’t happy about it but he told me we could work around it. The reason he was unhappy could be summed up as “a conflict of interest”. I told him before I approached another spirit or went about a ritual like that again, I would talk to him first.
I also noticed something. Leading up to the ritual of banishing F. the universe seemed to align the perfect circumstances for me to banish him. Like my mother mentioned off handedly that if it ever came to it she would pick me over F. So things just seem to be aligning. Within a week if he isn’t gone I’m going to do the ritual as this lady originally said to.
I’ve been looking for excuses to practise baneful magick but always stopped myself because I have a conscious and no one that i hate. Then he wakes up one day doing a total 180 hating my guts. I’m not gona hurt him or kill him or anything. I just want him out of my house and need an excuse so here I am taking supernatural action. Speaking of which he didn’t come home last night and it was nice.
Anyways I’m going to put that out of my mind. That’s all for now. YOLO.
- Acrians Locket
Journal 38: “Demiurg (2016) – Mariusz Lewandowski”
The title to this entry is a painting. I only mention it because it might otherwise be hard to track down. It’s gorges. I want it. Can’t afford it. But it’s beautiful. But anyways on with my delusions! I’m joking. I recently stumbled upon an English version of a Japanese song titled “Alice of Human Sacrifice” I see myself in this song. It’s really fuking weird. Especially because it mentions him (kaito, the blue singer) killing himself. Plus he has a tattoo (as everyone else in this song) on his hand in the same place I have mine. They say he “spreads evil with his voice” via english version which could be a misinterpretation to what I do. Spirits use me to get their message across via my music. Plus I’ve been known to go mad in the past. Like I said before I know my future, and that is how I die. I die one of three ways. 1. I am murdered, 2. I kill myself, or 3 I have a heart attack. I don’t know just thought I’d share.
In one version of the song he kills himself, in another he is murdered. Madness causes both. If you are reading this after my death well good on you. Maybe I was right. Or perhaps not. Could be an illusion. After all it was just a ritual to push my spirit my being on this shit a long ass time ago. I’m only just now finidng this fuking song. Which is weird cus it’s one of the most well known ones. So I could be making up the results for all I know. Not to mention I have a song that an entity named and channeled through me with Alice in the title years ago. But again who knows.
In other news I find that I really hate trans guys all of a sudden? I don’t see them as valid. I see them as fake and I found the thought “just because you say you are something doesn’t make you that thing” popping up in my head a lot. This is very strange. It is strange of my experiences with gender personally. Why would I hate transgender people? Why would I see a group of people who I have so much in common with, and am apart of as fake? What the fuck. My own perception of my gender hasn’t changed. I’ve found as of late I’m far more conforming to masculine ideals and roles. I’m kinda starting to see gender roles as a good thing in a lot of ways. I see masculinity as good in a lot of regards and am starting to see femininity as weak or bad. Which is bogus and garbage and I have no idea why this is happening.
I have a hypothesis. I am working with a spirit to make me more masculine and I think this may be a side effect of how he is changing me. But it’s so fuking strange. I’ve never been one to be mean to people do to their identity. I never discriminate based on that sort of thing. While I don’t like people knowing about my experiences with my own identity on the matter I don’t usually look down on transgender people. I don’t tolerate toxic masculinity. So the fact that suddenly I’m okay with gender roles, think it’s just how things are and should be is odd, and on top of that invalidating transgender people is super weird.
I mean I don’t really take issue with any of this. It’s very different to how I thought of things before, but honestly if it’s apart of what we agreed it’s apart of it. I’m going to try to embrace whatever changes come along with this but I’ll still do my best not to be an ass about it. That being said, I wanted to just jot this down. Also side note: one entity wanted to make me “lust after pretty women” which I think I’ve mentioned once or twice here. I told him it was fine but to wait until I’m attractive first, which do to my divination I know will eventually happen. I heard him excitedly say “it’s a deal!” and I was stone face going “okay”.
I also decided I want to make a revised version of this journal at some point, This journal in it’s original form is very personal. It talks about my sxuality, my politics, my beliefs. A revised version would alter the text minorly and omit these parts of the passages. Just to make it more accessible and far less alienating to the average reader. Still debating if I’ll remove that whole entry about “NAZIS ARE BAD” because no matter the version of this book that’s out there I want it known I hate nazis. But you get the idea.
Anyways that’s all for now just needed to get these thoughts down! Alrighty.
- Acrians Locket
Journal 39 “Dead Hearts ||| Starz”
I don’t know where to start with this one so let’s just start off with my becoming more masculine. I want to be clear this isn’t a weird fetish or sexual, or even power thing. It’s just how I see myself.Therefor I want to be that entirely. Okay so regarding the masculinizing thing. I recently expressed how I do find some ties to masculinity and heterosexuality. I then remarked to myself this was strange because my sexual orientation hadn’t changed and that even though I know this is backwards I just have certain biases ingrained in me via my culture. I then heard an entity when recalling this say to me “the idea of being attracted to men will disgust you” and I was like “good luck”. I do have a strong preference for men when dating and most of my ideas of enjoyment come from around that angle.
Anyways I’ve brought this up once or twice. But a while ago I founded a religion. I remember making up a strategic lie to my mother about doing this to “fool people” so she would stop pushing idiotic questions and “devils language” on it to me. The religion was called Genwa. It just talks about gods and their stories and as of the moment there’s not much more to it than that. I don’t really agree with a lot of the religions views on gender or sexuality. That being said I had to put it in there because I channeled this crap and my thoughts don’t fuking matter. I bring up the god Occeair on the topic.
Regarding Occeair and the religion of Genwa as a whole at the moment it’s not something I’m really trying to spread. It was something I channeled that at one point I thought I made up, that turned out to be true. The gods of Genwa were very coarse with me regarding certain matters I can’t divulge here. One thing is that whenever I am looking into the ocean god Oceair, the roman god Neptune and on occasion the Greek God Poseidon comes up alot. I’m sure these are not the same entity. Occeair is an entity originally born of a female presence that was later turned into a male one. There’s a whole story about it. Neptune is not. Occeair reincarnates as a human. Neptune does not. The gods of Genwa (jen-wah) are not a plaything.
They are real entities whom came into contact with me via my operations in the occult. I’ve noticed Occeair often sends his Robin Noco to spy on me. I love Noco because who doesn’t but it’s irritating. Not because I don’t love Noco but because I would prefer Occeair talk to me himself. He should be keeping an eye on Occeair not me! That being said I don’t know if Occeair is currently in his human cycle right now. He hasn’t communed with me that he is. He also appears to me as a handsome man with wings and brown hair often. Wings via my interpretation are something I just don’t understand. I know Occeair has them or at least appears to me specifically with them. Ugh I feel him trying to correct these entries as I’m writing and it’s frustrating. The gods of Genwa care quite a bit about what you write about them.
Most pantheons don’t but they do and I feel him making me rewrite these passages as I’m trying to tell you about it. Anyways back to the point something about Occeair that you won’t find in any official writings is that in each incarnation he is murdered young. That’s just something that often happens to him. I would say under 50. Maybe in his thirties, I don’t know the exact age. I once got a vision of him being murdered with some kind of scar as apart of it. It broke as a news story in the vision do to him being a well known person in this specific incarnation. I don’t actually know I only got bits and pieces. Occeair likes to give people visions. It’s his trademark in a lot of ways. But back to the point I just know Occeair the god often dies young (young adult not a teenager or child) and he dies via murder in each life.
Also in accordance with Noco’s visits I have learned that Noco is a red robin. He often parks by the window to observe me. Which is not what I expected but that’s chill. One thing about Genwa is everything the gods have told me, as well as everything I have divined tells me that this religion will only bring me great pain. The gods are real. During my short break from the left handed path I worshiped Bairtaste and found myself pushed to grow my hair out, wear makeup, and take care of my appearance. Which I could tell was his influence. I eventually stopped and went back to the left handed path but I was seeing to many signs for there not to be something to it. Also before you say anything these are not tuplas. I can tell.
The gods and religion of Genwa are/is real. That being said, if I pursue such a thing there will be major problems as a result of it. I worry. I really do. Therefor on account of these worries, I have done my best to avoid and pursue it. The website is up. I used to have a secret twitter account titled “Closetoccultist” that an entity I was working with forced me to delete doing to it disclosing information about our operations together he didn’t want out there. I talked about Genwa in great detail there. Occeair came to me pissed I deleted it because in his own words “I deleted his essence and presence” in alot of ways which I do not fully understand. After all I hardly had any sort of following.
That being said it was whatever. Occeair is often melodramatic and a bit of a drama king. I love him but he is.
On the topic of social media, I was on my blog. An entity was pushing me not to keep it. I told him I need it as apart of my coping skills. It mostly just showcases my divination right now. Funny enough there’s actually a post on there that talks about my 2019 divination. Yes before you say anything I know this book is really old. So far everything that divination has predicted has gone through even though I did it via the art of shufflemancy. Who knows it might be worth something to cross check these entries if you’re into that sort of thing or are curious about it’s validity as divination. The reason I bring up my blog at all is simply because this entity was telling me not to talk about my magick publically. I told him it was anonymous so it didn’t matter. Nobody knows I (#####) am Acrians Locket. He told me “they will” and that’s you know, ominous.
It’s something that’s been conveyed to me before on multiple occasions. Eventually people will know it’s me, yada yada yada. I get it. But we’re not there yet, we won’t be there for many years. I keep getting signs that something is going to happen *tomorrow* what? I do not know. Also completely unrelated but I want to start a tangent about F.
You know how I mentioned I have this talent for looking at something and instantly telling if magick was involved? Well I’ve been thinking about F. suddenly hating me out of nowhere and I can see magickal imprints. He just hates me for no reason. I can tell specifically an entity is involved but for the life of me I have no idea who or why. We have to many parasites in my home. He smokes weed and they are drawn to it for some reason. I have no idea why but whenever he smokes it attracts spirits. As someone who has a parasite issue I have told him this was an issue but he brushed me off. He brushed me off when I had a negative reaction to his weed and it messed with my mental issues causing danger for me, he brushed me off when I told him and his friends not to party in my house while my mom was away, he brushed me off when I told him not to do drugs (that could kill or injure) my dog around my dog. He does not give any care about anyone but himself. I’m honestly surprised it took me this long to notice. Then again the guy is named after a pasta dish.
Oh and he also holds the fact that I do magick (which is an assumption he has no evidence of) over my head as blackmail now frequently. Yeah. My banishing spell didn’t work so I’m going to follow it to a T. and do it right this time. Also going to start with more traditional magick. Even if it involves christian hymns, as well as ritual baths. I’ll figure it out.
- Acrians Locket
Journal 40: Fresh Eyes ||| Andy Grammer
So I’m trying to make this quick. First I have two logs of my dreams. I’m going to present them to you and then I am going give minor commentary. I’m not altering what I originally wrote here but I may provide proper context after each entry. I apologize if they are in any way incoherent.
“I had a strange dream. Today in real life I had gone for my first Appointment. This was just my appointment to get the letter to get the perscription.in my dream this action that occured today was a magickal operation. I was trying to explain it to someone using my conjuring codex. I was insistent it was a left handed operation despite it actually being a right handed one. I was trying to convince this person who may have been myself, it was magickal, (which in the dream it was) but I was forcing a left handed perception upon it because that was what I did. Then I started reflecting in the dream, upon how the magick of it had gone over my head. I pointed out everything magickal about it, for what I can’t place or remember upon waking up. In real life one thing I noticed is that during the action event Beelzebub was there. His signs were throughout the waiting room. Down to a fly visiting us per my talking with the doctor. To the environment. He visited on his own without my prompting. As I was outside waiting an hour for my mom to pick me up I heard the wind laughing at me as a branch fell in front of me. I think this may have impacted why I had this dream. Also, I saw several flocks of black birds flying above me that day. I think it was a sign. I felt myself getting messages for the right path within the day. Overall it was a strange dream caused by a strange day.”
Basically I went for my medical appointment. Then I had a dream recontextualising the event. In real life I was receiving signs from Beelzebub. In Fact there was even a truck with the term “dream” that passed me by in this real world event. Later that night I dreamt the whole thing in a flashback pointing out all the magick I had missed that had to do with this appointment. I was using my book “The conjuring codex” to explain everything to someone. However, upon waking up I forgot what the dream revealed to me about the event. In my dream going to get this medicine was itself magickal and the beginning of something magickal. It was apart of something. Some sort of operation or spell or ritual. I just wasn’t aware as it was happening. Then I woke up. I woke up at ten 0 clock then I went back to sleep and dreamt the following dream.
“I had a really strange dream. It was fuking werid. Ok so i don’t remember most of it. Besides me being at my grandparents for the holidays. My brother J. Was there. It might have been something Hanukkah related. I remember instantly that my brother had a spirit with him I recall it being Odin. I could tell by his shadow. I chose not to address it. Also before you ask it wasn’t actually Odin visiting me via my dream. If so I would’ve felt different. I remember my brother took issue with the gathering for the holiday. He was stern and said today was a day for the dead and they should be honored and not to engage. I remember receiving a gift and J telling me not to take it. I remember bitching at him telling him I couldn’t refuse it because “The world doesn’t stop for (J. Last name) I opened the gift and it was a list of events. Belial’s name was there. The list was written kind of dark and almost sexual. One of the things said Belial would see me with fresh eyes soon and there would be new boundaries established. There was also an implication of him giving me special attention. I was worried in the dream about this. I didn’t want to change how he saw me. I accepted it anyways and told myself I’d worry about it later. This was all done via changing my eyes and or possibly appearance. There was a bit about an almost sexual “rp” about hypnotizing someone else in there and using them as a plaything. Not me. Someone else. But he was also brought up regarding it. Which yeah I have a hypnosis fetish. It’s not something I talk alot about because its persona, I’m not proud of it and its gross.
Anyways I woke up and my first thought was “that was a message from Belial. He needs to set boundaries with me” which is understandable. It was kind of a weird dream to go about it. What with my brother having Odin’s shadow and all. But it was weird. That being said I feel terrible with how things have been going between belial and me lately. My intrusive thoughts tried to force him into the triangle via evocation. He complied. I was trying not to think that. My brain just thinks thoughts I can’t control and they were commanding in tone this time. The triangle per my operations is just a seat for the spirit. While I’ve been having anxiety over reading about it lately it’s usually not something I force on an entity. But my brain is stupid and I felt bad. Per my last encounter he told me our agreement was still on but that I needed to show him respect. Which startled me in a lot of ways because up until this point I thought I’d had. He told me he wasn’t my dog or slave in the ritual and I was again caught off guard because I had never intended to treat him that way. I care about our relationship I nearly broke down crying thinking he wanted to end it and I try not to treat people or spirits like that. I have no idea how I came across that way. I feel terrible.
Also in the dream special intention had a somewhat sexual connotation but upon waking up I know I was just honry af in the dream and that it wasn’t meant that way. Fun fact for some god awful reason this seems to be a theme whenever my dreams involve Odin. There’s always something sexual going on which makes me uncomfortable because I really like Odin amd don’t wanna come across as creepy. Luckily in most dreams I’m always able to identify him. Therefor I can usually stop such before it becomes embarrassing. He has visited me in my dreams before. Normally not as a spirit though like this time. Why would my brother have his shadow…
Anyways that was the dream. I’ll see whatever boundaries Belial sets on. I feel bad that I pushed him into needing them. I remember recently Belzebub told me I was a little to attached to him. That’s….true. he told me he needed some distance and I got that. I get attached to my spirits very easily. Im the same way with people. This might have something to do with it but overall I don’t know. Anyways. Yeah.“
So the weird thing about this is later that day I went to my brothers house. My family out of nowhere invited me to go with them to see my brother. My brother is someone who is fairly busy, he goes to school, he has a daughter, and he works an excruciating shift. He doesn’t have much of a personal life let alone one I can be apart of. Seeing this as my opportunity I jumped at the chance to see him not even taking the dream into account. We made music together and his friend visited which was nice. He complimented my voice which was good. Upon entering my brothers home there was a painting of a raven. That was odd. I left when they started smoking weed. That wasn’t something I wanted to be apart of and I used it as my excuse to leave given I was tired. I pretended to be uncomfortable when I wasn’t so I could escape the social situation.
One thing I found is that my mother went out of her way to buy me new clothes. Two pairs of shorts. It might be apart of the clothes thing but I don’t know. Normally when the clothes thing happens it’s always two items, sometimes four or another even number. I’ve also received a lot of signs correlating to my “birthday” lately. I don’t know what they mean beyond spiritual progression of some sort. I still keep seeing “X”’s everywhere and god am I hoping that it’s not some sort of parasite thing. I know sometimes when people are marked by parasites they have an “X” above their head that tells no spirits to help them and other spirits to attack them
Also i received a sign via my Japanese lesson today that said “When I see you next, we won’t have time for talking” upon doing further divination it appeared it was about vikings. My thoughts went to Odin. The thing is he hasn’t visited me in a long time and I haven’t been expecting it. Normally though he doesn’t chit chat. I’ve met entities I’ve talked to in depth about magick while they were in disguise. I remember not catching on and offering to teach the man magick and what I knew and he laughed saying exactly “I’m self taught”.
Fancy that me offering to teach a god magick. Funny my stupidity. Anyways though. Odin’s never been one to chit chat with me. He’s always been able to understand my madness and what I was trying to communicate to him via it. However there have been times where I met him in disguise (which I have not divulged here) and the encounters were fairly brief. We said hi and spoke some and then he was always rushed out by another party.
So I mean I get it. Anyways, that’s all for now. I can’t stop having flashbacks to when I was crazy and honestly I think it’s a PTSD thing. Also here’s an antidote I don’t know where to fit in from earlier that I never properly recorded.
“I remember last night I was channel surfing and a show can on the t.v. A girl was proposing to a guy and I thought instantly “no that’s wrong. The guy should ask” and then I was like “oh that’s new” I don’t really take issue with these new thoughts. Embracing gender roles. In a weird way I’m kinda excited about it? It’s odd.”
So that’s a thing. I also caught myself thinking men were physically superior to women the other day. Yeahhhh we’re gona note it and not discuss it beyond that. Oh one more thing! Belzebub and Belial have been hanging out with me constantly. Even in matters that don’t affect them. I find it very strange and a bit odd. But it’s fairly welcome. I remember the thought popping into my brain earlier today “Never work with a demon you’re not comfortable becoming a bit like” and that was odd. Anyways yeah that’s all.
- Acrians Locket
Journal 41: “Takato Yamamoto, The Annunciation”
Not much to write today. Just that F. told me he has a new birthmark that he never had before that not even my sister could identify. I wasn’t imagining the birthmarks thing. Not only did I discover I had new birthmarks but so did F. Presumably so does everyone else in my household. Anyways I still keep getting doppelganger imagery via signs. I find it frustrating and odd. I know when I meet him something terrible is going to come directly after. I know at some point in the future I will be homeless and I worry that it might be intertwined. Remind me to tell you about my new found jealousy. I don’t want to discuss it right now. I also saw the number 5959 recently. Anyways I’m just writing to show you my divination today. The drawing is crude but I want to show you. I also do shufflemancy as I’m drawing the cards for extra clarification. Here was my spread, I used “The mermaid tarot” by Leeza Robertson and illustrated by Julie Dillon for this by the way.
Remind me to tell you about my new found jealousy and bluntness. I don’t want to discuss it right now. I also saw the number 5959 recently. Anyways I’m just writing to show you my divination today. The drawing is crude but I want to show you. I also do shufflemancy as I’m drawing the cards for extra clarification normally about 1 song per song but sometimes more. Here was my spread, I used “The mermaid tarot” by Leeza Robertson and illustrated by Julie Dillion for this by the way.
I apologize if anything is misspelled or if the chart is hard to read. I was in a rush to write it down. The blue (should you be reading this in color) is the card I drew and the red is the clarification via music. Basically the tarot spread told me the following: “you’re not alone” this is a message I’ve been getting all day. I know I constantly have spirits surrounding me so that’s not it. It means something beyond that and I find it weird my spread mentioned it. In regards to my career something unforeseen that I am unaware of is that everything has a price. I was also told to be honest in these regards. The solution, I took it to be literally “magick” my deck with me atleast, is extremely literal and the card I drew only seemed to indicate this further. It could alternatively or in conjunction to, be read as doing my best to be productive on the matter. To steer away from any destructive tendencies regarding. My deck says I’m very creative so that is something I am doing right in my efforts. However in my efforts this is something that my deck has told me multiple times, I will eventually leave music and end my music career. However it will be a lesson I need to learn. I can’t read the rest of my interpretation on the matter. One thing I can look forward to is power? For some reason.
So that was it. That was my tarot spread. Not much to say on the matter. Anyways, that is all for now.
- Acrians Locket
Journal 42: I can still feel him in the room watching me
In most regards I am quite the unlikable protagonist. Just putting that out there before we begin. Cus sometimes it needs saying. I’m insufferable and I know that. Anyways on with today’s entry!
I met his spirit today. He was upset I discovered him to early. I explained to him the situation. He told me his signature was “Acrians” which couldn’t be done unless he was me. I could only write down the bits of dialogue I remember.
““I am your shadow your other self. I am everything you could become. Everything you aspire to be. And everything you were”
“I’m not your flesh and blood if that’s what your thinking.”
“Oh you’ll see me all right”
“I’m your other self. Your shadow”
“You don’t get it do you”
“I’m you. I’m your mirror. I’m your reflection. I’m you but not fully you. Literally you”
“Find out on your own. I’m done with this”
“Yeah ok Ac.”
“I’m not your fuking dictionary”
Upon saying goodbye
“This won’t be the end of this”
“I won’t die if I meet you right?”
“Of course not.”
“Oh we’ll meet soon you just won’t be expecting it” kinda smug and iratated but also in a way dark?
I told him to reference homestuck. Our godtier shall we meet so I knew it was him. He felt like me but….darker….I can’t explain. It was like I’m talking to myself but dark. My doppelganger in the spirit. It’s not as literal as I thought it would be. He was a bit more blunt than me. He asked why I wondered if I he meant me harm I told him, my divination told me to be careful. I clarified everything to him.
Upon leaving the entry I was online and received the message “consider this a warning”.
Journal 43: “Anything can be symbolic if you vibe with it” – Hi I’m Case”
Lots of references to losing my arm lately. This isn’t news. I’ve been told that I will be in a wheelchair and possibly an amputee in the future. How I get there I don’t know and it kinda scares me so we’re not gona touch it. There’s nothing wrong with being disabled. But I don’t need that on my plate. If I can find a way to prevent this future I shall. One thing I’ve noticed is whenever someone touches my stuff I notice instantly. Like I intuitively can tell even if the object hasn’t moved spots. My ukulele is an object imbued with my energy in alot of ways. Whenever someone touches it I can tell. I was at my brothers the other day and I instantly knew he messed with it. I asked him and he told me he tuned her. Also my wallet was on the table and as soon as I picked it up I knew someone else had touched it.
I was once watching a video from E.A Koetting who is a very good occultist who’s work I used to follow. I’m focusing on grimoires right now and keeping it there. What he teaches is legit but I find that I’m more drawn to the doctrine based stuff even if his approach has altered mine in a lot of ways. The fact that this man is making videos on youtube which is currently a huge platform is honestly helping get people into this stuff and I think it’s really good he does it. I will forever be grateful that he provided me a jumping off point into the occult.
I’m not that skilled at magick yet. But I know via the art of divination one day I will be. I can thank him for that. Anyways point is in one of his videos he said that he could feel when someone touched his tarot cards and I get that with objects I use alot. Mainly my Ukulele and my wallet. Most of my household is afraid to touch my tarot cards so no big issue on that front. But I can tell when someone has touched my things. It’s kind of weird.
I’ve looked into the spontaneous birthmarks more and keep coming across the “witch’s mark” or “the devils mark” during the witch trials. Yeah. It adds up. I was born with quite a few birthmarks but spontaneously getting ones on my arm was weird. It wasn’t just me but also F. which proves it wasn’t just something I didn’t notice before. There’s nothing really special about the birthmarks in question. They are just specs on my skin that appeared after messing with the occult for some time. They aren’t exactly like my other birthmarks they are far smaller but they aren’t really out of place either.
F’s birthmark was on the top of his middle finger near his nail. Mine was on my arm in the middle of it. I don’t think it means anything. It’s just sort of there now. I don’t work with entities known as “satan” or “the devil” so I mean it’s a mute point. I was told by a spirit I work with that an musical opportunity would be landing on my desk soon and I was expected to take it. That’s fine. I had an entity pose as Beelzebub but upon evocation he clarified it wasn’t him. I knew instantly the energy was different and off and he claimed he was “the bird guy” but I don’t have much info on him beyond that. He did say he was “not belial” but I was still misled. This entity does this alot. When he posed as Abaddon he claimed he wasn’t “Apollyon” which is another name for Abaddon I didn’t know. He lets me be misguided. I dislike him and his presence. He told me to read the Goetia which I did but I still was lost as to his identity.
One thing I’m going to mention off handly is that my brother and I are recording a song together since he is the musically gifted one in the family. Appearently he has studio grade equipment nobody ever told me about. Also my friend came to me about writing a comic together and I just knew that this was presented via Belial. It’s great and I’m taking open this opertunity. He told me a horse esc publisher is interested and I jumped on board.
Anyways that’s all for now.
- Acrians Locket
- 9:25 PM
Journal 44: “Placebo Running Up That Hill”
If I meet my doppelganger will he mean me harm? “Placebo: Running up that hill”
I heard a whisper “yes”.
I have no idea why I typed any of that. They were just notes I had started for this entry that I never got around to completing. So enjoy that nonsense that I’m sure won’t become dated or obsolete in a few years.
Anyways. I discovered tarot birth cards recently. Apparently most people have atleast two. I think it’s a new age thing but ehhh I gave it a go. My birthcards are the chariot, and the tower. Not a fun combination. But it fits. I hate that it does. But it does.
I was outside. Getting the mail. When as i left I looked to a tree And saw the red robin fly away as if hiding. i sat down outside on my couch and said “noco if thats you can you tell me why hes mad at me” than i heard a young sounding male voice say “he’s not mad at you” i expressed trouble understanding genwa. Then i heard this same voice say “i can aid you on this endeavor if you would like” i express some things than said “if you want to help me that’s fine” and then from behind the bench paralele to me I saw this red robin speed cross my path and away. I remember I also asked “why are you spying on me?” how words exactly where “I’m keeping an eye on you for the gods.” It was Noco. There is no way I imagining this. He’s very kind. He strikes me as kind. That’s just his personality “caring”. That matters to me. Then I turned on the radio and the song “mad as rabbits” played which to me was a sign of occeair.
Noco is wonderful. I’ve just been having intrusive thoughts lately. I worry I’ll scare him away given whenever I encounter an entity those intrusive thoughts linger on them. I don’t know why Noco would be keeping an eye on me. He has more pressing matter to attend to such as focusing on Occeair and his incarnations. I feel like his time could better be spent with those endeavors. However I am unsure if Occeair is currently in his cycle. So presumably since I am the one ushering in the religion he has time to spy on me as well. I was worried the other day that the god Occeair was mad at me do to an interaction and sign he had sent me. But thanks to Noco’s clarification I now know we are good. I kind of imagine Occeair as having long red hair and wings. But to the only other follower of this religion so far, he appears as having dark brown hair. The Gods of Genwa’s divinity can be held in their eyes. Looking in their eyes clarifies this. Occeair often appears to me in a blindfold. I find it rather strange. I imagine him as a topless man with some kind of symbolic shorts. I’ve never met him in person and from what I can divine I never will so these are all just impressions.
I really love and care about Occeiar. I may start working with Soya via offerings for my musical tastes after I get better at Guitar. I haven’t really picked up the thing much since the ritual. I’m not sure why. I’ve certainly wanted to. I’m getting really good at telling things before they happened and hearing spirits. I have this weird thing that keeps happening where I will feel something out of nowhere telling me something is about to happen, then I brush it off and the said thing happens. I can tell the future by feeling in a sort of way. For example my mom wanted to go out last night so I used this ability and felt we would not leave the house. Then thing went wrong do to various obstacles and we didn’t. It’s kinda crazy.
A list of things I can do.
- Hear spirits
- See spirits (invisibly make them out)
- Sense spirits
- Tell if someone has touched my objects
- Look at a person and sense if they do magick. Sometimes exactly what they do or beleive spiritually.
- Look at an event and see the magick within it or if magick was involved.
- Hear the magick and see the magickal process behind something created through it.
- Feel if something is going to happen or not
If you are a practiced occultist than you will know that none of this is impressive. It is not. It’s super basic things that every magician will eventually learn. However that is where I am right now. Anyways just wanted to log these thoughts down. I’ve been having strange dreams latley. But given that it’s me, is that really surprising?
I had one dream about Hoodoo which was odd. Every time I look into my future I see amnesia intertwined somehow. It’s upsetting. I’ve been told by the Gods of Genwa I will “forget” them somehow someday. And I’ve been doing ultra specific divination on the matter and it clearifies to me I will suffer some sort of amnesia at some point. It worries me. It’s kind of like how I know I’ll be anorexic, depressed, and at one point loose my arm. Why would that happen? What leads up to it? Now that I know it will happen can I prevent it in any sort of way? There are some things I know are going to happen that I couldn’t prevent if I tried, for example in the next couple of years my life at some point will be thrown into chaos and I will do battle against other magicians. At one point my world is going to “split” most likely do to an operation or magickal ritual. I’m going to end up crazy again do to a death or something and I worry about it indefinetly.
Knowing your future is cool. But sometimes I see things that aren’t pleasant. I know so much about what’s ahead. How the hell do I get there?
- Acrians Locket
- 5:49 PM
Journal 45 “I spend so much time wracked with self doubt about my political views, then I look at the absolute morons who oppose me and I sleep the sleep of the just.” – Mat Christman
So I’ve been suffering pretty bad delusions latley. Like super bad delusions. I kept thinking there was this game or some shit and that I was chosen to save the world. Its really fuking exhausitng having to figh tmy own head all the time. On top of that my headphones and their chords broke. End Time minsitires. That’s your homework. Okat sorry ofr being so arndom im insane af atm. I love YA fiction even tho im an adult to rule it. Uhhhh yeah. Okay cool. Ill get your mom to fix your movie but only if she proves she gets it. If not ill pick someone outside oyur family. I WANT BELZEBUB. Seriosuly? YEAH HES MY FAVE. ugh fine. Deal.
- Acrians Lockhet
I apologize if anything is misspelled. I was in a rush to write it down. The blue (should you be reading this in color) is the card I drew and the red is the clarification via music. Basically the tarot spread told me the following: “you’re not alone” this is a message I’ve been getting all day. I know I constantly have spirits surrounding me so that’s not it. It means something beyond that and I find it weird my spread mentioned it. In regards to my career something unforeseen that I am unaware of is that everything has a price. I was also told to be honest in these regards. The solution I took it to be literally “magick” my deck with me atleast, is extremely literal and the card I drew only seemed to indicate this further. It could alternatively or in conjunction to, be read as doing my best to be productive on the matter. To steer away from any destructive tendencies regarding. My deck says I’m very creative so that is something I am doing right in my efforts. However in my efforts this is something that my deck has told me multiple times, I will eventually leave music and end my music career. However it will be a lesson I need to learn. I can’t read the rest of my interpretation on the matter.
So that was it. That was my tarot spread. Not much to say on the matter. Anyways, that is all for now.
- Acrians Locket
Mention Frado possibly dying. Mention banishing ritual. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICjKhG7cGVU&t=466s. Mention going through with it anyways and wristcutters popping up on tv. Mention tarot cards exhausting you. Mention Belzebub sending spiders. Mention needing to call belial. Mention singing competition coming on T.V. Mention only bad things coming from meat or candy song. Mention stalker signs. Mention divination telling you your D.I.D will come back eventually.
Journal : “Whether you agree with my methods or not, they will have a positive outcome in the end.” – Dissociative Jess, a D.I.D activist
Journal 3# “ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀɪᴄᴇ ᴏғ ʟᴏʏᴀʟᴛʏ ɪs ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴄʜᴀɴɢɪɴɢ” – Tumblr User insomniaeon
Journal ## “”If the system failed me it has to fail you too” is a hell of a take” – Ashley C. Ford
“My shining dishonestly will be the salvation of me” – Howl, Howl’s Moving Castle
“Killing, must feel good to God to. He does it all the time, and are we not created in his image? – Hannibal, Amuse-Bouche
““If the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have.”
– Shadow the Hedgehog
“I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.” – Joshua Gram, Fallout
“Whenever you look at another creator or an artist that you respect, you’re only seeing what took them a long time of work and doubt to push through. You never see the struggle behind it. So you think you’re the only one struggling, when in fact, everyone goes through it” – Danny Sexbag
Married Belial mention. Mention warnings from Belial/Beelzebub to be very careful when Approaching The Black Man and what I ask for and agree to.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoGtjxYJTa8 it’s a really fuking good video on the matter. I know that this link won’t work in a hundred years but here’s a quote from it that means alot to me:
Come to think of it, it is rather egotistical that I think this journal will persevere that long. But here we are. Also I was out for another walk today around my neighborhood and a black bird flew overhead. If it wasn’t so slow and flying oddly I may not have picked up on it. But once again it was the black man! 😀 for future reference if you are a translator translating this work for whatever reason, I know you’re fairly skilled to be taking on this journal. However I will take no offense whatsoever (on the condition you don’t omit anything) if you add little translator notes in the footer of the book in order to convey some of what is originally lost in translation. Hell its what I would do. But back to the point it was the black man because this along with another bird and a rabbit all appeared and all were black so it was him
An entity keeps putting me to sleep. I don’t think it’s the black man. I have a lot of spirits in my home but its hard to resist when im so tired.
I know this is irrelevant to this conversation but i wish to bring up evolution.
Reference seeing luck and crossroads being correlated? Then go on to mention about the magick of lincon parks music and how if you do occult you know and if you dont you dont. Mention just going and putting yourself out there. Mention stand up. Not caring if you suck and how the acting and music industry are heavily tied to luck and just not giving up, if you have a backup plan its okay. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Mention seeing a black cat days leading up to the ritual. Then it stormed.
Whenever I get really excited I squeal then clap my hands really fast together smiling. Because you know, I’m obviously a twelve year old girl in disguise. Been getting alot of numerology lately a lot of these correlate to my ambitions coming into fruition and creativity. Mention trying to get into rap and being obsessed with the song “Lil Nas X “Old Town Road” Remix ft. Billy Ray Cyrus” mention that you keep seing “x” everywhere.
ENTRY TITLE IDEAS
“Do to personal reasons I will become god” – Tumblr User Pudding
“Know One ||| Andy Black “
““I was not aware ft.Kaito ||| CORE”
“And then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he’d run away from us and hidden. He was being kind” – Doctor Who, Family of Blood
“Mr Sandman ||| SYML“
“I am 22 and still pretend to be asleep when someone comes to my room so they don’t bother me. I am not ashamed. I am empowered by my many talents, like deceit” – Sean Marcano
“Adults keep saying ‘we owe it to the young people to give them hope.’ But I don’t want your hope. I don’t want you to be hopeful. I want you to panic. I want you to feel the fear I feel every day. And then I want you to act.” – 16 year old, Greta Thunberg
“The core goblin values are trickery and bastardry. And don’t you forget that !!!” – Tumblr user – funkylittlegoblin
“Role Models ||| AJR”
“マイナスP ft. Kagamine Rin “Quarrel with the Doppelganger” ドッペル押し問答”
“Someone should tell disney just because they made wall-e doesn’t mean he’s gona clean up the mess they made” – Uniquenameosaurus
“A lie can run around the world rampant before the truth has got it’s boots on” – Terry Pratchett
“Dead Hearts ||| Starz”
“Oh Mr.Fazbear ||| Mado Pony ft.Gumi”
“The fish aren’t ever really alive” – Red Forman
“I assure you we are all still fundamentally the same bunch of losers” – Rose Lalonde
“I’m not famous ||| AJR”
“John please don’t be a bitch, I’m unwell remember?” – Rose Lalonde
“Ready as I’ll ever be ||| Tangled “
“Your Majesty ||| Owen Ammann”
Good luck tracking down the title of this entry. The song mentioned is super obscure and only available on spotify which I believe will become an issue centuries from now when spotify the music service is no longer around. A shame really. Still a kickass song despite this though!
“Running Up that Hill ||| Placebo”
“Education never ends, Watson. It is a series of lessons, with the greatest for the last.” – Sherlock Holmes
“What you do in this world is a matter of no consequence. The question is what can you make people believe you have done.” – Sherlock Holmes
“When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth” – Sherlock Holmes
“I have lost things you will never understand” – The 11th Doctor
“Playing with so many people’s lives you may as well be a god” – Doctor Who, Aliens of London
“The first rule of creating a weapon is to expect it to be used against you” – John Enter
“Change does not come from a place of comfort” – Tumble User Lulloph
“Change my dear, and not a moment too soon” – The 6th Doctor
“The best way to improve the image, and stigma is by going public with it” – Youtuber Teltale
“Wiped out! ||| The Neighbordhood”
Mention sending yourself a future letter at A letter from April 6th, 2019.
I’m about to go fix it and that MAY be the end of the experiment. I
Journal 4: “kill me, then tell the stars you’ve won” – Warrior Cats
“Growth is sometimes a lonely process” – tumblr user Tawbah
Journal 5: “Do you think god stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he’s created?” – Romaro the Scientist
Journal 6: “What the fuck kind of a question is “Am I happy?” “- Bo Burnham
Journal 7: “There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes” – the 8th Doctor
Journal 8: “That’s just how it is on this bitch of an earth” – Samuel Becket
Journal 9: “it pains me to say this but I guess it’s true, you’re never coming back, are you?” – Compulsive Ink
Journal 10: “et tue brute?” – Julius Caesar (the shakespeare play)
Journal 11: “you can’t make people like you, you have to wait for people hating you to bore them” – Beth Smith
Journal 12: “Good men don’t need rules” – The 11th doctor
“Make time ||| Quinn XCII”
“anything can be symbolic if you vibe with it” – Hi I’m Case
Journal 13: “Nothing’s stupid to a guy in a spoon hat” – Spencer Shay
Journal 14: “I will face God and walk backwards into Hell” – Drill
Journal 15: “The dark is more confusing than tiring” – Hi I’m Case
Journal 16: “Looking at the present’s fuking sad” – Hi I’m Case
“If she ever remembers me her mind will burn and she will die” – the 10th doctorh doctor
452 Falcon Ct, Woodstock, Georgia
Autism: A disorder that impacts social communication and functioning. It is developmental in nature and often is represented by patterns related to this.
Atheist: someone who does not believe in a higher power. Often these people are also skeptical of magick and the occult.
Best Friend: A person’s closest friend.
Blog: A website or page on the internet that takes a journal like format, where the person often updates through “posts” frequently.
Clairaudience: the ability to hear spirits
Click Bait: Something on the internet that has a misleading title in order to encourage the reader to “click” on it.
Demons: a form of spirit, often a former god (though not always) bastardized by christianity. A type of spirit you can bargain and create deals with.
Demonolatry: the worship of demons.
Deification: that act of ascension in some circles, however commonly meant to turn oneself into a god.
D.I.D: Dissociative Identity Disorder is a disorder caused by severe trauma that ends up altering the victims consciousness. It results in the person having two or more identities or personality states within them. It is a mental condition previously known as multiple personality disorder.
Divination: the art of telling future events or possible outcomes through supernatural tools.
Doppelganger: a spirit that is identical to you. Often physically manifested and malicious in essence. They can be found in many different religions and mythologies. The term is German in origin.
Entity: a spirit, within the context of this book it holds no negative or positive connotations.
Evocation: the art of summoning a spirit, normally an demon in front of you or before you, or outside of yourself.
Goetia: often a mistranslation often meant to refer to the Lesser Keys of Solomon the king and the “evil spirits” within them known as demons. A grimoire that has a list of demonic entities.
Forum: a place on the internet usually organized by the topics of conversation known as “threads” where individual users of the site can engage with each other on those topics of conversation. Normally they are organized based on one topic such as “occult” “rock music” or sometimes more niche such as “voice synthesizing softwares” “video game development” and so on. Then each minor topic correlates with this where these users talk and interact with each other.
Left handed path: an approach to magick that often embraces the taboo or occult. The purposes within this book focus of the deification of oneself, and ascension into Godhood.
Meme: something that becomes widespread on the internet that is then replicated over and over again in a joking or comedic context
Mutuals: Someone on a social media website, a community on the internet where the users of the site share their thoughts, where people engage with each other’s content. A mutual is someone on one of these sites who follows your work and material on the site, when you also follow theirs.
Occult: in the broadest terms possible it references beliefs, workings and practises of supernatural phenomena and systems. Often dark or taboo stuff.
Pact: a contract between a human person and a demonic entity.
Pet Peeve: something irritating and frustrating that is often actually minor.
Ritual: the act of changing your world supernaturally through a ceremony.
Sigil: A magickal symbol that holds magickal power. A demonic sigil is used to summon a demon through gazing at it. A normal sigil is often used to evoke some kind of change, usually through charging it within your world through supernatural means.
Tattoo: a permanent image or modification to ones body inscribed to a person using ink.
Tarot: tarot cards are a tool of divination. There’s a deck of cards each painted with an image. The deck is made up of several suits that the image depicts. Then the cards are drawn in an order and placed in a spread that answers the magicians questions.